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#859444 - 12/30/12 07:43 PM Monday Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30035
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
One kernel is felt in a hogshead; one drop of water helps to swell the ocean; a spark of fire helps to give light to the world. None are too small, too feeble, too poor to be of service. Think of this and act.
Hannah More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Doctor's blunders On medical records

♦Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
♦On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
♦The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
♦The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
♦Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
♦Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
♦The patient refused autopsy.
♦The patient has no previous history of suicides.
♦Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
♦Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
♦Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
♦She is numb from her toes down.
♦While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
♦The skin was moist and dry.
♦Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
♦Patient was alert and unresponsive.
♦Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
♦She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
♦I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
♦Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
♦The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
♦Skin: somewhat pale but present.
♦Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
♦Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
♦Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Goodbye Prayers


A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mommy. God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "1 don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave12

Monday Monday, WOO HOO!! thumbsdown

I'm glad my day off was so short, so I can get back to business. cry12

The good news is, after today, I'll be on vacation until next year. santadance

We have rain on the way. Actually by the time you're reading this it will probably be here. penguin

If it weren't so cold, I would probably do the backstroke to work.

Still, we're staying above freezing, so I won't be able to cross country ski to work either. mad12 Darn!!

I just can't win!

That typifies Monday. lol12

I hope you all have a typically happy day. thumbsup12

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/30/12 07:45 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#859457 - 12/30/12 09:04 PM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65022
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I wish you a very happy New Years Eve! Just think of the wonderful things that are coming your way this year. If nothing else, you will be reunited with Baby and that makes it awesome!

I will be going to dance in the morning with Sam, hike with the dogs after lunch and then in the afternoon we have early dinner reservations with my sis and BIL and then we are all heading to the casino to try our luck. My BIL said he is just going to walk in and light a match to a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. rotfl12 Oh ye of little faith.

Have a fantastic day everyone! hearts

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#859463 - 12/30/12 10:52 PM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5441
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope your work day flies by, Joe. Enjoy your "vacation." lol12

Sounds like you have a fantastic day planned, Ana. thumbsup12 Have fun!

It's late Sunday night for me. This cold or whatever I have is still doing me in, so I'm posting now in case I don't have time in the morning. Basically, when I haven't been working, I've been sleeping. (Well, okay, sometimes I sneak in game time here and there. grin12)

And now, I'm off to bed again. sleep12

Hope everyone here has a fantastic day and a great New Year's Eve! winter

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#859480 - 12/31/12 02:05 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65022
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hope you feel better venus!

Ana wave12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#859482 - 12/31/12 02:48 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning and HNY Joe,Ana,Venus and all who follow me in wave12Venus hope you feel better soon,Ana luckat the Casino,Joe happy day to you also wink12 It's cold shiver here at 19 degrees.Coffee is piping hot and ready winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#859487 - 12/31/12 04:40 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17207
Loc: Marlborough USA
newyear Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and Cailyn. Hope your work day flies by! Ana Good Luck at the Casino! Venus sleep is good it will help you get better faster! Cailyn it's freezing here too and lots of snow! Happy New Year to all! newyear
_________________________
Gerry

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#859493 - 12/31/12 06:06 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5441
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks Ana, Cailyn and Gerry! wave12 Hope all of you have a terrific day and HNY!

The cold still has me, but I have to work whoosh in order to get paid. smile12 So have to run before I'm late. wave12

newyear everyone!

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#859495 - 12/31/12 06:20 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14469
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your vacation.

Ana, good luck at the casino.

Venus, hope you feel better.

Cailyn, coffee sounds terrific this morning.

Gerry, freezing out here too!

Have a routine hospital visit this morning. See everyone later on.

To all who come into the Diner today, newyear
_________________________
Gail

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#859496 - 12/31/12 06:21 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14648
Loc: Massachusetts
HNY Good morning. I'm running late this morning so I'll just say have a good day, exercise please.

Midgie hearts newyear holidays
_________________________
Just do it.

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#859499 - 12/31/12 08:06 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8082
Loc: winter springs fl.
newyear Good morning everyone. We went to The Kobie Steakhousee with Robert (#3 son), Justin (youngest grandson), and Shawn (his mom) last night. A good time was had by all and the food was Great. Today I need to find a new desk calandar, asI forgot all about getting one. I have loads of other calandars. To all here and all who follow, have a Super New Years Eve. We will be in bed sleeping at midnight, I'm sure. Happy New Year HNY to all my Boomer friends. May the new year be a Good one for all. Danish and Waffles in the NC. newyear
_________________________
Connie

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#859523 - 12/31/12 10:47 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11408
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
newyear Boomer Buddies.

It is trying to spit snow here but not supposed to get much of anything.

Got my brisket in the crock pot and it will cook all day. Yum. Best friends will be over around 5 and we will toast the new year in together. I am also fixing mashed potatoes, salad, cauliflower, Parker House rolls and dutch apple pie and ice cream for dessert.

Well, I hear the coffee pot calling me so guess I'll go have some.

Have a wonderful day and if I don't get back here, a very Happy New Year.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#859528 - 12/31/12 11:35 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: flutist]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello my Boomer friends

Already lost all hope to get Internet back this year but, surprise, the green light switched on 10 minutes ago and so I write to you very fast..... HNY
Happy New Year's Eve everybody.
I wish for all of us that the New Year will be a good one! See you next year again.
It's already 5.30 p.m. here, the New Year is just around the corner...

Love!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#859534 - 12/31/12 11:56 AM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7244
Loc: San Diego, CA
COLD. My car windows had frozen ice all over them. Got some pics of that. Should have gone out earlier before most of it melted. Wow. Freeeezing here, but only got down to 36 last night. Coldest night of the year for us. Wheeeee! Real weather AND in the afternoon, we had huge hail. Huge for us that is. Size of peas. Usually it's BB size but this was so fun. The outdoorsie cat, Ninja, was seen running helter skelter across the front yard looking for something to hide under. I think he thought someone was shooting at him again with a pellet gun. Poor kitty. Seemed OK this morning at feeding. Can't imagine what a cat thinks of hail. Must be terrible to be pelted with 'stuff' and not know where to run.

Off on my morning walk in a few. Hope there is no ice on the streets. rotfl12
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#859546 - 12/31/12 12:35 PM Re: Monday Monday [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9372
Loc: Southern California
newyear Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your New Year is fabulous, and only the beginning of a fabulous year ahead!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in this morning. Felt lovely...

Today, we have a wine tasting date at one of our local wineries, then daughter and boyfriend want us to stop by for a New Year's toast. They are hosting a formal New Year's Eve party for their closest friends in their new home. They have contacted a local cab service they have used in the past that will pick up and take home their guests. thumbsup12

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#859555 - 12/31/12 01:10 PM Re: Monday Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42303
Loc: Alabama
Sounds like everyone has wonderful plans for the day! I'm cleaning cleaning cleaning and then stopping at the store for snacky foods. Hubby and boys and son will be home around 8 tonight weather, roads, and boys permitting. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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