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#860064 - 01/03/13 12:16 AM Thursday's Child
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30154
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone


I know that "going blank" feeling. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.  happydance12

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee. 

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, they'll wanna know what I put in it, and I'll sell more coffee.  grin12

You see if I don't sell enough coffee then I'll have to sell something else...............like my sister. grinch

I REALLY hope the coffee sells though cause I just don't think I'll get much for sis. duh12

She's not much to look at, she can't do much, and she's not that smart. smirk


I'm kidding. lol12


No I'm not.


Yes I am..... lol12


No I'm not..... evil


Ok this could go on and on, if I wasn't out of my smiley allotment so....

It's kinda like playing "she loves me....she loves me not...she loves me.....she loves me not", you just don't know which way it's gonna end......"L...O...L"


Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#860075 - 01/03/13 03:10 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6096
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe wave12You are to funny lol12Thanks for selling the coffee and jokes every morning,It's 13 degrees this morning shiverbut they say next week it will be in the 40's happydance12Have a happy day everyone sherlock
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#860080 - 01/03/13 04:21 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17620
Loc: Marlborough USA
happydance12 Good morning and happy Day Joe, Cailyn and all heading for the Diner this morning! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#860089 - 01/03/13 06:00 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14784
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, you're funny!

Cailyn, glad to see you here with the coffee! Just what I need! Thanks.

Gerry, good morning.

Wow, it's cold outside this morning! Wishing everyone who comes into the Diner a nice warm comfortable stay. penguin
_________________________
Gail

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#860094 - 01/03/13 07:07 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8199
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge, Hugs on the way. catrub Sorta, birthday. Ana, the boys are stil in Pennsylvania. Not sure what's on the agenda yet. Hubby is still sleeping. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#860110 - 01/03/13 10:08 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9480
Loc: Southern California
winter Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You are too funny! kissy12 Hope your Thursday is fantastic!

birthday Sorta! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#860112 - 01/03/13 10:31 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
lol12 Joe great laughs, thanks!! The coffee is great too! Friday today?? Hope it flies so you can start your day off.

Cailyn 13 here this morning too. Was a little cool walking with Sassy cause of the wind. Thanks for the hot coffee!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail pray that things are going well for you! HUGS! Stay warm!!

Connie have fun what ever pops up for you! Thanks for the danish!! Yummmmmy!

Darlene may work go smoothly for you today! Have a nice day!

No plans here.....yet!!

wave12
Nan

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#860129 - 01/03/13 11:49 AM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65785
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I just set up my new keyboard I bought yesterday and I can't type well on it yet. lol12 The keys are different and I hit more than one at a time. It will be a learning curve.

Joe, thanks for the chuckles. You rock. You could do a comedy routine at your sisters expense. lol12

Sue, sounds like you have our new years day weather now. Stay warm!

Gerry, have a great day!

Gail, I hope you don't need to go in the cold. Have a great gaming day!

Connie, have a happy day.

Darlene, safe skooshing! How is mom doing?

Nan, are you still doing the fish frys or are they over now?

Off to the corner and then I'll be running the dogs later.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#860148 - 01/03/13 02:05 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11422
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Too late for Good morning, so, good afternoon.

Started the day out with a trip to Wally World. Had to get some stuff to make lasagna for Susie and Vince to take with them on Sunday. They are meeting her Aunt Dianne and sister Kristi. Since those two are Alabama fans and Vince is a fan of Notre Dame, they are all meeting in Memphis and watch the game there. Sounds like they will have some fun. We will take care of Winston and Chloe. We will have some fun too trying to keep Winston from flipping his lip up at Cory. Then Cory nails him.

birthday Sorta. Hope you have a great day.

Midgie, hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Need to go figure out what to fix for dinner tonight.

Stay warm everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#860150 - 01/03/13 02:20 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42644
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday puppy

Been a busy but enjoyable morning. Now I'm pretending it's Monday and looking at the books and considering how I'd like to cook them. Considering grilling, baking, and stewing.

But first I'm going to feed myself. wave12
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#860177 - 01/03/13 05:36 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9720
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. Cold and snow here. thumbsdown
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#860184 - 01/03/13 06:19 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ana funny you should ask cause tomorrow will be the start up of fish fry. They stopped for the holidays and now we will go till Memorial weekend! Then off for the summer.

Hope the corner is being kind to you. Did you make it out with the dogs? Me and Sassy did two half milers! The wind is really cold out there today.

Bets sounds like they will have a wonderful time. Prayers for the Band around them as they travel.

L4l did ya get the books cooked? lol12

Space have a lovely evening.

wave12
Nan

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#860197 - 01/03/13 07:19 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7415
Loc: San Diego, CA
Finally some action at the dreaded Apartments! I was getting so bored. While I was out shopping, the firetruck and ambulance arrived and thank goodness our 'Oxford Street Lady's Detective Agency' only honorary male member (my tenant/friend) was out front and saw it all.

They went to the side that houses a 2 bedroom apartment in which all the males live (those that were in a huge fight a weeks back for missing money) and packed up and took away the well dressed Drug seller guy who I'd seen earlier today looking just fine. He was sitting up talking on his cell phone (I think it's permanently implanted in his ear). Dunno what his deal was, but off he went in the ambulance. Will do a little digging later to see if anyone knows what happened. Haven't seen his roomie (the guy who beat him up) since the big fight. Maybe he came back.

At least there was something fun to occupy my time this afternoon. rah
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#860204 - 01/03/13 08:21 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65785
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Looks like everyone is unwinding from the holidays. Quiet day here.

Bets, sounds like Susie and Vince are in for a fun weekend.

L4L, I lost track of days with hubby being home. Next week should be easier to keep track.

SpaceQ, stay warm!

Nan, I did get the dogs out this afternoon. I took a header walking in the field when my foot got caught on something I couldn't see. I'll probably have some bruises in the morning.
I am glad you can go back to the fish fry tomorrow. yay12

Sorta, so my wish for your birthday came true. Finally some fun stuff in the hood!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#860206 - 01/03/13 08:29 PM Re: Thursday's Child [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7415
Loc: San Diego, CA
Thanks for that wish Ana. AND to add to that, a few minutes ago, the fire trucks and ambulance headed South on the two main streets that I fall between AND right after those whizzed by, I saw the 'companion' of the drunk lady drive out of the driveway like the proverbial bat out of you know where. Only when I looked, it wasn't HIM it was HER driving drunk, or high or both, with NO license and no insurance. Ohhhhhh! She was back in less than 3 minutes, so I'm thinking she thought it was her boy toy that might have been injured (he camps out at a nearby bar and staggers home drunk on occasion). Guess it wasn't since she was back so soon and wasn't even enough time to stop into her favorite corner liquor store. Gotta watch out for her driving now. She knows she isn't supposed to be doing that. scared
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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