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#861161 - 01/08/13 11:57 PM TGI Wednesday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30036
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"For the memory of love is sweet, though the love itself were in vain. And what I have lost of pleasure, assuage what I find of pain."
-- Lyster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "THIS TASTES LIKE PEE."

To which the old drunk replies, "That's right, now guess how old I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy." The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

"Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy", again the bartender brought her a Martini. By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, "Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn."

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, "Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your chest is leaning against the ashtray."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Marge ?" she asked.

Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just sick of mornings."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double martini.

Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replied, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I think I would have a picture of myself in my pocket, and when IT started to look good I'd know it's time to quit drinking. rotfl


It's time. razz


There is a HUGE mass of wetness coming this way and I've already lost my internet once. hardwall

So if I don't get this posted in time you'll all know why. thumbsup

Because I'm all wet. penguin


Well I should be, I'm a penguin.


I am the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the penguin. Goo Goo G'Joob

Now I have to go listen to Beatles vids. urock

Have a happy day everyone. yes

joe


Does anybody have some floaties I can borrow?


Edited by gymcandy1 (01/09/13 12:01 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#861168 - 01/09/13 03:57 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,and all boomers when you awake waveFunny ones this morning Joe grinI'll be in the corner getting the coffee readyHave a happy day everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#861171 - 01/09/13 04:34 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17212
Loc: Marlborough USA
winter Good Morning Joe and Cailyn. Joe hope you don't lose your internet. Cailyn looks like it's just us this morning. Coffee sounds great! Wishing all a peaceful Day! winter
_________________________
Gerry

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#861183 - 01/09/13 07:03 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8083
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Today I will be going shopping and to lunch with SIL. Midge, I hope all goes well at the Pain clinic. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Muffins, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#861209 - 01/09/13 09:49 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9375
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sorry, no floaties...but I hope your Wednesday turns out wonderful!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Quiet this morning in the Diner...

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#861216 - 01/09/13 10:28 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65036
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, just think of all the points that the rain is uncovering! woot Have a fantastic day my friend.

Gail, I hope you are feeling better. hearts

Haroula, I hope you had a great vacation and safe travels home.

Sue, do you go to the gym in the wee hours or do you wait till later?

Gerry, have a great day.

Darlene, hope that work is going better with the holidays past.

Connie, have a great lunch!

Midgie, good luck! kissy

Off to Zumba and weights shortly and then I'll be running the dogs. We are warming up here and the birds sound like spring here. What a crazy winter two years in a row. I blame in on my purchase of skis a couple years ago. grin

Have a great day everyone!


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (01/09/13 10:43 AM)
Edit Reason: missed Connie. :0
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#861225 - 01/09/13 11:02 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7715
Loc: Greece
Hello everyone newyear
Home at last penguin
Our holidays were awesome rah
I hope everyone is ok and happy flowers
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#861245 - 01/09/13 11:34 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: Haroula]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30036
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. It's 10:30 and I haven't done a thing yet this morning. I've gotta get up and get out to do some chores. It's still rainy out there too. I won't be doing any head hunting today, but you're right Ana. I'm anticipating getting out there very soon to see what's been uncovered. happydance

I hope everyone has a happy day, and I'll be back around later on. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#861250 - 01/09/13 11:43 AM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42307
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

It's warm in Al....windows are open and I'm in shorts. Weatherman is calling for bad weather later in the day sorta state wide. I'm waiting for the windshield man to come but so far have not heard from him.

Son is too sore to move today, so I think he'll be in bed all day. I'm going to do some laundry and some book cooking and eat something to see if the tummy wants to play today. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#861257 - 01/09/13 12:36 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2084
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Help! It's pouring raining and my 3 cats and 1 doggy have cabin fever. Maybe a good day to get the PS Vita and hibernate in bed and let "them" harass each other.

We have had 2" rain and Bastrop, south of us will have 6 by tonight. If some topsoil washes away maybe more petrified wood will be exposed. A geophysicist claims that this area is close to the epicenter of a petrified forest Wow-history.

Joe, if you are having rain like we are, maybe some arrow heads will magically appear.

Off to Amazon to order more games.

Happy Wednesday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#861273 - 01/09/13 02:06 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42307
Loc: Alabama
We are still waiting on the rain, though it certainly looks likely wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#861288 - 01/09/13 03:38 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9547
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. Enjoy your evening.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#861308 - 01/09/13 05:52 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: Space Quest Fan]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2109
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Good afternoon/evening to my GB friends!
Things are going well here except for my back. Have sciatica that is really hurting and goes all the way down my left leg. Shopping and errands are much harder to do as a result.
We'll be getting down to the low 30s at night here by Friday, so have to be sure to cover my plants outside. Days are around 55 to 60, so not bad. We're just not used to the cold here in AZ, and we really feel it.
My 4 cats are fine and I have applied for a job with American Express again, so we'll see what happens with that.
Take care, stay safe and warm!
Andrea wave

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#861322 - 01/09/13 07:57 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65036
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good evening boomies! I used every second of my day off having fun. I went to Zumba and then grabbed the dogs for a run in the woods. Merlin chased a deer to Shadow and I and it missed hitting us by 3 feet. Scared the bejeezus out of both Shadow and I. rotfl Then Shadow caught an opposum which promptly fainted so he dropped it. It'll be fine, he didn't hurt it.
Then I ran a 5K in 36 minutes. I am trying to do that at least once a week so I can keep my stamina up.

Haroula, welcome home! I missed you.

Joe, what did you end up doing today?

L4L, I hope son feels better. It's warm here today. we hit 47 degrees.

Nan, hope all is well today. Miss you!

Yankee, that would be really cool to see a petrified forest. Hope you get a rain break.

SpaceQ, hope your day was great.

Andrea, sorry your sciatica is back. Have you tried a chiropractor? Hope you get your job!

Made fish for dinner and now it's game time. I should be back to work tomorrow.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#861328 - 01/09/13 08:54 PM Re: TGI Wednesday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30036
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hello folks. wave

Hope you all enjoyed your day. yes

Ana I cleaned up around here.....a bit, then went to Mom's and picked up Baby, and went to town....for a bit. thumbsup

After I got back I played around with Baby for a while, and then because it was still raining, I came home to read about what YOU did all day. lol

What a day you had!! shocked

I can't even THINK about running a 5K in under an hour. smirk

Great job by the way. bravo

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (01/09/13 08:56 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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