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#861491 - 01/10/13 01:10 PM Home care
Mary Offline
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Registered: 11/02/99
Posts: 3653
Loc: New York
My husband and I are trying to find a live-in companion for his mother (92 years old but in good health).
We don't know where to start. I imagine that there are agencies out there, but we need someone full-time.
The other part of this is how do we go about finding out if this person is responsible and honest?

Has anyone had to do this, or have any suggestions for us?
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#861501 - 01/10/13 01:55 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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Mary, unfortunately the only personal experience I have for that was a disaster. It ended in the nurse getting arrested. I hope background checks are better these days.
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#861513 - 01/10/13 03:36 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Draclvr Offline
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Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 9806
Loc: In Missouri near St. Louis
Do you have a Home Health Care agency in your county? Sometimes they have recommendations...
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#861533 - 01/10/13 05:45 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Mary Offline
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Registered: 11/02/99
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Loc: New York
My mother-in-law lives several hours away from us, but still in the same state.
I'll see if I can find anything up her way.

My real concern is what BET mentioned: how do you trust a person that's going to live in the home with your mother?

My mother-in-law doesn't really need a nurse, but more of a companion.


Edited by Mary (01/10/13 05:46 PM)
Edit Reason: More info
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#861536 - 01/10/13 06:05 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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The registered nurse we had only came 8 hours a day and she stole the mail and took credit card offers from my dads mail and sent them in and then took the cards when they came. She got arrested in a mall months after she stole the card when the credit card company asked that the card be revoked and the person held. My sister got the mail one day before the nurse could get it. She called and canceled the card and said the charges couldn't be him because he was bedridden. They then waited for someone to use it. So sad that someone would do that.
Good luck to you!

Ana wave
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#861540 - 01/10/13 06:41 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Sorta Blonde Offline
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Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7186
Loc: San Diego, CA
Scary stuff Ana. We have two cases here where I live of caregivers abusing their patients. Very bad stuff and all caught on hidden cameras after suspicions of something being wrong. I'd be scared to death of hiring someone I didn't know even from a reputable service (both these cases were from BIG companies who are swearing that the caregivers are exemplary workers). Watching the videos was horrifying.

Hope you find someone Mary! I'd go with a relative if any are willing to move in with her or maybe an acquaintance from her past? My mom almost let me get a good friend to move in with her so they could both help each other. Never had the time though since she went downhill very fast.

Good luck with the search and definitely get a 'nanny cam' just in case. thumbsup
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#861541 - 01/10/13 06:41 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BobH Offline
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Registered: 10/14/11
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My parents required home care and we had good luck generally. There were no thefts or mistreatment but some were definitely better than others.

My advice: find out who the reputable agencies are and start with one. Drop in on your mother-in-law unannounced from time to time and take stock of things and of course get her opinion when you can away from the workers. Then don't be afraid to tell the agency if one of the workers is not working out. We went through several and even changed agencies once over the course of a few years starting with a few times a week to eventual 24 hour coverage.

Another good reason for using an agency is for backup in case one worker is sick or has car trouble.

We eventually got lucky with one worker that was everything you could want, skilled, honest, cheerful, caring, hard working. I hope you also are so lucky.

Bob
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#861560 - 01/10/13 07:51 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Mary Offline
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Registered: 11/02/99
Posts: 3653
Loc: New York
Sorta Blonde,
My mother-in-law is not the nicest person in the world and there are no (close) relatives that have any intention of living with her, so we have to get someone from the outside.
It's sad when her sons want no part of being with her. I would be heartbroken if my son thought that badly about me. But that's the way she lived her life, thinking only of herself.
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#861571 - 01/10/13 08:13 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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Can she move into a retirement commmunity that offers partial assistance?
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#861572 - 01/10/13 08:16 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7186
Loc: San Diego, CA
So sad Mary, that the family has been driven away. My neighbor had a sister who died last year and sounds just like this. Made the entire family hate her and wouldn't let them help her in any way. She just made them all feel 'responsible' for all her badness. Sad situation.

Hopefully you will find some really good Agency that will provide just what you need. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed.
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#861580 - 01/10/13 08:51 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Mary Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 11/02/99
Posts: 3653
Loc: New York
BET, my mother-in-law says she's not ready for a place with assistance, but we are trying to convince her otherwise.

Sorta, we're trying to do our best finding an agency, if she needs one, but she's far away from most of her children so we really don't know what's available in her area. We're just starting to look around but don't know which way to turn first.
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#861592 - 01/10/13 11:08 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Draclvr Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 9806
Loc: In Missouri near St. Louis
Mary, my mother is the most wonderful, loving, funny, caring person ever. She is 89 and after a couple of one-month stints in the nursing home to recover from persistent UTI's, my sister, brother and I finally told her she just couldn't go back home and live alone any more. It was just too hard on the family. In November, I drove the 600 miles up there and got her moved in to a wonderful independent living apartment that is in a separate wing from the nursing home. It has been the best thing she ever did. She is completely independent and responsible for everything from her laundry to her medications. But she has meals provided in a dining room and an in-house Life Line just in case something happens. It's been the very best compromise for all of us. Would your MIL be open to something like this if it's available in her area?
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#861595 - 01/10/13 11:25 PM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
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Registered: 01/04/04
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That's what I was thinking Drac. I think they are wonderful way to be because you are still independent but still have someone around in case you need them.

Ana wave
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#861597 - 01/11/13 12:02 AM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
Draclvr Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 9806
Loc: In Missouri near St. Louis
She's also the talk of the complex because she has a computer!
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Gardening is better than therapy. Plus you get tomatoes.

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#861598 - 01/11/13 12:06 AM Re: Home care [Re: Mary]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64783
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Love it!

Ana wave
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