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#861733 - 01/11/13 08:51 PM Saturday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30066
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?"

"I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies.

"Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion."

"Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..."

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib.

This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the two mathematicians standing before it.

After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine.

One mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the other and said with awe, "Do you realise that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations to make a mistake this big?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Microsoft (Nasdaq: MSFT) announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows.

Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.

"We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'General Protection Fault' or 'Illegal Operation' warning.

We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it," said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror.

He also mentioned that Microsoft is intended to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the near future.

The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Ok then, I’ve got your quote, your jokes, & your coffee. yes

Now all you need is a few wise cracks from the head wise cracker, or is it wise quacker? duh

It could be quacker. It seems every time I tell a wise crack I have to "duck" from someone throwing rotten fruit at me. snicker

I think I may be manic compulsive.....or something.

Most people, when they have an itch, will scratch it with their fingers by putting the fingers on the itch, and rapidly moving the fingers back and forth on the itch. headscratch

I, on the other hand, will put my fingers on the itchy part of my body, and then rapidly move that body part back and forth against my fingers. snicker

That reminds me of the time that my oldest son, when he was very young, was riding his bicycle when his shoelace became wrapped around the foot pedal. Instead of taking his shoe off, and unwrapping the shoelace from the foot pedal, he sat down in the middle of the street, and proceeded to try and run the whole bicycle around his foot. rotfl

He got his intelligence from his Mother. Unfortunately he got his common sense from her too.

I can't think of any more wise cracks, or any dumb cracks, for that matter. thumbsdown

I guess I'll see you all at the crack of dawn.

Have a happy day. wink

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (01/11/13 08:56 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#861738 - 01/11/13 09:03 PM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65260
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
rotfl So what's wrong with running the bike around his foot? lol My sister ran away on her tricycle and went to the corner of the block and stayed there because she wasn't allowed to cross streets.

Have a happy day Joe and thanks for providing us with humor and coffee. hearts

I will be in the corner for most of the day and if I get up early enough I'll go to weight class.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
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Don't feed the Trolls

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#861780 - 01/12/13 02:27 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7825
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
The weather is sunny so a walk near the sea
and the old port will be great penguin
Have all a nice Saturday smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#861785 - 01/12/13 03:51 AM Re: Saturday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6058
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveCoffee is on I'll kep it hot!Haroula enjoy your walk,it's 40 degrees here which is not bad for January,have a great day all sherlock
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#861788 - 01/12/13 04:36 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17326
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe it's almost the crack of dawn - where are you? grin Ana hope you get to fit in some fun today! yes Haroula a walk by the sea and the old port sounds lovely. happydance Cailyn temp is 40's here to but very damp and raw! shiver Happy day all! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#861800 - 01/12/13 07:58 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8126
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I would be very happy to send some of our warm air to those that need it. The temps are in the mid 80's. They keep telling me this is Winter. winter Our pool pump died, so we have to send a part back to them to get the pump replaced. We will take it to youngest son today. He runs a Pack and Ship. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, Pancakes, Sausage, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#861809 - 01/12/13 09:03 AM Re: Saturday [Re: Haroula]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9585
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, and Connie. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#861811 - 01/12/13 09:21 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5519
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hope work flies, Joe.

Hope your project goes well, and you have time to go to weight class, Ana. smile

Enjoy your walk by the sea, Haroula. Sounds fantastic. thumbsup

Have a great day, too, Cailyn.

Stay warm, Gerry. shiver

Wow, Connie, that is way too hot for winter. eek It is supposed to get up in the sixties here, which is too warm for Maryland this time of year.

Have a great day, Space Quest.

I'm back everyone. wave Sorry I was gone for so long. All those hours during the holidays, and the week after the holidays for cleanup were just too much after a while, and I needed a break from a lot of things. Now, of course, I have the opposite problem. lol They cut my hours way too much. I'm hoping I get some more when we have pulls, which should happen every week. My manager will just adjust the schedule accordingly week per week.

As for today, I actually have some time to game. happydance

Hope everyone here has a fantastic Saturday. winter

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#861831 - 01/12/13 10:43 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65260
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I'm off to class and hubby is off golfing. Sounds more like summer than winter. lol

Venus, good to see you back!

back in a bit...
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#861846 - 01/12/13 11:58 AM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14582
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a good day!

Ana, enjoy your class.

Cailyn, nice weather. Enjoy the day.

Haroula, I wished I lived near the beach.

Gerry, we still have snow on the ground but temperature is nice.

Connie, hope your pool pump gets replaced soon.

Morning Space.

Venus, have fun gaming!

Slept in this morning. I'll be having a nice quiet day!
_________________________
Gail

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#861859 - 01/12/13 01:07 PM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13700
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe you are just too funny!! Thanks for the laughs!!! lol Only one more to go???? May work go well today!

Ana hubby sure is a dedicated golfer. Isn't it a little cool?? Hope he has fun! Enjoy class and may the corner stay go well!

Cailyn thanks for getting the coffee going!! Have a nice day!

Gerry enjoy the nice temps! Have a nice day!

Oh Haroula what lovely plans for the day, Enjoy!!

Oh Connie, (gulp, gulp) hot chocolate!!! Yummmy and hits the spot to warm me up!! It's 21 and dropping here today! Good luck on the pool part!! Thanks for the treats!!

Space have a lovely weekend!!

venus sounds like they belong to the "giveth and taketh" club. Hope they find you some more hours. In the mean time......Happy Gaming!!

Gail enjoy your nice and quiet day!! HUGS!! Hope you are feeling all better now.

No plans here but walking is not on the list since the temp keeps dropping and the sidewalks are ice.

wave
Nan

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#861863 - 01/12/13 01:20 PM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65260
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Class was great, glad I went and now I am back in the corner. The dogs want out but I'm not in the mood for the mud. They can bond with me at home for a change. puppy

Nan, stay warm and be careful on the ice. We went to 51 and fell to to 36 already. It supposed to go to 23. Hope hubby can get his round in before he freezes. lol
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#861871 - 01/12/13 01:31 PM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42397
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday Ya'll wave

It's hot hot hot in Al. We had to turn the AC on for a little bit last night. It was soooooo hot in the house that I couldn't eat, and that does not happen.

Son was supposed to take the boys to the zoo today, but that fall down the stairs the other day caused some major problems sad

Anyway, off to feed little ones! Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#861880 - 01/12/13 02:23 PM Re: Saturday [Re: looney4labs]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9407
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sounds like an early morning for you! Hope your Saturday is stupendous!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in.... smile

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#861887 - 01/12/13 03:20 PM Re: Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14685
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi all. Just taking a break before I have to go back to work for 5:00. Sounds like you all are having a good day. L4L that's really hot for this time of year. It's in the 40's here.

Midgie hearts
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Just do it.

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