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#861958 - 01/12/13 10:36 PM Sip N Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29947
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W.C. Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Facts of Life
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter (or at least men think it means that). PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My
Spouse.

The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.

Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different
meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys (which gets them in More trouble).

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by
pouting. This will get men arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girls are evil
Girls = time * money

time = money, therefore:

Girls = money * money (*)

But we know that money is a root of all evil, thus:

money = sqrt(evil)

Taking into account (*), we have:

Girls = sqrt(evil)*sqrt(evil)

And finally:

Girls = |evil|

Thus, Girls are the absolute evil!

Clear as mud?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Cynic's Approach To Love
If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Definitions By Gender
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your
questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't
communicate with me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.

The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.

"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.

Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Happy Mother's Day! woot

Well, it's my Mother's day. bravo

It's rumoured she's pushing 85, but she swears she's only 82.

I said Mom, you say you're gonna retire at 90, so which puts you closer to retirement 82, or 85? headscratch

She said "I'm 88". snicker

What a card! hearts

Hmmmm could this be where my penchant for exageration comes from?? rolleyes

Unfortunately it's Sunday and I have to close tonight, but I am off Monday & Tuesday. WooHoo.. woot

Have a happy day everyone.

jose





Edited by gymcandy1 (01/13/13 09:46 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#861960 - 01/12/13 11:19 PM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13153
Loc: Palouse country
An early good morning though it's only 8 Sat eve here. Do know it's been cold, cold for a few days; down in the teens and low 20's.

But now will kick back for the eve and wish all a great Sunday.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#861962 - 01/13/13 12:11 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64480
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for the chuckles Jose and birthday to mom! It looks like the acorn didn't fall far from the tree. lol

It's my anniversary today. hearts

Trippy, stay warm!

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#861967 - 01/13/13 02:19 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7494
Loc: Greece
Joe birthday to your mom.
Ana happy anniversary flowersHow many years?
Good morning boomers have all a nice Sunday wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#861969 - 01/13/13 04:13 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16880
Loc: Marlborough USA
winter Good Morning Joe, Trippy, Ana and Haroula. Joe wishing your mom a Happy Birthday birthday . Hope your work day whooshes by! monky Ana congrats and Happy Anniversary! flowers Trippy that's cold! shiver Hope you stay warm. Haroula enjoy your day. wave Cailyn coffee 's ready! smile Happy Day to all! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#861974 - 01/13/13 04:26 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6011
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Trippy,Haroula,Gerry wave birthdayto your mom Joe,Ana Happy Anniversary to you and hubby!Are you doing anything special today?Gerry thanks for getting the coffee ready,have a great day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#861977 - 01/13/13 04:41 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16880
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning to you to Cailyn. Enjoy your weekend. penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#861980 - 01/13/13 05:07 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, it's time for a work whoosh. Should be a short day today, but it still feels way too early. lol

Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. wave winter

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#861988 - 01/13/13 07:18 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7984
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Joe, birthday to your mother. Ana, Happy Anniversary. flowers I'm sending you some of our warm air. It's still in the 80's here. I will not turn on the AC in Jan. thumbsdown Breakfast out after our walk today. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Sunday. Danish, Pancakes, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, and Toast in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#861997 - 01/13/13 09:44 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: connie]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29947
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

Thanks for the birthday well wishes for Mum. yes

I kept waking up during the night to the sound of rain hitting my windows, and wind blowing. When I got up it was still very cloudy, but it's cleared and sunny now. woot

I'll be heading off to work in a about 3 hours. taz

I can't wait till tomorrow. happydance

Have a great day everyone. rah

joe

OOPS!! Ana HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!! flowers


Edited by gymcandy1 (01/13/13 09:45 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#861999 - 01/13/13 09:54 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9303
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Sunday is easy peasy, and birthday to your Mum!

Hey, Ana! Happy Anniversary toooooooo yooooouuuuu!! flowers

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Volunteering at church this morning!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#862002 - 01/13/13 10:15 AM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21113
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
woot Happy Anniversary Ana .. wishing you both a blessed adventure on your next trip around the sun!!

Morning gang .. just got power back (whew) thank goodness to keep the munchkins quiet thru the day .. grin .. and not miss playoff games lol

Wishing you all a Super Sunday!!

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#862043 - 01/13/13 12:44 PM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13528
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe tell your mom birthday for me!! I see why you are the way you are. lol May work fly so you can start those two days off!! Thanks for the laughs!

Trippy that is warm compared to here. This morning it was like +3 out there but the windchill was on the minus side. lol Hope it warms up for ya.

Ana Happy Aniversary to you and hubby!! May you both have many, many more!!! hearts Hope the corner is going well!!

Gerry thanks for the coffee!! have a nice day!

Cailyn have a nice day!

venus happy whoooooooshing!!! lol

Connie heat please and thank you!!! lol Have a nice walk and a delish breakfast!! Thanks for all the "goodies"!!

Darlene happy volunteering at the church!!

Soot glad the power is now working and hope it stays working!! Have a nice day of football watching!!

No plans here except to stay warm. lol

wave
Nan

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#862062 - 01/13/13 02:38 PM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42098
Loc: Alabama
WooHooo Ana and Happy Anniversary!

Son has disappeared into his room. We will take the boys home 5ish.

Anyone else rooting for the Falcons?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#862069 - 01/13/13 02:59 PM Re: Sip N Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 3338
Loc: kansas
yes L4L falcons all the way.gotta root for them cause of tony gonzales

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