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#863534 - 01/22/13 12:27 AM Tuesday If You're In the Mood
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29787
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.

Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'

Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'

Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '

Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'

Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'

Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'

Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'

Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'

Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'

Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'

Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-CAKE."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Who wouldn't be in the mood for a great Tuesday?

think

Pronounce "hood"

Pronounce "good"

Pronounce "mood"............. duh

I wish I understood English. crazy

I speak it, but I don't understand it. cool

"He admires their lives, and yet he lives a hermit's life." slapforehead

Phunee.... lol

I'm in the mood for some good food.

I'm also in the mood to go to bed. tired

Have a HAPPY day everyone.

It's ok to be moody.

joe




Edited by gymcandy1 (01/22/13 12:29 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#863543 - 01/22/13 02:21 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6912
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,I hope you have a
great day wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#863551 - 01/22/13 03:04 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who stop by later waveWe got snow last night about 4in.and more on the way winterCoffee is ready I'll keep it hot,happy day wished for all shiver
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#863557 - 01/22/13 04:54 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16314
Loc: Marlborough USA
winter Good Morning Joe, Haroula and cailyn. Joe enjoy your moody Tuesday! Haroula how about a walk on the beach! Cailyn we just got a dusting of snow. I hope you don't get to much more. maybe this will be a gaming day for you. Enjoy your day everyone! winter
_________________________
Gerry

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#863568 - 01/22/13 06:11 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave winter


Edited by venus (01/22/13 06:11 AM)

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#863572 - 01/22/13 06:45 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13762
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, good day to you!

Haroula, how's your weather?

Cailyn, get out the shovel. Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, is there more snow on the way for you also?

Venus, have a good day.

Connie, good moring when you arrive.

Not too much snow here but there's more coming by the end of the week. Think this is going to be a gaming day for me. winter
_________________________
Gail

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#863577 - 01/22/13 07:25 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7810
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to Costco is on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. I just talked to daughter-in-law. I guess the boys will be gone for another 2 to 3 weeks. They left in early Dec. for Pa. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, Donuts, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. Crunchy Donut Holes for L4L. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#863604 - 01/22/13 09:55 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7296
Loc: the dusty desert
good morning , everyone ! hope you have a wonderful day , whatever you're doing !

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#863606 - 01/22/13 09:58 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: niteowl07]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9153
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Tuesday puts you in a mahvelous mood!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#863620 - 01/22/13 10:34 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Learning how to text. Yeah! Susie was excited about me getting a phone. We are going over there on Sunday and she wants me to bring it. Of course I'm going to.

It's cold here but not as cold as where Nan is. How is it in Chicago Ana?

My coffee cup is calling me and I am waiting for my phone to charge up so I can play with it some more.

Coffeeeeeeeee!!!

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#863624 - 01/22/13 10:44 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I will be in the corner all day which is fine by me because I can't get a shoe on anyways except my crocs and it's too cold for crocs.

It's -2 and a windchill of -12. Thank you Nan kissy lol

Have a happy day everyone. Life is good!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#863643 - 01/22/13 11:26 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I'm pretending it's Monday so I'll be stirring, stewing, and grilling the books, probably right up til time to leave for Bible Study tonight.

Ana, what did I miss? Did you fall?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#863645 - 01/22/13 11:27 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13277
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe who wouldn't like a Tuesday???? Hope you have some fun plans for today! Are you all unpacked now? Thanks for the laughs and have a nice day!

Haourla have a lovely day!

Cailyn at least it is some insulation for the ground in case this cold makes it's way there. Have a nice day!

Gerry a dusting is a waste of Mother Natures time. lol Have a nice day!

venus how was lunch yesterday?? May work be fun!!

Gail happy gaming!!! Just the right plans for the day.. I think I will too cause it is too cold for walking. lol

Connie that is good about the boys, right?? That means they have work!! Have fun shopping and thanks for the danish!

Niteowl have a fun day!!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!!

Bets sounds like you are having fun with your new toy!! lol I have an IPhone 4s and love it!! Have a nice day!

Ana want to trade???? lol Was -20 this morning but is up to -14 now. Tomorrow we might actually get above zero. lol Hope the corner goes well and what a better thing to do when it is so cold out anyway. Prayers the toe gets better soonest for ya. hearts

Well off to see what's afoot, as Darlene would say.

shiver
Nan

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#863652 - 01/22/13 11:44 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
L4L, I'm pretty sure I broke my little toe yesterday. It's the tiny end and not the big joint so nothing that can be done except let it be to heal. I danced on it last night and clearly angered it but if I can possibly get my five finger shoes on tomorrow, I'll dance on it again. rotfl
Good luck cooking the books!

Nan, no thanks! lol That's not cold, that's insane! rotfl THat's incredible they found that guy alive. An angel surely was watching over him.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#863654 - 01/22/13 11:47 AM Re: Tuesday If You're In the Mood [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6778
Loc: San Diego, CA
Happy Tuesday to all! I'm still thinking it's Monday. Ugh.

Good news is that before 7 am I heard 'sidewalk work' noises across the way. I was right! They are back to work, finally after a whole week of nothing being done. Hope it goes smoothly from here. The residents whose sidewalks were 'framed in' over a week ago will be happy. They have had to park on my street and walk half a block through dirt and dangerous wood and metal stakes to get to their houses. Gonna be nice to have it all finished. Keeping fingers crossed no more delays.

RIP Stripey Kitty. She was a spayed female who wandered in over 15 years ago and spent her life happily hunting critters in my yard and the neighbors. Her friend, Spot, is about the same age, appeared the same time and also seems to be spayed. I'm sure someone dumped them and I provided warm outdoor accomodations and water and food every day. Poor Stripey passed away peacefully in her sleep, curled up in a nice kitty bed, beside Spot, her long time friend. Dunno if Spot will notice she's gone, but they were inseparable all these years. Stripey had been getting thinner for the past few weeks and nothing seemed wrong. I'm guessing old age, liver or kidney failure. Found out finally today, when I could actually touch her (feral to the max) that she still had Staples in her tummy from the spaying all those years ago! Never seemed to bother her, I had no idea, but always guessed about the spaying because no males ever bothered her or her friend. Friend Spot, has a scar (she's fairly friendly in the last 2 years finally) and I can pick her up. Ferals are strange ones, but they deserve love too. Off to animal control with poor Stripey in an hour when they open.

Feral count outside is now Six, and my old cat, Bubba inside all his life, makes a lucky Seven.

Off to watch a sidewalk dry.
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WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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