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#864173 - 01/24/13 10:22 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30106
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound."
Pat Elphinstone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a letter from an Oklahoma mother to her son.

Dear Son:

I’m writing this slow, because I know you don’t read too fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved thirty miles away. I won’t be able to send you the address because that last family that lived here took the numbers with them so they would not have to change their address.

This new home has a washing machine. The first day I put four of your dad’s shirts in it and pulled the chain, and they started going around ok, but then they disappeared. I think I must find a new stopper for it. It only rained twice this week. The first time for four days, and the second time for three days.

The coat you wanted me to send you was too heavy, because of the heavy buttons on it, so I cut the buttons off and put them in the pocket.

We got a bill from funeral home. It said if we didn’t make the last payment on Grandma’s funeral, up she comes.

About your father, he has a lovely new job. He has over 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery.

About your sister. She had a baby this morning. I’m not sure yet if she had a boy or a girl, so I’m not sure if you are a aunt or an uncle.

Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him. He burned for three days.

Also your aunt Vita May is sick and near death’s door. We’re all praying the Doctors can pull her through.

Four of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up. The driver got out. He rolled the window down and swam to safety. The passenger inside could not get his window down so he drowned, and the two in the back drowned when they could not get the tailgate to open.

They tried cremation on them, but could not get them to burn. The funeral was closed casket of course.

Not much more news at this time. Nothing much happening around here. Write more often.

Love Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.
What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.
Can you show me something less expensive?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Good morning everyboomie. wave

It’s good to see you all this morning.

Well it would be good to see you all if I weren’t working. duh

Did I say I loved my job?

I lied. blush

I like it though.

Yeah that’s a lie too. rolleyes

I tolerate it though, with wild enthusiasm.

No that’s a lie too. whistle

I tolerate it with MILD enthusiasm……………….honestly & that’s no lie. thumbsup

Just talking about it makes me incredibly excited.

That’s a lie, but it does give me happy thoughts. snicker

I’m sorry that’s a lie too.

It makes me nauseas .

I’d better go throw up and get to bed. I have an early day, and I'm blank now. sick

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (01/24/13 10:26 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#864177 - 01/24/13 10:44 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65493
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Wouldn't it be nice if you could earn a living hunting for points? That'll give you sweet dreams. hearts

Have a happy day Joe and all...no Zumba for me but I am going to try and get the dogs out. They really need it and the fresh air will certainly do me some good too. I'm going stir crazy.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#864186 - 01/25/13 02:15 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7965
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later wave
Have all a nice day smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#864196 - 01/25/13 05:26 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17465
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe don't work to hard. Ana a walk in the fresh air always makes you feel alive! Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is ready Cailyn. I hope your hand feels better. Happy Day wished for all! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#864209 - 01/25/13 06:53 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14694
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a good day!

Ana, glad you're getting the chance to enjoy the outdoors with the dogs.

Haroula, have a gre4at day.

Cailyn, hope all is well with you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Have a good one.

Connie, enjoy your day when you come in.

Midgie,have a good work day.

Venus, enjoy your workday also.

Nan, how's your weather been? How's little Sassy doing?

To all who enter I'm hoping it's a great day for all! Still bitter cold here. Hoping for a warm-up soon.
_________________________
Gail

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#864216 - 01/25/13 07:22 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8160
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Biscuits and Sausage Gravy, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#864230 - 01/25/13 09:50 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30106
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

I'm doing a little surfing about while waiting for work time.

The weather changed, so we're expecting to be 10 degrees cooler than yesterday, at least. yes

It's dark and cloudy but it's gonna be a super day anyway. penguin

I hope you all enjoy yours. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#864235 - 01/25/13 10:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9440
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#864265 - 01/25/13 11:13 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42504
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hubby is playing golf for a going away for someone from the office today. We are in the 50's but a bit overcast.

The boys came yesterday so son has been up for awhile this morning. He is going to see if he can get the Cully to take a nap with him. He is so not a morning person.

I'm not sure what's on the agenda today. I'll have to find something for dinner though. Thinking thinking.

Thanks Connie for the biscuit bottoms....nice and crunchy!

Daughter called and said her Arch is fractured but thankfully, no ligaments have been ripped off so no surgery.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#864267 - 01/25/13 11:18 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13750
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe I hope work flies and goes well. Thanks for the laughs. Only one more after today!

Ana do be careful out there in that new snow. I am sure that both you and the dogs are more then ready for a nice run in the woods. Enjoy! Hope the project is moving along like you would like it to!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk, be careful out there and a nice day!

Gail it has been freezing here but last night it warmed up and snowed! In fact it is still snowing. Sassy likes the snow but not all those -teens we have had. Hope all is going well for you!! HUGS!

Connie have a fun day what ever you do! Thanks for the danish!

Darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly!! The weekend is upon us again!!

No plans till taxi time and then off to work the fish fry!

wave
Nan

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#864277 - 01/25/13 11:54 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65493
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
After 355 days of no snow over an inch Chicago finally got 1.1 inches last night. rotfl Unbelievable! Mind you areas around us have had 6+ inches but not officially in Chicago at O'Hare. In my lifetime I never recall such snowless winters.

Nan, it'll be fun today because I can follow the animal prints in the snow if they are out and about.
I am taking them out after lunch.

Gail, hope you are feeling well.

I wonder how Sharon is doing. hearts

be back
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#864296 - 01/25/13 02:40 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42504
Loc: Alabama
Nan, that is too funny to see "it warmed up and snowed."

Wow, Ana, that is a long time without snow. How is your toe?

The doggies and I went for a nice 2 mile walk. It's in the 70's, but windy windy windy. So glad I had earphones in. Now time to rehydrate. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#864303 - 01/25/13 03:47 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65493
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
L4L, my toe is not ready to go dancing but I was able to get it in my clunky snow boots. yay I'm glad you got out for a nice walk today.

We had a great couple miles through the woods. The only prints were bunny and squirrel and a couple sets of small doe prints. Not much activity out there today.

Back in the corner for me....
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#864304 - 01/25/13 03:56 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9642
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#864307 - 01/25/13 04:06 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7965
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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