When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If any of these describe you, you're a redneck!
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her behind.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gifts bought at Graceland.
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the heck are you looking at?
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You go to your family reunion to meet women.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Good morning everyboomie.
I came, I saw, I conquered.
In reALity, I came , I posted, I retired.
I just need a bottle of warm milk, and some Depends, and I'm all set.
It wouldn't help if I had Depends on anyway, because I would just dream about going all night long.
I think I could use an angioplasty to my bladder.
That's probably the wrong terminology, but did I ever say I was a doctor?
Happy dreams everyone, and then have a happy day.