Who knew that dog saliva can mend a broken heart?
Jennifer Neal, nakedjen
Is it Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples...
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...
You're stuck between the Baby Boomers and Generations X'ers if...
1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool.
2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.
3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song (Just eat it, eat it, don't make me repeat it...)
4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"
5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar.
6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV.
7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.
9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny.
10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
11 You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...When I was your age...You know,back when...
13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language (Conjunction junction, what's your function....).
14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.
15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy for You" or "Leather and Lace".
16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete.
17. The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs.
20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."
21. You've shopped at a Benetton.
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor Made 460 driver.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA Superstore?
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
Good morning everyboomie.
Congratulations 49er fans!
You all got to bed early without any late partying. That means no hangovers this morning.
For the Raven fans we'll tiptoe around, and whisper.
Well, some of the 49er fans may not agree to that.
Can't blame 'em.
I don't work until 2:00 today, and then I'll probably walk around, and avoid doing any work at all for 7 hours.
Trying to avoid customers AND managers all day really takes it out of me.
It'll be a long day for sure.
Have a happy day everyone.