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#866129 - 02/03/13 11:12 PM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30021
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Who knew that dog saliva can mend a broken heart?
Jennifer Neal, nakedjen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is it Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples...

FREEZER BAGS
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TIRES
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

HOURGLASS
An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're stuck between the Baby Boomers and Generations X'ers if...

1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool.

2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.

3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song (Just eat it, eat it, don't make me repeat it...)

4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"

5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar.

6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV.

7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.

8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.

9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny.

10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.

11 You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.

12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...When I was your age...You know,back when...

13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language (Conjunction junction, what's your function....).

14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.

15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy for You" or "Leather and Lace".

16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete.

17. The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs.

20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."

21. You've shopped at a Benetton.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.

I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor Made 460 driver.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA Superstore?

Signed...
Concerned Golfer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Congratulations 49er fans! yay

You all got to bed early without any late partying. That means no hangovers this morning. thumbsup

For the Raven fans we'll tiptoe around, and whisper. snicker

Well, some of the 49er fans may not agree to that. duh

Can't blame 'em. wink

I don't work until 2:00 today, and then I'll probably walk around, and avoid doing any work at all for 7 hours.

Trying to avoid customers AND managers all day really takes it out of me. tired

It'll be a long day for sure. grin

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (02/03/13 11:14 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#866130 - 02/03/13 11:25 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64906
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and thanks for the chuckles. I do remember all the things you mentioned. lol

It's snowing here and we are supposed to add a few inches toi the few inches we got the other day. yay It's finally winter.

I'll be running the dogs in the snow, they need to get out and then I'll be in the corner all day. I am hoping to go to Salsa Funk class but I am not sure. My toe is not well at all but I really need to get out.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#866137 - 02/04/13 02:09 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7651
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later wave
Hubby is doing the garden,me and jr.will
go to the playground,lovely day again happydance
Have all a great day flowers
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#866142 - 02/04/13 04:08 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6043
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveAna sorry your toe isn't better heartsmy hand is still a little sore and it's been almost 2 weeks,I don't know things seem to take longer to heal the older you are woozyWe got a little snow here also winterCoffee is ready to warm any body ,have a terrific day everyone penguin
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#866144 - 02/04/13 05:30 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17140
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe if you move fast enough no one will see you at work! monky Ana sounds like the doc should have a look at your toe. puppy Haroula how nice hubby is gardening for you. yes cailyn maybe you should have your hand check by the doctor. think Hope everyone has a peaceful Monday! smile wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#866147 - 02/04/13 06:02 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5412
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great day, everyone. winter

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#866150 - 02/04/13 06:17 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17140
Loc: Marlborough USA
cat You to venus! cat
_________________________
Gerry

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#866152 - 02/04/13 06:41 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8066
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what the day will bring yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Fruit Cups, Oatmeal, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#866153 - 02/04/13 06:42 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14421
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday feels short.

Ana, enjoy running the dogs in the snow. Careful of the toe. I have one more treatment left next Monday. Can't wait. Then I'll have six weeks of radiation but I don't care cause I'll be done with treatments.

Haroula, have fun at the playground.

Cailyn, hoope your hand heals soon.

Gerry, have a nice day.

Venus, enjoy the day at work.

Connie, have a great day when you arrive.

A good day is wished for all. Have some Lab work this morning then nothing on the agenda for later. I think I may be in for a gaming afternoon.
_________________________
Gail

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#866173 - 02/04/13 10:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your morning before work is relaxing!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#866191 - 02/04/13 10:55 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42260
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I gave up on the game and went to bed last night when the 49er's came surging back. I'll have to go up and watch the ending on the dvr later.

We had waaaaaaaay too much fun and everyone had fun. Today I'll be doing something, just not sure what. I have a feeling it will be a little of this and a little of that and maybe a nap. Only time will tell.

Ana, I'm sorry your toe is being evil.

Gail, hugs!

Cooooffffeeee puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#866199 - 02/04/13 11:34 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64906
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies. May I ask you all to send some positive thoughts to my sis and BIL please and thank you. He lost his job this morning and with his daughters wedding in May and his son at Ohio State University this was an expensive year for him already. It was completely unexpected, he was their CFO for 15 years or more.

Haroula, I smile when I hear different our weather is. lol We got another few inches of snow overnight.

Sue, I hope your hand feels better soon. It does indeed take longer the older we get.

Gerry, if I thought it would make a difference I would go to the doctor immediately. It sadly is not my first time with the same baby toe. lol I hope your day is wonderful.

Venus, have a great day!

Connie, I hope today brings something fun. Are the boys back now?

Gail, I am so glad you are nearing the end of treatments. hearts I hope the next round is easier to take.

Darlene, I hope your weekend was fun!

L4L, you went to bed too early! It was a great SuperBowl, exciting to the end.

be back
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#866211 - 02/04/13 12:51 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42260
Loc: Alabama
I did indeed Ana, but I have it DVR'd so I'll watch the last bit later. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#866212 - 02/04/13 12:57 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7218
Loc: San Diego, CA
Oh dear, Ana! What a horrible thing to happen to your sis and BIL! 15 years and out the door, sigh. Prayers for all.

And in other Apartment news:

Heard loud, low pitched barking and growing which sounded like it was right out front of my house. Guess what? It was. To my horror, a HUGE pit bull, was tied to MY fence and was being very aggressive. I ran inside, called my neighbor guy, advised him of what was happening. In the meantime, I go back out and the Owner...I think, had come back and retrieved the dog (which had on a collar and was on a ROPE lead) and it was acting very docile now). I pointed and gestured and he seemed to be indicating it was his. So he walked the dog back one house over to the Apartments and tied him to the fence there. I guess it's potty time? Dunno, but this guy is NEW and has only been here less than 2 weeks and already trouble.

Pit bull isn't friendly unless the guy is holding him, and that flimsy rope (just a plain old sisal rope) won't hold him if my orange cat decides to cross the road right there as usual. I can see terrible things happening.

No idea why the apartment manager/owner would allow such a huge dog there, in a single room setting with a guy who looks either drugged up or drunk all the time. Danger to anyone walking by and if he ever is tied to MY fence again, I'll get involved.

Can't risk complaining right now, but if life and limb are involved, I'll do my civic duty. All I can see is that dog attacking someone walking by. He's tied close enough to reach the sidewalk! Loads of older people and kids and moms with babies walk there every day. Sigh.

And just when I thought things were calming down. duh
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#866230 - 02/04/13 02:50 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13637
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe happy Thursday!! Hope it flies and goes well. Thanks for the laughs.

Ana just remember.......the short term sacrifice for the long term goal......a healed toe!!! lol Have fun in the snow. None here has fallen but tonight they say!

Haroula hope the playground was fun!! Have a lovely day! Nice of hubby!!

Cailyn, Gerry, Midge, venus, Connie have all a great day!

Gail HUGS!! Soon it wiil all be over and prayers continue!! hearts

Darlene may work go smoothly!

L4l have fun doing "something"!!! lol

Sorta I wonder about apartments and those "big" dogs all the time. Can't be fun for the dog with so little space.

wave
Nan

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