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#866919 - 02/07/13 10:04 PM Friday's Other Day Off
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30117
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.
Irish Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

A few bricks shy of a full load.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical...

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control...

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest)...


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I will sleep so good tonight. My consciousness faded long before the daylight did. sleep

We had such a beautiful day after the early morning dreary start, and late afternoon brought sunshine, so Baby and I headed across the road to head hunt. rah

My behind is very sore from working in the yard, and squatting to pick up so many leaves, and old mulch, and then squatting to dig for arrowheads across the road. shocked

I only did the front yard today which is the easy side of the house. That leaves the back yard, which is a mountain of leaves, and twigs, and acorns. shocked

Something just occured to me. think No one ever sees the back yard so I should just leave it to nature.

That, however, is the wrong thought....naturally. rolleyes

My uncle is coming down to visit tomorrow, and I work Sat. & Sun., then I'm off again on Mon. and Tue. So...... think

Another thought occurs to me.

It stands to reason that I should leave the back yard till next year.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe




Edited by gymcandy1 (02/07/13 10:10 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#866920 - 02/07/13 10:19 PM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65554
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, consider it mulch and leave it to mother nature to clean up. It makes nice refuge for critters that need shelter too. Enjoy your day off.

I will be working but I will for sure be taking the dogs to run and play in the snow.

Hope you all in the path of the snow and ice stay safe! hearts

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#866930 - 02/08/13 02:12 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6078
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana waveDon't know why I'm up so early,I should be sleeping sleepI won't be going any where today as they want everyone to stay off the roads,no school,public transportation stops at 3:00 this afternoon! I guess we're in for a Doozy of a Blizzard eekSo I will try to nap latern snow yet but a black sky,Coffee is on I'll keep it hot and fresh.Gail,Midge,Gerry hopeing we all don't lose power,enjoy your day everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#866932 - 02/08/13 02:33 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8008
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Sue and all who come in later wave
Hae all a great day happydance
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#866943 - 02/08/13 04:22 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17500
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. We are waiting for the snowstorm to start this morning. We have a blizzard warning for the whole state of Connecticut. One to two feet of snow is expected before it ends Saturday afternoon. High winds are expected to cause the power to go out. Hope everyone has a safe day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#866951 - 02/08/13 05:57 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14720
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. They're forecasting 2 feet or more on the South Shore. I have to work this morning. Hopefully I'll be back home before the snow storm gets bad. Wow we're in for a beaut. I hope everyone stays safe. Have a good day all.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#866952 - 02/08/13 06:07 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14710
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Enjoy your time off.

Ana, have fun with the dogs.

Cailyn, Midge, Gerry, wishing you all to say safe. Last I heard was a possible 30 inches and wind.

Guess it's going to be a stay-in day! Everything is closed in my town. Just hope the power stays on. winter
_________________________
Gail

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#866954 - 02/08/13 06:11 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5632
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great day, everyone. winter

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#866958 - 02/08/13 07:13 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8165
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Prayers to all in the path of the storm. May you be safe and your power remain on. To all here and all who follow may your TGIF be a Good one. Danish, Cinnamon Rolls, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#866974 - 02/08/13 10:02 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9448
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your time off today!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Prayers for safety for all in the path of the storms! hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#866979 - 02/08/13 10:27 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42539
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's not a great day out there today, but it is a day, so let's make it a good one!

Son and Cully must be napping. I'll be interested to hear if the boys slept in their own room last night. Later son has a "field trip" with Per...they are going out to eat. The Cully will stay with me so drama will ensue, but will stop as soon as dad clears the door.

Joe, we leave our back yard to nature. I'd leave my front yard to nature too but hubby objects.

All Ya'll in the path of the storm stay safe and warm.


wave to everyone.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#866983 - 02/08/13 10:48 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13759
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy the kday off and have a nice visit with your uncle!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana is there light yet?? lol Have fun out with the dogs in the new snow. It is still snowing lightly here and they are talking a big storm for Sun-Mon. eek Hoping they are wrong.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn, Gerry, Gail, Midge stay safe in the storm!! Prayers that it isn't as bad as they think and that your power remains on!!

Connie have a lovely day and ,thanks for the treats!

venus happy whoooooshing!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!!

L4l have fun Cully watching!!!

No plans till taxi time.

wave
Nan

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#867000 - 02/08/13 11:59 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7366
Loc: San Diego, CA
My good friend and neighbor's 83rd birthday was yesterday. She's got more energy and drive than 2 of me! I gave her a set of those 'flameless candles' which I LOVE. Got them all over my house. Make great lights to just brighten a dark corner, look like real candles, smell like real candles, flicker like real candles and run on batteries which last a looooong time even when on 24/7. No more worrying about her starting a fire over there (she loves candles) when she falls asleep in her recliner watching TV.

I'm beginning to see the 'good' side of raccoons. The mom has been back about every 2 weeks for a 'snack' and now the babies are starting to appear to scarf up every bit of food in sight. Actually this is turning out good for me since the outdoorsie cats tend to leave some canned food on the plates (the possums eat some) and it gets dried out overnight and nobody wants it. BUT the raccoons gobble it up and lick the plates clean. Yup, it's a mixed blessing/curse with baby raccons, who are now almost ss big as mom! Only way to tell them apart is the babies have shorter tails.

Supposed to rain. Not seeing it. And I'm on the lookout for that 'killer cop' who is mad at the world and has killed 3 people (revenge for getting fired) and wounded others and is leading police everywhere on a merry chase. He's smart, he's playing games and he was HERE. Only a few miles away (about 3) and who knows where else. Scary scary. He's a decorated veteran, smart guy, feels he got a raw deal (might have ya never know) and now has gone off the deep end and is taking it out on the police, especially those directly connected to his firing AND their families. He killed the daughter of his Captain and her fiance and promises to kill others. It's crazy. Hope they find him soon. They are now looking in the town of Big Bear, CA where they found his burned out truck. I think he's still down here and that was a decoy. Yup. Detective Sorta on the job.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#867001 - 02/08/13 11:59 AM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7544
Loc: the dusty desert
morning,everyone !

cold here ,but sunny.

prayers for all in the path of the snow ,please stay safe and warm.

not much packing left,but still have a couple of utilities to get switched over for the end of the month ,and a p.o. box to get . i'm tired lol

my person for the swap was in belgium,and my package went out mon. ,as did hers. so now we are waiting for our "goodies" to arrive. will keep you posted.

back when i can ,have a great day !

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#867021 - 02/08/13 01:09 PM Re: Friday's Other Day Off [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11420
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Just past Good Morning time. I missed it.

Been watching the weather channel. Good luck to all in the path of Nemo. Stay safe everyone. Midge, hope you get home before it starts. Boston is already getting snow.

We have a cold yucky day today. Really feels damp out. Last I looked it was 36 and cloudy. Good day to stay in and play. Still have one load of laundry to fold and put away. Need to do that soon.

Take care everyone and please stay safe.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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