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#867488 - 02/11/13 01:08 AM Moon Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The Warning Signs of Insanity...


Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.

You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.

You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.

Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.

Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion.

You collect dead windowsill flies.

Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

Melba toast excites you.

When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because "the napkins have ears."

You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)

People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

You keep thinking this is the year for the Red Sox.

You despise the voices in your head, especially the one that speaks only Hindi.

You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you from joining them.

The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.

You like reading lists like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


New Medications

Advances in science have lead to new medicines that make the lives of women around the world a little better...

Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to heck for up to 8 hours.

St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-all
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.

JackAsspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Antitalksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamat
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant...

"I finished the Oreo's."

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"

"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

"Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Get your *own* ice cream."

"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

"Got milk ?"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."

"Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your behind!"

"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning all you Boomers. wave

Wassup? smile

I have 2 days off and 13 1/2 things to do. slapforehead

Today is supposed to be 62 degrees and partly sunny. Tomorrow is going to be 47 and rainy.

I have a whole bunch yard work I need to do, which I won't be able to do if it's rainy. I have a trip to Texas to make for things such as new glasses, and the really important stuff such as underwear and socks, which I won't want to do if it's rainy. Then there's the overriding desire to hunt arrowheads for 2 days, which I won't be doing if it's rainy. smirk

As for the OTHER 10 1/2 things...... duh..I'm not a procrastinating juggernaut for no reason. cool

The real question of the day is, which 2 of the BIG 3 won't get done?.......... think hmmmm....That's a tough one. snicker

I've put off getting new glasses for 2 years. What's a nuther 2 weeks. wink

Have a happy day everybody.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (02/11/13 01:15 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#867492 - 02/11/13 02:35 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7815
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#867500 - 02/11/13 04:28 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17308
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Coffee is ready.Cailyn hope all is well with you. Have a nice day all! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#867509 - 02/11/13 05:31 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry waveLost power got it back on after midnight last night penguinWe've been trying to dig our way out crazymust get to a store today!Gerry thanks for the coffee,enjoy your day everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#867511 - 02/11/13 06:12 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5507
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, I'm off for another work whoosh. wave Have a terrific day, everyone. winter

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#867518 - 02/11/13 07:44 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Boomers! wave

Another exciting Dr. appt for me today. Hoping for a good report, scared they'll tell me I have to go back into hospital. Let's keep our fingers crossed... sad

It's another rainy day, but not quite as cold.
Sorry to hear you're still digging out Cailyn.

How are all our pets doing out there? My cat's doing okay. A little annoyed with me because for 2 straight days I forgot to give her canned food. And also when Brielle was here I wouldn't let her play with those tantalizing wiggling feet... lol

Have a good day! shiver

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#867537 - 02/11/13 08:54 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14564
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope the rain holds off so you can get some head hunting in.

Haroula, have a great day.

Cailyn, so glad your power is back.

Gerry, have a good one.

Venus hello

Sharon, a good report is wished for you. Storm we had here got my animals frantic but all is well now.

Ana, have a good day when you come in.

Wishing everyone a fantastic Monday. Last treatment for me today. YAY! Going to come home and wait for my hair to grow back. rotfl
_________________________
Gail

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#867558 - 02/11/13 10:24 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65221
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope you can get some fun stuff in those days off. Careful in your travels!

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, hope you are all dug out now.

Sue, happy to see you are okay and I hope you had a generator for at least the heat. Be careful heading out to the store.

Venus, hope work goes by fast.

Sharon, good luck at the docs! Let us know how it went. Give the kitty a can before you go. catrub

Gail, prayers that you will get through this last round without feeling ill. I hope your hairs grow back fast. hearts
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#867572 - 02/11/13 11:36 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13694
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well so much for a post. Just got a call and must run! Have a wonderful day all. Be back!!

wave
Nan

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#867578 - 02/11/13 11:55 AM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42379
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Son woke me as had to run out the door to get to son's field trip which was supposed to be last Friday but was rescheduled to Monday. Then he called and said the time had been switched. So, I'm home with Mr C.

It is yuk and raining here, so I'm going to sip and surf as I can.

luck Sharon! wave


Edited by looney4labs (02/11/13 02:59 PM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#867584 - 02/11/13 12:36 PM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Boomers!! Cool here and partly cloudy but certainly not as cold as it has been. Hubby's roofer friend is here to start on his shop roof, yay!!! I love my new washer and dryer!! They are all I had hoped for and more, lol! Hope things go great for you SharonB and you too Gail!! You are so brave. I would give you some of my hair if I could!!! Just a little housework today and some gaming!! MIL is slowly doing better but so far to go yet!!! My own Mum is hanging in there. Her memory lapses more and more...so hard to see this. Hope you get out of the corner today Ana!!! Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#867593 - 02/11/13 01:14 PM Re: Moon Day [Re: Lotus777]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Thanks for your well wishes. smile It worked! My doctor says I'm healing well, no infection but some irritation because I can't leave the scabs alone. He repeats his admonition that I must stay away from my cat or any other animal. So I'm doing good!

Gail I'm so glad this is the last treatment and I have faith that your hair will return quickly.

Lotus, I envy you your new washer and dryer. Saying a prayer for your mom and MIL.

Looney, thanks for the good luck wish. It worked! It's rainy here too, but it feels colder inside than outside. I'm going to Walmart tomorrow to buy a space heater. I've been freezing here (I have a very low tolerance for cold and a very high tolerance for heat) but can't afford to turn the heat up too high.

Ana, she's had dry food and kitty treats but that'a just not going to cut it when you want gravy! laugh

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#867601 - 02/11/13 02:11 PM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2095
Loc: Lexington, Texas
I went to bed at 6 PM last night and woke up at 8 AM this morning -Wow- it ought to be a sterling gameing day, all that sleep.

That new cat, Schemer, -oh General Schemer- he can eat. This morning 4 cans of Fancy Feast and 1/4 can Mighty Dog. That's more than I've had today. I'll have to cut back on something else just to keep him fed. I have a Commander Buttons and a General Schemer now, the rest of us, all girls, will be well protected now.

Cold rainey and dark day. Good gaming and movie watching day. When I ate meat these were pot roast days -oh how good the kitchen smelled.

Happy snow day,are the schools closed
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#867610 - 02/11/13 03:22 PM Re: Moon Day [Re: Yankee Clipper]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9579
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. I'm so glad that Monday is out of the way. eek
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#867618 - 02/11/13 04:08 PM Re: Moon Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14680
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi guys. Well, it was slip and slide this morning on my way to work. Coming home earlier it was pouring rain. I have to go back to work shortly so I'll just say have a great rest of the day. I need to take my umbrella with me. Two days ago we had 2 1/2 feet of snow and couldn't get out the door. Ahhh New England weather. Can't beat it.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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