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#868263 - 02/14/13 06:52 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30150
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Signs Of The Times


Apartment building sign:
"No baby carriages or foreign cars allowed in the lobby."

Bar sign:
"Lunch now being poured."

Chinese Laundry sign:
"We don't tear your clothes with clumsy machinery - we do it carefully by hand."

Church sign:
"You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, you can ignore this notice."

Divorce Lawyer's door:
"Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back."

Miss Piggy's sign:
"Never eat more than you can lift."

Newspaper headline:
"County officials talk rubbish."

Plumber's sign:
"Do it yourself. Then call us before it's too late."

Psychiatrist advertisement:
"A cure guaranteed or your mania back."

Restaurant Diner sign:
"Everything comes to him who orders hash."

Restaurant Sign:
"Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves."

Scottish Golf Course sign:
"Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling."

Teamwork sign:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream."

Truck sign:
"Pass with care - I chew tobacco."

Orthopedic Surgeon sign:
"Never accept a drink from a urologist."

Taxidermist sign:
"If called by a panther, don't anther."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actual Classified Ads

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale

3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Airline Announcements
Here are some humorous statements made by airline flight crews...

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

Pilot - "Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can't get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched asthey leave the aircraft.

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I got a raise at work yesterday. penguin

I found a dollar on the floor. razz

I may take a friend to lunch today...

yeah...to The Dollar Store. snicker

Hey that stuff rhymes! idea

Yep, I can do that any time. thumbsup

That's all the dumb stuff I have for you now.

It's time for bed any how. sleep

Have a happy day ever body. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#868265 - 02/14/13 07:04 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65747
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, thanks for the chuckles and I hope Baby will be feeling her old self today. Dogs heal so much faster than we do. puppy

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I'll be in the corner for much of it.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#868292 - 02/14/13 09:45 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14743
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks Joe for making me smile. Hi Ana wave. I need to get to bed now. I have an early shift in the morning. See you after work. Hugs.

Midgie sleep
_________________________
Just do it.

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#868301 - 02/14/13 10:36 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9714
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to the weekend Boomers.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#868320 - 02/15/13 02:20 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8087
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Midgie,S.Q.F and all wave
Have a happy day happydance
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#868329 - 02/15/13 04:20 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6095
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all waveCoffee is ready,happy day wished for everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#868330 - 02/15/13 04:54 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17598
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midge, SpaceQ, Haroula and Cailyn. I hope everyone has a sunny day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#868339 - 02/15/13 06:17 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5669
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, it's time for another work whoosh. Also, lunch with my friend today. thumbsup Hope everyone has a great Friday. winter

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#868346 - 02/15/13 07:30 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8194
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We will be waiting for FedEx to bring our computer chairs today. Please keep hubby in your thoughts, as he is having a hard time shaking this last cold he picked up. He is very discouraged. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Apple Turnovers, Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#868353 - 02/15/13 08:30 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21495
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning gang laugh TGIF!! Prayers winging your way for hubby Connie to kick that cold! And hope Baby is doing better Joe yes

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Sniff, sniff sniff, sniff sniff sniff .. I smell the weekend laugh

Whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#868397 - 02/15/13 11:41 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13800
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe this is it and then the weekend off!! yay Hope the time flies! Thanks for the chuckles and I hope Baby is feeling better today!

Ana hope the time in the corner is productive and goes well.

Midge sleep well and have fun at work!

Space may work fly and the weekend start!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee! Have a lovely day!

Gerry enjoy a nice walk and have a nice day!

venus Happy Whooooshing!! Enjoy lunch!

Connie prayers for hubby!! I know just what he is going through. Mine seems to want to keep hanging on too. Thanks for the treats!!

Soot I think you have sniffed up the weekend. lol Hope todays work flies so you can start the weekend.

No plans till taxi time but I will be taxied tonight. grin I hope. lol Took the night off at the fish fry. Maybe it will help me "kick this cold in the butt" duh

wave
Nan

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#868440 - 02/15/13 03:05 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13230
Loc: Palouse country
Having computer problems; may be an on again off again until I can get it in to the shop sometime next week. Think it needs a new fan.

May it be a good start to the weekend for all.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#868445 - 02/15/13 03:39 PM Re: TGIF [Re: 3dobermans]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9714
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
The weekend is here Boomers. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#868453 - 02/15/13 04:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13800
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well I am off for the evening!! Have a wonderful rest of the day all!!!

Space enjoy the weekend!!

Trippy if I were closer I'd fix it up for ya!! Good luck and may it be something simple.

wave
Nan

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#868456 - 02/15/13 04:37 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42632
Loc: Alabama
Hi guys, Woke up feeling super ick so just layed very low. Course the bad thing about lying low is you can see all dust..ahem...dog hair bunnies lying around. I decided I was human, so Fantastic Friday ya'll wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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