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#869757 - 02/21/13 07:35 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stuck On The Island


An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief he asks her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But-but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place, " she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck.

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end, inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses.

"What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias.

She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know... " She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck: "You mean...", he gasps, "...I can actually check my e-mail from here??"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rough Day Ahead
Signs you can tell it will be a rough day ahead...



You wake up face down on the pavement.

You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the interstate.

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Your income tax check bounces.

You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.

You send this to all your lists and put the wrong disclaimers on it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rejected Cereals

Cereal companies have been working hard to come up with new exciting breakfast cereals we can all shove down our pie holes in the morning, here are some of their less successful concepts that got rejected...


Toxic Waste Puffs

Beerios

Kevorkian Krispies

Honeymoon Nuts

Chernobyl Charms

Eboli-O's

Cap'n Crack

Kellogg's Ganja Puffs

Lucky Tabs O' Acid

Colostomy Crunch

Phil Graham Crackers

Fruit & Fabio

Look Again -- Them Ain't Raisins

Post-Modern Toasties and Rococo Puffs

Limbaugh Logs

Kellogg's "None of Your Dang Business"

Special AK47

UnaBran

Nut 'N' B--ch

CaCa Puffs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Good morning everyboomie. wave

It's the one we've been waiting for. penguin

Well when I say "we've" I don't mean we, as in "me too". duh

I'm not looking for Friday. I'm looking for Saturday. razz

Friday is in my way of getting to Saturday. rolleyes

Actually Friday & Saturday are in my way of getting to Sunday. duh

I wish I knew how to get through them sooner, but I can tell you with certainty that sitting in your car and laying on the horn will NOT work. Don't even try. shame

When you're desperate you'll try just about anything.

It won't work though, and it annoys the heck out of other inhabitants of this dwelling.

You know, since I found out about that, I do it just for the fun of it now. evil

Have a happy day everybody.

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (02/21/13 07:39 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#869759 - 02/21/13 08:15 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol If anyone dares to come to my house and hit the horn to get someone in my houses's attention they are met with the wrath of a crazed woman and a lecture. It never happens again. grin

Any plans for the weekend, Joe?

I hope today is a really long day because I have a lot to do. I wish you all a happy Friday!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#869770 - 02/21/13 09:45 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9579
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Friday Joe and Ana. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#869790 - 02/22/13 12:59 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Your weekend is almost here SpaceQ! yay
It's snowing here, I'll try not to get it your way.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#869794 - 02/22/13 02:28 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7817
Loc: Greece
Have a great Friday Joe,Ana,SQF and all wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#869799 - 02/22/13 04:06 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Space,Haroula waveWe are suppose to get more snow on Sat.right thru to Sun eekWhere is Spring???Coffee is on I'll keep it hot,my new comp.didn't fix the problem with BF frown so I still can't play any games but Win8 is very nice and different,it will take some time getting used to it,Happy Friday everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#869805 - 02/22/13 05:40 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17314
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep smiling. grin Ana if you go slowly the day will seem longer. happydance SpaceQ enjoy your Friday. wave Haroula what are you up to today? smile Cailyn I hope you get your Big Fish connection working soon. sherlock Have a wonderful day everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#869808 - 02/22/13 06:02 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14681
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Today I have a split shift and the weather is gonna cooperate. It's the weekend I'm not sure of. I'll have to wait and see. Even the forecasters are having a hard time telling us what's gonna happen.

Morning Joe, Ana kissy, SQFan, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail when you come in, and all who follow me in the diner. I hope you all have a great Friday. Please don't forget to eercise. smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#869809 - 02/22/13 06:17 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5507
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#869815 - 02/22/13 07:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14567
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a wonderful day!

Ana, hope you accomplish all you need to get done today.

Space, how are you?

Haroula, good day to you.

Cailyn, ah, still no BF? Did you try contacting BF support? There must be a resonable explanation since you have a new computer and still not able to play games.

Gerry, have a great day!

Midgie, hope it's not too much snow. I'm tired of winter.

Venus, have a good work day.

Connie, wishing you a happy day when you come in.

To all.....good day! Got to get houswork done today. Been slacking off since there's school vacation all week. May take a trip to the Mall later. Snow storm due tonight into Sunday.
_________________________
Gail

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#869824 - 02/22/13 08:14 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8121
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day. I'll try to send some of our warm air to those in need. It thinkss it's summer here now. Erlier in the week it was feezing. To all here and all who follow, have a Super TGIF. Danish, French Toast, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#869837 - 02/22/13 10:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9403
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#869844 - 02/22/13 11:05 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning to all.

We ended up with 3 1/2 inches of snow. Today, it is supposed to get in to the 30's. Bill cleaned off pathways to the bird feeders and our front walkway. I have a load of laundry in the washer and one in the dryer. Two more loads to go. Will do a little housecleaning today as we have friends coming over for dinner tomorrow night. At least our roads will be clear. Kirkwood does a great job.

Susie said it took her and Vince an hour to get home. They had not touched highway 44. Vince will take her in for her biopsy today. It is a 12 noon. I'll really be thinking and praying for her.

I'll wish everyone a great day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#869845 - 02/22/13 11:09 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Bets, I am praying for Susie also. I shoveled my squirrel and bird food path this morning also. THey were all sitting in the trees waiting for me to get up. lol

Sue, that is certainly strange you would have that problem with BF. It must be from their end. Have you tried Glitches if they had any suggestions? Maybe you have a firewall that is blocking it?

I have to go to the corner now, but other chores are done. I'll come up for air occasionally.grin
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#869852 - 02/22/13 11:32 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13695
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe just hit the "fast forward" button!!! lol Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana good luck in the corner. Oh and thanks for sending it this way instead. lol But on the other hand......it will swirl back at you sometime today. lol Hope the project goes well and fast.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Aw Cailyn what a pain. Hope you can solve the trouble soonest. That is what roomie said when her new one came with Win8. She was ready to have it changed but finally figured things out and now she likes it. lol

Gerry have a lovely day!

Midge be safe if the snow comes your way! Have a lovely day!

venus may work fly and be over in no time at all.

Gail have fun with the house work. Did the cleaning fairy get lost in the storm??? lol

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!

Bets have fun with the laundry. Come to think of it.... think I should do some too.

Doc appointment went fine but she gave me some things for this head and chest cold. Hopefully that will do the trick.

No plans till taxi time, it it runs in the storm. Then fish fry!

wave
Nan

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