I can' sit for more than a minute without blowing my nose, so I can't get a diner posted from scratch. I've gotta rerun an oldie......again.
"Time is the scarcest resource and unless it is managed nothing else can be managed."
Peter F Drucker
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service". The florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A butcher goes for a haircut the next day and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber reples: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service". The butcher is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop and there is a thank you card and a package of steaks waiting at his door.
The next day a Fireman goes for a haircut and goes to pay the barber. The barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service".
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds at the door?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Fireman....
....two dozen other Firemen waiting for free haircuts!
Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on getting older, lack of sleep, weekend projects, stale office air, poor nutrition, carrying a couple of extra pounds, raising a family, recent ailments, and a dozen other reasons that make you wonder why life is getting tough.
But now I found out what’s really happening! I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of the USA reached 300 million last October. 79 million of the population are retired. That leaves 221 million to do the work. There are 19 million toddlers and 76 million students in schools, which leaves 126 million to do the work. Of that total, 21 million are unemployed leaving 105 million to do the work.
Then you take away 34 million in hospitals and that leaves 71 million to do the work. 43 million are in prisons and that’s 28 million left to do the work. Now take away 14,683,468 federal, 5,344,722 state and 5,370,743 city workers who run our government and you’re left with 2,601,067 to do the work. Take away the 2,601,065 people in the armed forces and that leaves just two people to do the work - You and Me!
And you’re just sitting there reading this! No wonder I’m tired!!!
You know you're a teacher if:
You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
You want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"
Good morning everyboomie.....I think.
I've been time traveling again.
Yes I know it sounds glamerous, but it's pretty confusing at...........................times.
I went from today to the day after yesterday, back to today, and then to the day before tomorrow and back, and I found out some profoundly interesting things that I think would have raised even Albert Einstein's bushy eyebrows.
I found out that no matter how far you travel ahead or backwards in time, it still feels just like today when you get there.
Also, when I traveled to the day after yesterday I didn't even feel a day older. Convolutedly, when I traveled back to the day before tomorrow I didn't feel any younger, and what's worse is that my Mom didn't even look any younger!
The scariest thing of all is that when I set my machine to go to the day before tomorrow, I found I was already there before I even got in the machine.
OMG!!! I don't even need a time machine anymore to time travel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my body has absorbed too many gamma rays.
Tomorrow I'm going to travel back to the day before tomorrow and see what really happened on that day in history.
Maybe I can stop something terrible from happening, like being scheduled to work today from 1:00 to 10:00.
If I'm successful I may have to cut this short and leave now.
I'm just afraid that I may find that Einstein was not as smart as everybody knew he was, and if that's the case, then I'm most likely not even that smart.
One thing I do know for sure is that no matter where you go, there you are.
Have a happy day everyone, because the day after yesterday only comes.....................well it comes pretty often actually.
That's alright, have a happy day anyway.