He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Here's a little clarification of typical vacant job listing lingo...
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.
SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:
...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear ear rings.
JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy or English.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and then do it.
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.
FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.
FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us!
FLORIDA: Once is never enough!
FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes!
FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.
FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.
FLORIDA: Don't count on us!
FLORIDA: Home of the edible chad.
FLORIDA: Bumbling better than ever!
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards.
Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines.
I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
Tally Ho everyboomie.
Another day, another leg cramp.
Another day, another restless bladder.
Another day, another 24 hours.
Thank God they're only 24 hours long.
Did you ever hear someone say, "If there were only more hours in a day, I could get more done?"
You can bet your sweet fanny none of them will ever be invited to join Procrastinators of the World United.
Not only because of their gung ho "git 'er done" attitudes, but also because we're about 50 years behind in sending invitations out.
It'll be a 6:00am to 3:00pm work day for me today.
Unfortunately I can't put it off. My Boss is one of "those" people so.....
Have a happy day everyone.
If not today then tomorrow.