My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)
These epitaphs are reported to be from actual tombstones...
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
For not rising.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Than he could pay.
Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
We've all at one time or another given our best try at tongue twisters, have a look through this funny list and see how you do...
Randy wondered why Willie really wasn't well.
Sam saw six shiny silver spoons.
Giddy gophers greedily gobble gooey goodies.
Slippery slimy snakes slide slowly.
Six shiny snails sighed sadly.
Pretty Patty Piggy pickles plump pink peppers.
Cheryl say Cher's sheer shawl Sunday.
Six seals slick sick seals.
How much dope could the dope dealer deal if the dope dealer could deal dope?
Sheep shouldn't sleep in shacks.
I slitted a sheet, a sheet i slit now i sit on the sheet i slit.
I wish I had an Irish wrist watch to watch on my Irish wrist.
Stick a sticker where its sticky where a sticker once was stuck.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore
Sure, the ship's ship-shape sir!
Does the wristwatch shop shut soon?
Try saying these 10 times fast...
Caution Golfers Crossing
Sun Shine City
Unique New York
Red Leather, Yellow Leather
Good morning city boomies, country boomies, everyboomie.
Come one come all. The coffee's ready to sip or chug y'all.
Take it with cream or sugar or black as night.
Take it with an IV or with a straw. Either way is alright.
Leaded, unleaded, or super charged. Mented, whipped, or on the rocks.
Enjoy it barefoot or wearing socks.
One of the best things for breakfast you know, is a great tasting, sweet smelling, cup-o-joe.
OH and......Have a happy day, ok?
It'll be a 3:30 wake up for me, so I'm off to bed to saw some Zs.