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#873102 - 03/11/13 12:57 AM Monday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30113
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How's Your Job?

You could only find jokes more cheesy than these if you worked at a cheese factory...


Q. How's your job at the clock company?
A. Only time will tell.

Q. How's your job at the banana company?
A. I keep slipping up.

Q. How's your job on the new highway?
A. I'm so busy I don't know which way to turn.

Q. How's your job at the travel agency?
A. I'm going nowhere.

Q. How's your job at the swivel chair company?
A. It makes my head spin!

Q. How's your job at the lemon juice company?
A. I've had bitter jobs.

Q. How's your job at the pie company?
A. It didn't pan out.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?
A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball company?
A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book company?
A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job at the clock company?
A. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Q. How's your job on the farm?
A. Problems keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?
A. Hanging on by a thread.

Q. How's your job at the eye glasses clinic?
A. I have clear job objectives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

How Cold Is It?

Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...


60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Church Bloopers

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...


Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs... Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Time to get another work week rolling, and there is no better way to do that than with two days off. dance

I believe I'll recommend that every work week start this way. thumbsup

They're always so eager to hear my recommendations. rotfl

I imagine they're holding their breath at this very moment. snicker

Not a good thing at all when I'm off for two whole days. razz

We'll see who cheated and took a breath when I go back to work. evil

In the mean time, let the festivities begin.

Have a happy day everyone. urock

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#873110 - 03/11/13 03:44 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7992
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers wave
Joe,enjoy your days off smile
Have all a happy Monday happydance
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#873117 - 03/11/13 04:32 AM Re: Monday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6077
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula waveCoffee is ready with some cr.donut holes,bl.berry muffins.Getting ready for the gym enjoy the day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#873118 - 03/11/13 04:50 AM Re: Monday's [Re: cailyn]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and everyboomie who comes in after me

Joe: is it Mum-is-coming-home-day for you? I hope it so much! Have a wonderful 2-days-off-time!

Haroula: happy Monday to you too. How's the weather in Greece?

Cailyn: Happy Gym-time for you and thanks for the sweets in the corner.

I'am adding some cinnamon coffee to the corner. Do we like having a group breakfast?

thumbsup yes

Happy Monday!!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#873126 - 03/11/13 06:00 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17492
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and Gimli. Joe are you going "head hunting" on your time off? Haroula wishing you a sunny day. Cailyn don't work out to hard. Gimli group breakfast works for me. Happy Day wished for everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#873129 - 03/11/13 06:14 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5626
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#873130 - 03/11/13 06:25 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17492
Loc: Marlborough USA
Hi venus! You are off and running already! monky Have a great day! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#873136 - 03/11/13 06:46 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14706
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Yay for you! Enjoy your time off.

Haroula, have a great day!

Cailyn, enjoy the gym.

Evelyne, I love a group breakfast.

Gerry, happy day wished for you also.

Venus, enjoy your work.

Warmer weather here. Maybe we can say goodbye to some of the snow. Wishing everyone a wonderful start to the week. Be back later.
_________________________
Gail

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#873143 - 03/11/13 07:44 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8165
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I'll add some Honey Buns and Hot Chcolate to the group breakfast. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the new week. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#873164 - 03/11/13 09:59 AM Re: Monday's [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9446
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Mum is doing well! Enjoy your time off!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#873168 - 03/11/13 10:13 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13756
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe I hope your mom may come home today! Enjoy the two days off and hope you have some fun plans for it! Thanks for the laughs!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Evelyne HUGS to you!! Keeping you and family in my thoughts and prayers. Have a lovely day!

Cailyn have fun at the gym and thanks for getting the coffee started! Have a nice day!

Gerry have a nice day. Is the snow melting??

venus happy working!!!

Gail hope the sun comes out and the temps rise so the snow melts!! I'm hoping that here too. lol Have a lovely day. HUGS!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the breakfast treats!!

Darlene may everything go smoothly today!

Ana hope the project is moving right along for you!!

No plans here yet!

wave
Nan

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#873172 - 03/11/13 11:01 AM Re: Monday's [Re: auntiegram]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30113
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

Mom won't be coming home today. The Dr said tomorrow. He wants another day to get her strength back up. yes

It's sunny here but chilly. I want to go head hunt, but I'll wait till it warms up a bit more. yes

Hope you're all having a good morning. rah Rah Rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#873175 - 03/11/13 11:15 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you need to come here for some head hunting. The creeks are flowing like Niagara falls.

Good morning Boomies! I am spending the day in the corner but come nightime I am whipping out my dancing shoes and heading out for Salsa Funk! This girl needs to dance away the blues and rejuvenate my mental health as well as get some blood moving.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#873182 - 03/11/13 11:36 AM Re: Monday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30113
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
On my way Ana. wink

Hope you get a break today. Do you still have snow everywhere? kissy

Salsa Funk huh? Have fun. happydance

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#873184 - 03/11/13 11:39 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42527
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

We are having a grey and rainy day, but not too cold. In fact, we had to run the whole house fan last night in order for it to be cool enough to sleep.

I'm reading Towers of Midnight..next to the last book of the Wheel of Time series. Darn but I need to just sit and read this one and the final one so I stop reading "just one more chapter" until the very wee hours of the morning.

Son is sleeping for work tonight, hubby is a work, and the house is semi-quiet. Gotta love it for however long it lasts. puppy

Edit: If you are a Google doodle fan, or a Douglas Adams fan, go play with todays' doodle. wave


Edited by looney4labs (03/11/13 11:44 AM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#873218 - 03/11/13 07:02 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Off to dance! woot
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#873233 - 03/11/13 09:01 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42527
Loc: Alabama
Have fun!
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#873238 - 03/11/13 09:27 PM Re: Monday's [Re: looney4labs]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30113
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hey everybody. wave

I had a real good day. Went hunting with Baby. It was a nice day. Nice and sunny. bravo

Tomorrow morning I go up and get Mom and bring her home. bravo

I hope you're all having a great day. yay

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#873240 - 03/11/13 09:54 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13218
Loc: Palouse country
Had some great sunny days so been very much involved in yard work. Now rain is predicted.

Hope all have a relaxing eve.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#873243 - 03/11/13 10:10 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I am so glad you are picking up mom tomorrow. hearts


L4L, house still quiet?

Trippy, is your computer all better now?

Dance was awesome and I stopped at Target afterwards to get my migraine meds and now it's back to work. It was a great break! yay
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#873245 - 03/11/13 10:13 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Just a late hello Boomies!! Hi Ana, glad you could get out for awhile!!! Glad your Mum is doing better, Joe. Just been off in OzzzLand, I guess, have a bit of cabin fever/spring fever combined. Been doing some Spring cleaning and outdoor chores too. Have a great evening everyone and Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#873257 - 03/11/13 11:51 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13756
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ana glad you had a great time at dance tonight. Hope it has helped ya. How's the toe??

Joe glad mom comes home tomorrow!!

Lotus have fun with the Spring stuff!!

L4l hope you enjoyed peace and quiet the rest of the day!!

I am going to head for my pillow. Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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#873258 - 03/11/13 11:51 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42527
Loc: Alabama
Happy Evening to you all. Hubby and I had a nice dinner. Then did some dailies in WoW and now off to bed and a book. Sleep well all sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#873260 - 03/11/13 11:54 PM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, it aches sometimes but I believe it's healed. I am still very careful. Sweet dreams to you!

Lotus, spring is in the air...

L4L, it sounds like you had a great evening.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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