"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."
A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.
After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replies, "Boobs."
Good morning everyboomie.
I have a surprise for you.
IT'S THE "T" WORD!!!!!
Happy Tuesday everybody!
Any more excitement and I'll be in the chiropractors office all day.
What, you thought it was TGIF?
Sorry if I got your hopes up.
I'll never do it again, I promise.
Well I'm out of smileys, which is like being out of punctuation to me, so I may as well close with my usual.
Have a happy day everyone.