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#873887 - 03/14/13 08:43 PM Friday....Thank God
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29785
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to flexible at all times.
Everett Mckinley Dirkson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, "Are you nuts? You're almost 74 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her.

She fainted!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Investment Terms

Here are some definitions of investment terms typically used...


STOCK - A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND - What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER - The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions who leaves you broker than before you went to him.

BEAR - What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL - What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN - Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION - A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Ha ha ha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION - The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK - What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Investment Guide

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker: the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with an investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria - if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.

7. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds' I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Achieving More
The next time someone tells you that they want you to give 100% - do one better and give 103%! Here's how.....

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. Here's to achieving 103%. Here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future!

If...

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26


Then...

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only



But...

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %



However...

B U L L S - - -

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!! penguin

I GET OFF AT 1:00!! woot

I HAVE TO GO TO BED BEFORE DARK!!! hardwall

If you can't go to sleep, I've found that beating your head against a brick wall really helps put me out, but the throbbing head keeps waking me back up. DON"T DO IT!! shame

Nytol works. thumbsup

I take a fist full of extra strength Nytol, with a few shots of tequila. yes

Works every time. taz

I always have to strap myself to the bed though, to keep from falling off. crazy





yep






Ok then.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (03/14/13 08:46 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#873894 - 03/14/13 09:21 PM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a terrific Friday Joe and all who come in after me. wave

It's late Thursday night for me. This cold has hit me at full force, so I'm posting now just in case I'm feeling incapacitated in the morning. lol I'll have to work, but at least it's a short day, since I took my longer days earlier in the week. Good thing I had the foresight; it's almost as if I knew. lol

Okay, headed off to bed early tonight, so wishing everyone a great Friday now. Have a terrific day, everyone. cat

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#873897 - 03/14/13 10:13 PM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14467
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Joe and venus. I have an early work shift in the morning so I thought I'd say good night and see you on the flip side.

Midgisleep hearts


Edited by Midge (03/15/13 05:43 AM)
_________________________
Just do it.

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#873903 - 03/14/13 11:32 PM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63361
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
If today is anything like yesterday I am going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head and not coming out. lol

Have a happy day everyone! hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#873907 - 03/15/13 12:14 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7295
Loc: the dusty desert
joe , glad your day will be a short one, thanks for the coffee !

hope you feel better soon , venus.

midgie ,don't work too hard ,see you later.

ana , i'm with you - working on a deadline ,so got up early hoping to make some progress - of course as soon as i got rolling , half the world called or showed up at the door. so i just got halfway through 5 minutes ago - jeesh !and now i find out the barbecue on sat. is a birthday party ,too ! arrgghhhh ! crazy

well , today's the day mom tries to walk to the fish fry- hope we get there at a good time and can find a place to sit.

to everyone coming in later ,please have a wonderful day! wave

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#873920 - 03/15/13 03:17 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6904
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Venus,Midgie,Ana,Niteowl and all wave
I wish you a very nice day dance
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#873921 - 03/15/13 03:42 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Niteowl,Midge,Venus,Haroula waveIt's cold here 23 degrees,so I'll get the coffee going wishing everyone a great day StPats
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#873925 - 03/15/13 05:56 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16310
Loc: Marlborough USA
dance Good Morning Joe, venus, Midgie, Ana, niteowl, Haroula, Cailyn and all on the way to the Diner. Hope you all enjoy your Friday! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#873929 - 03/15/13 06:07 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, niteowl. Have fun at the fish fry. thumbsup

Good morning to everyone else, and sorry I don't have time to say hi individually. wave It's work whoosh time once again. I feel oddly more well rested than usual yet also groggy, like I want to go back to bed. Stupid cold. lol

Oh, well, at least it's a short day. Have a terrific Friday, everyone. cat

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#873933 - 03/15/13 06:27 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you get a good night's sleep.

Midgie, see you in the morning.

Ana, maybe you can sleep in this morning.

Venus, enjoy your workday.

Niteowl, wishing you a stress free day.

Haroula, how is your weather? It's re3ally cold here.

Cailyn, coffee ready? I need it.

Gerry, have a great day.

Not happy having to go out this morning. It's cold out there. Looking forward to Spring but I don't think it's going to warm up too quickly. shiver
_________________________
Gail

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#873943 - 03/15/13 08:36 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's cold here this morning too, 37. penguin It will warm up as the day goes on. Venus, I hope your feeling better today. Ana, I hope your day is better than yesterday. To all here and all who follow, have a Super TGIF. Danish, Pancakes, Muffins, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. StPats
_________________________
Connie

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#873945 - 03/15/13 08:45 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 20591
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning everyone .. TGIF .. and yes, it would appear my computer is working again lol

I love technology when it's working. Well I am off to garden a bit and then it's off to work, so, live the day!

See you later .. whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#873956 - 03/15/13 09:59 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: soot]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9149
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! It's Friday!!! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Wine tasting tonight at our local winery. happydance

Phone chat with best bud tomorrow morning! yay

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#873971 - 03/15/13 11:02 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Boys will be here in a bit so I'm sitting and surfing and sipping and enjoying the quiet. I know the day will involve vacuuming and changing the dog covers on the furniture so the boys don't get all junky. Other than that, I have to think about food, and then we shall see. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#873978 - 03/15/13 11:54 AM Re: Friday....Thank God [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13274
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe may the day fly!! Thanks for thelaughs!!

Ana sorry yesterday wasn't any better then the day before. HUGS!! May today be a lovely day and all go smoothly!!

niteowl may today be better then yesterday and have fun at the fish fry!

venus may you feel better as the day goes by!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a nice walk!

Gail may it warm up so you can go out. We are at 27 and I think that is nice as long as the wind is calm. :lol;

Connie 37 eek That would be nice here for this time of the year. May it warm up nicely! Thanks for the danish!

Soot Happy Working!! Glad the PC is working again!!

L4l enjoy the peace while you can. Have fun with the chores!!

Darlene may work go smoothly!! Have fun at the "taster" tonight!!

No plans till taxi time.

wave
Nan

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