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#874097 - 03/15/13 10:49 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29934
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849), "Eleonora"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging Humor
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For Fast Relief".

THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

English Ain't Easy

So, you think English is easy, huh? Read to the end and see if you still think so.


1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this...

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night and lock it UP.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so... it is time to shut UP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I've been up for a really long time so I'ma gonna make-uh this short. happydance

WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND! penguin

Eat more funny food and laugh more. lol

It cheers you UP. grin

Have a happy day y'all. wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#874101 - 03/15/13 11:06 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7381
Loc: the dusty desert
great openers ,joe ! hope you have a wonderful day !

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#874105 - 03/15/13 11:25 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: niteowl07]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9392
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Enjoy your weekend everyone. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#874109 - 03/15/13 11:53 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64398
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, thanks for the chuckles and I hope you have a wonderful day. How is mom doing?

Niteowl, hope you have a wonderful day. I'd love to see your art. hearts

SpaceQ, any fun plans?

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#874120 - 03/16/13 01:00 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sleep well, Joe. wave

Have a terrific Saturday, niteowl.

Enjoy your weekend, too, Space Quest.

Hope you have a great day, Ana.

It's very late Friday night for me. The cold knocked me out this afternoon, even though I got plenty of sleep the night before, and now I'm up at 1 am. lol This is going to wreak havoc on my system, but oh well. At least I'm off tomorrow. grin

As for now, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow, I'll find a game to play. grin

Have a great Saturday, everyone. cat

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#874122 - 03/16/13 01:02 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64398
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I hope you feel better Venus!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#874125 - 03/16/13 03:40 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5998
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Venus,Niteowl,Space and all who follow waveI'll be making my cornbeef and cabbage today,instead of tomorrow StPatsRight now I have the coffee ready with some Irish bread toasted with lots of butter!Have a great day everyone leprechaun
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#874129 - 03/16/13 04:03 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7444
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Venus,Niteowl,Space,Sue and all
wave
Have all a great day smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#874134 - 03/16/13 05:06 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16830
Loc: Marlborough USA
StPats Good Morning Joe, niteowl, SpaceQ, Ana, venus Cailyn, Haroula and all on the way to Joe's. Hope all is well with everyone. Cailyn I'm making corn beef and cabbage today too. StPats
_________________________
Gerry

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#874137 - 03/16/13 05:11 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5998
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Enjoy your dinner Gerry StPats I know I will leprechaun
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#874139 - 03/16/13 05:19 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16830
Loc: Marlborough USA
You to cailyn. I love corn beef! StPats
_________________________
Gerry

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#874141 - 03/16/13 06:04 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14562
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have another split shift today. Bit chilly. I can't wait for spring.

Please send a few prayers for my BIL Bill. He's going through aggressive chemo to kill the cancerous masses in his abdomen. I talked with him a couple of days ago. He said he had a bad reaction to the chemo this time. They're gonna stretch his treatment out for three days. I feel so bad for him. I know the power of GB prayers. He needs a miracle and this is the place to ask for one. Thanks everyone.

I hope you all have a great Saturday. Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#874142 - 03/16/13 06:49 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14196
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Loved the oopeners this morning,.

Niteowl, Space, Ana, Venus sweet dreams. See you in the morning.

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Haroula, happy day to you!

Gerry, have a great day!

Midgie, Ahh, special prayers out to Bill. I can relate to what he's going through and it's very hard. Miracles still happen. Hangin there. hearts

Free day today. Think the girls and I will go out shopping.
_________________________
Gail

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#874148 - 03/16/13 08:19 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7967
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morningt everyone. Midge, prayers for your BIL are on the way. Ana, I hope your day is better today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. I will be working in the greenhouse today and hubby will be repainting statues. Danish, Omelets, and Hot Chcolate in the NC. leprechaun
_________________________
Connie

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#874166 - 03/16/13 10:01 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21093
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Wow, as usual the NC is stocked with goodies woot

Good morning Joe Ana NiteOwl SQF Venus Cailyn Haroula Gerry Gail and the rest of you when you're up and at em

Will definitely add your BIL to our prayers Midge

I'm on a two-day-in-a-row streak with computer working so will leave it be and complete heavy maintenance at a later date smashpc

It's time for weekend activities with L4L and the gang

Have a great day everyone wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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