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#874954 - 03/19/13 11:16 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29792
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Punography

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Letters
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

* * * * * * * * * *

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your a-- and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Hump Day huh? think

I think I rolled down hill to get to Wednesday, and it's all up hill from here with 4 closers. shocked

If I make it till Sunday I'm gonna run around the pasture naked and give those two old cows something to moo about. taz

Ok I won't be naked. lol

I'll be wearing socks. thumbsup

Well..........one sock. dance

Have a happy day everyone. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#874955 - 03/19/13 11:44 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63411
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Have a wonderful day Joe and all. I'll be in the corner all day so please bring snacks and coffee. lol
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#874967 - 03/20/13 02:26 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6932
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all wave
Have all a nice day happydance
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#874971 - 03/20/13 04:31 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5956
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula wave There's plenty of coffee in the corner Ana,hope your not in there for to long. Enjoy your day everyone bunny
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#874975 - 03/20/13 05:02 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16337
Loc: Marlborough USA
bunny Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hopeyour day is better then it sounds! Ana don't work to hard. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Happy Day All! bunny
_________________________
Gerry

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#874985 - 03/20/13 06:38 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13771
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday flies by today.

Ana, wishing you good luck in the corner today.

Haroula, happy day!

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, have a good one.

Midgie, how is Bill doing?

Got to run, be back later. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#874995 - 03/20/13 07:45 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Leeana Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 04/22/01
Posts: 4044
Loc: New York
Good Morning to all !!!! and Thank You Joe You make my mornings more ...sunnier Thank You smile


Edited by Leeana (03/20/13 07:45 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
'Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'

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#875000 - 03/20/13 08:07 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7814
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning all my diner buddies, if it doesn't rain today I'll do some yard work. Hubby is doing good, and says Hi to everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, Assorted Muffins, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. chocobunny
_________________________
Connie

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#875013 - 03/20/13 09:58 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9156
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a super Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#875018 - 03/20/13 10:30 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41505
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I woke up at 3:30 coughing and couldn't stop so I got up, grabbed a hot hot cup of tea, and came downstairs so I wouldn't wake up Soot. I tea'd and coffee'd til around 8 when the coughing stopped. So I went back to bed. Now I'm up again.

Tis cooler out there. I think someone bandies around the number 32 for tonight. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#875021 - 03/20/13 10:40 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63411
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I worked until 2am, went to bed and as soon as I fell asleep Shadow decided he did not feel well and needed to go out. Tried to sleep again at about 3am, and Shadow needed to go out again at 5:30. Then tried again at 6am and woke with a headache at 7am. This is going to be a very long day.....

It was 9 degrees a little while ago with minus 4 windchill. If anyone finds Spring please blow it this way!

Have a happy day!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#875023 - 03/20/13 11:07 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11288
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning friends.

Spring? What's that? Our forcast for the next week is yucky. Think I will just stay in where it is warm.

Gotta go do my treadmill. Back later.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#875028 - 03/20/13 11:52 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13285
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well since Spring is coming in like a Lion I surely hope it goes out like a Lamb. lol In the minus numbers this morning and that wind makes it soooo cold feeling. What ever happened to Spring? Just who is hiding it???

Joe I'm sure you will make it through the next four with flying colors!! May work fly and go well. Thanks for the laughs.

Aw Ana I hate when that happens! Especially here cause I can't just open the door anymore and just let Sassy out, I have to take her. lol HUGS!

Oh I just might be able to talk my neice into heading that way cause she said she loves it there. lol We were going to do the 5k "The Color Run" together. Maybe we can do it there nest year.

Hope the head is feeling better. HUGS!! I'll keep the corner stocked for ya. Hope the project moves right along for ya!!

Haroula have a lovely first day of Spring!!!

Cailyn and Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail don't run too fast. lol Have a lovely day what ever you do. Happy Gaming!!

Connie glad hubby is feeling good. HI back at him!! thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Leeana Have a lovely day!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!! Have a lovely day!

Bets stay warm and happy gaming!!

L4l I pray that the coughing goes really soonest and you are feeling better. HUGS!!

No plans but to stay warm till taxi time!!

wave
Nan

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#875036 - 03/20/13 12:14 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6790
Loc: San Diego, CA
A lovely day here. Starting to be true Spring weather. Birds are singing, unfortunately ALL night. Ugh. Mocking birds are loud and unrelenting. Crows are stealing dead sticks from my trees to make nests. Ahhh the joys of Spring.

AND good news about our Seal Pool. After those girls were harassing the seals and were spotted due to the new Seal Cam, the Mayor just instituted a dusk to dawn ban on anyone going on the beach there until after the pupping season which ends April 15. This will protect the mommy and baby seals. I'm so thrilled with that mandate. Of course the protesters are angry, but those mommy seals shouldn't be hit and kicked by some stupid humans. Yesterday, there was a mommy seal who gave birth in the afternoon, and the camera guy zeroed in, up close and personal and I got to see the entire thing. Wow. He stayed on her and baby for a long time while mom got the baby to eat and fended off the seagulls who love to snatch the 'byproducts' of the birth. What a glorious scene.

Hand is swollen. Strange, because it's my right hand and it's my Left hand that got hit by that shopping cart. So weird. Have no idea what I might have done to the swollen hand. Gotta think back and see if maybe I strained or hit it and forgot. Today's project. rotfl
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#875052 - 03/20/13 01:25 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9094
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good day everyone. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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