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#879281 - 04/08/13 01:06 AM Monday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29787
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morons Of The Year
Presenting the top morons of the year...

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from own his bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked at the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power was applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.

He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Athelete Quotes
Here are some quotes from famous atheletes that most likely explain why they can't seem to get regular jobs...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: " I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl." Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height. "And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too [blip] ugly to kiss good-bye."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's a brand new day. Woo Hoo! yay

Have you ever seen anything that was brand old??

Anyway, time marches on. thumbsup


Time waits for no man.


There's no time like the present. rolleyes


If you've got the time, we've got the beer. dance


Hey is it five o'clock yet?? duh


I'll just bet it's 5 o'clock somewhere. snicker


I don't know why but it sure seems like a Saturday to me.

Oh Yeah. It's because I'm off for the next TWO WHOLE DAYS!!! chocobunny

I hope you all have a happy day.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (04/08/13 01:12 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#879282 - 04/08/13 02:40 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6912
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a nice day wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#879285 - 04/08/13 03:06 AM Re: Monday's [Re: Haroula]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2309
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Joe, Haroula and everybody coming in after me wave

Ana and Nan: thank you for asking about my Mum kissy She is, according to her Doctor, escaping all the loneliness and loss after Dad's death, into an amnesia. She often don't remember what was yesterday. She did a shrine for my Dad on the table and is asking him a hundred times a day to come get her too. I hope it's only until after the funeral. We had to wait with the urn burial till my niece came back from her honeymoon (only yesterday), because she begged us to wait for her. Urn burial will now be tomorrow Tuesday. We three children go to Mum's by turns, so that she has company every day. But she is so unconsolably sad.... We had to organise funeral ceremony and all the 1000 odds and ends after a Death all by ourselves. My Mum was sitting at the table, weeping. It's strange isn't it! It wasn't the best marriage, and we children suffered for umphteen years mediating between them two. And now this completely breakdown of my Mum's. I appreciate your prayers my friends! We aren't at the end of the tunnel yet.

I try to come more regularly to the Diner. Funeral tomorrow will be a hard day for all of us, but after that we must look forward again.

Happy day to you all! Smooches!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#879297 - 04/08/13 04:42 AM Re: Monday's [Re: Gimli]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Evelyne waveCoffee is ready!It's a little nicer this morning 47 degrees chocobunnyEvelyne my continued prayers for your Mum and family hearts have a great day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#879305 - 04/08/13 05:38 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Evelyne and Cailyn. Joe have a nice "weekend" off. yes Haroula enjoy your day. smile Cailyn it's cold here too this morning. shiver Evelyne so sorry for all you are going thru. Hugs and prayers. catrub Take Care.
_________________________
Gerry

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#879313 - 04/08/13 06:11 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#879314 - 04/08/13 06:15 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning venus! Have a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#879319 - 04/08/13 06:56 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7812
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Evelyn, prayers for strength and comfort are on the way to your mum, you, and your family. Lots of hugs too. hearts A walmart trip is on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, and Muffins in the NC. I'm trying to send some of our warm weather to all who need it. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#879327 - 04/08/13 07:23 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13765
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy your time off!

Haroula, good morning.

Evelyne, hugs. Prayers out your way for you and your Mom.

Cailyn, yay on the coffee and the milder weather on the way.

Gerry, have a good day!

Venus, good day at work is wished.

Connie, thanks for the Danish. Have a good time at Wal Mart.

Routine morning then a nice dog walking. Good day to All!
_________________________
Gail

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#879362 - 04/08/13 09:41 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 20603
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Woo Woo Woo .. enjoy your Days Off Joe thumbsup

I'm doing the same today and it is goodness as I get to enjoy Connie's Danish and Muffins!! It just doesn't get much better than this .. I'm off to surf, sip, garden and listen to my whale music

penguin

Have a wonderful Moanday everyone wave

(hearts L4L)
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#879379 - 04/08/13 10:05 AM Re: Monday's [Re: soot]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9153
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your time off! Woohoo! rah

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#879391 - 04/08/13 10:31 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Evelyn, prayers and condolences to you and your family.

Yesterday it got to 80 degrees here. Upper 70's for today. We did get .6 inch of rain yesterday evening and rain is predicted off and on through Thursday.

Have a good day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#879395 - 04/08/13 10:45 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

I was having such a bad dream when Soot very kindly woke me up. Hate dreams like that. Now I'm up sitting and sipping and contemplating getting the monkeys to the park.

Evelyne, big big hugs to you and your family. It's never easy. I hope you all will be able to keep your mom engaged. Is she involved in something that will keep her from isolating herself? She is blessed to have you guys around her.

Hubby and I watched the Hobbit last night...still love it. Then we tried to get an WoW achieve but I think there was a glitch.

wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#879411 - 04/08/13 11:21 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6778
Loc: San Diego, CA
Evelyne, my dad was a minister for many years and did countless bereavement counselings and funerals. I was always there playing the organ or just attending with him and mom. The funeral ceremony itself seems to have always been the 'final' goodbye and the start of healing for everyone. It's a necessary part of the process. I'm praying and am sure that your mum will begin to heal after the final goodbye is said. Much love to all and hugs.

Dreary and spitting rain today. Windy too and cold. Just after I opened all my windows again thinking Spring was here and warm weather was in sight. Ugh. Going to put on a jacket and tough it out.

Outdoorsies are hunkering in their tents because it's nasty out. You know it's bad when the hungry ferals won't come out for breakfast!

Off to check on the burgled house. Hope it's intact. Will report on my Sorta's Neighborhood string.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#879427 - 04/08/13 11:48 AM Re: Monday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Oh my goodness, I just had the funnniest senior moment. Sitting here sipping and looked at hubby and said, "When we are finished sitting and sipping, you want to take the monkeys and head out to Bodcau?"

KISA looked at me with a blank look and said, "What?"

At which I realized I had said "Bodcau", which is where we used to camp in the 1980's. Ooooops confused
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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