I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.
"Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag"
The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick.
He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!"
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head.
Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..."
A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.'
Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.
"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot''s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean''s mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin'' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.'
Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you hengliding..."
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "Thank you! That's sweet, doc, but what is causing the pain in my side?."
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to lazy Sunday.
Sunday is so lazy I haven't even gotten to it yet and I can't stay awake.
If I'm lucky I'm getting one sentence done every 10 minutes.
At that rate I'll finish Sunday's diner by 6pm Sunday.
Ok....ready or not, here it comes.
Have a happy day everyone.