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#881490 - 04/16/13 11:39 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29997
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.
Homer Simpson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly
swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping
on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.

As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.
If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would
sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
All the blondes applauded.

rolleyes Yeah yeah yeah, I think I've seen that movie before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"About 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I spent most of the day yesterday painting. slapforehead

I am truly tired now.... think....last night.

The heat is already getting to me, my sinuses, and throat are suffering.

It's going to be a long day. I have to take Josh to Dallas tonight to catch a flight home. frown

Anyway it's a two hour trip, one way. razz

It's supposed to be a stormy day today so we'll see how that affects the drive. yes

Well........ think I hope you found the jokes funny. lol

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Evie that's a long story. I'll tell ya about it when you have about 55 years to kill.
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#881504 - 04/17/13 02:44 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6034
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,and all who arrive later wave Yesterday I got up the temp was 30, it's now 55 quite a difference.Maybe spring will peek it's head in on us!A large pot of coffee is brewing have a great day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#881507 - 04/17/13 02:48 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7617
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Sue and all who come in later wave
Have all a happy day. spring
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#881521 - 04/17/13 05:54 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17054
Loc: Marlborough USA
bunny Good morning Joe, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe have a safe trip to Dallas. Cailyn coffee is great! Thanks. Haroula enjoy your day. A peaceful Day wished for all! bunny
_________________________
Gerry

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#881545 - 04/17/13 07:49 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8039
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Omelets, and Waffles in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#881553 - 04/17/13 08:28 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14359
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a super day!

Cailyn, Coffee is early this morning. Thanks.

Haroula, happy day wished for you.

Gerry, good morning.

Connie, enjoy whatever you decide to do today.

Beautiful day here today. Dog walking this morning then sitting outside reading and enjoying the weather this afternoon.
_________________________
Gail

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#881567 - 04/17/13 10:01 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9342
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a safe drive to Dallas and a very happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#881577 - 04/17/13 11:16 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13606
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ho Ho Joe!! Hope the rain is over or holds off till you have gone to Dallas and back! Enjoy the remainder of your visit with son! Thanks for the laughs!!

Haroula have a lovely kday!

Cailyn glad it is warmer there now, enjoy! Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a nice walk and a nice day!

Connie have fun whatever you find to do. Are the computers back and working good??? Thanks for the danish!

Gail have a nice walk with the dogs. Me and Sassy did a mile plus this morning early as we are under a winter storm watch and it is kind of knocking at our door already. Have a lovely day!

Darlene may everything go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Ana hope the corner is being kind to you!!

Not sure what's up for today but I have been informed that the taxi is not running tonight. That's OK as it is my daughters birthday today. Must find something to do. Most of the plans are for the weekend though.

Have a wonderful day all!

wave
Nan

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#881587 - 04/17/13 11:57 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42215
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Some of you guys were up early early early eek

The doggies and I are just back from our ramble. I had to play drag-a-dog more than usual today. There were several folks cutting grass and trimming. The cut grass set off my asthma and the noise made the dogs a little skittish, but all in all, we did it. happydance

Now home to do the usual...laundry, books, dogs and to cut that watermelon I bought yesterday to see if it's any good.

Joe, hope the drive is uneventful.

wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#881604 - 04/17/13 02:01 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Happy Hump Day!!! Still pretty chilly here in the NW. Big clouds scurrying by but no moisture thus far. I am off to bake my fun cake. I will let you know how it goes, L4L. Hellos to all who come here today and Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#881605 - 04/17/13 02:08 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Happy Birthday flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11387
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Hiya everyone.

We are under a tornado watch till 10 tonight. Also flash floods for areas around us. Heavy rains with hail. Yuck. Hope we don't get them.

Tomorrow night, we have to go to a visitation and service for a neighbor. Saw her last Sat. night and she was fine. Sunday afternoon, she killed herself. This is so tragic. She was only 53. It was a real shock to all the neighbors.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#881613 - 04/17/13 02:59 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13170
Loc: Palouse country
Yipes, woke to 20 degrees this morn. Now warming up nicely.

Bets, so sorry to hear about your friend.
Also, may you stay safe.

Almost warm enough to head out for some yard work so wish all a great day.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#881616 - 04/17/13 03:12 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42215
Loc: Alabama
Hope it is a tasty as it sounds Lotus, enjoy!

Bets, we'll be lifting you guys up. So sorry to hear about your neighbor.

Trippy, have fun in the yard and give the doggies a treat for me please. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#881618 - 04/17/13 03:15 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13606
Loc: northern Wisconsin
L4l grass cutting???? We can hardly see the grass let alone cut it. lol Hope the back is well after such a walk.

Lotus keep those storms and rain there please. lol Just kidding.

Oh my Bets. That had to be a shocker. eek Prayers for all involved for strength and understanding. HUGS! Be safe in the kstorms.

Trippy glad it is warmed up so you can get out and work in the yard.

Very cloudy and windy here but nothing falling from the sky yet. lol

wave
Nan

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#881627 - 04/17/13 03:55 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7184
Loc: San Diego, CA
Oh flutist, so sorry about the neighbor. It's always so sad when someone takes their own life, leaving everyone with questions that will never be answered. Been there. Prayers for all the neighbors and the families involved.

Went out shopping for a 'power station'. One of those battery jumper, tire inflator, DC 12 volt and AC port thingies for emergencies. I'm soooo confused now. My male friend says that generally I should look for one that weighs a lot. rotfl He may be right since the heavier they were, the more they cost and more stuff they did. I am still searching for something that will do AC/DC and jump a battery and charge stuff. Radio/compressor optional. Anyone recommended a good brand or model?
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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