I'm tired, send one of them home.
When told there were 10 men waiting to meet her in her dressing-room.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bummer.
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..."
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
I feel your pain… no one wants to run with me either.
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Ugly People,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
At least you get picked up...
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
- Timothy Walsh
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson
You're stuck between the Baby Boomers and Generations X'ers if...
1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat handle comb in the back pocket was cool.
2. In your class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.
3. You know by heart the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song (Just eat it, eat it, don't make me repeat it...)
4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"
5. Three words: ATARI, IntelliVision and Coleco, sound familiar.
6. You remember the premier of MTV, in fact, you remember the Friday Night Videos before the days of MTV.
7. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
8. While in high school, you and your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play Prince's "1999" until you passed out partying.
9. You remember when music that was labeled alternative, really was alternative. And when alternative comedy really was funny.
10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
11 You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: When I was younger...When I was your age...You know,back when...
13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language (Conjunction junction, what's your function....).
14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.
15. The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance came during either "Crazy for You" or "Leather and Lace".
16. You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made our old Big Wheel quite obsolete.
17. The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
18. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
19. You had a crush on either Ted the photographer on The Love Boat, Gage from Emergency or Ponch the motorcycle cop from CHiPs.
20. Your hair at some point in time in the 80's became something which can only be described by the phrase, "I was experimenting."
21. You've shopped at a Benetton.
Good morning everyboomie.
I'll be across the old Red River before many of you get to the diner this morning.
Anybody else care for an early morning swim?
I get to go down and experience why I don't want to live in a metro area ever again.
Just call me Anti-Metro Man.
BTDTBT--Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
100,000 years from now when they dig up my arrowheads (trash) they'll say these were most likely chipped by Anti-Metro Man.
Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm living is the life for me.
Did you know that when Albert Einstein died they took out his brain and examined it, and found that he had no neural degeneration whatsoever?
Basically his brain was still that of a kid.
I don't know what that means, but maybe there's still some hope for me.....
Most likely not.
Have a happy day everyone.