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#884396 - 04/30/13 01:43 AM Tuesday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32193
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Congratulations to American Astronaut Shannon Lucid, she now holds the American record for most time in space. Of course, the old record was held by Jerry Garcia."
- Spaceballs (Dark Helmet)

Jails and Nursing Homes

Here's the way it should be:

Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally
recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals:

They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised. They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000+ per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out. "Sounds like justice to me!"

(If You agree, pass this on!)

These little bits of wisdom never get old to me.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were not.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

think I probably posted those like two days ago didn't I?

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Forgetful joe here at........... think...... idea joe's diner.

Really......I had to read the title of this thread to be sure what day this is. headscratch

I'm sure that's because just 30 minutes ago it was a different day.

My days seem to run together now-a-days. crazy

More likely though "now-a-days" they walk together........ very slowly. lol

Help Mr Wizzard! I don't want to be an Okie anymore! help

Have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (04/30/13 01:46 AM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#884401 - 04/30/13 02:13 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers, wave
Have all a happy day happydance spring
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#884410 - 04/30/13 04:11 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who are to follow wave Coffee is ready!Enjoy your day everyone puppy
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#884414 - 04/30/13 05:43 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22792
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn.Joe hope you get to sleep in this morning. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn coffee sounds good. Wishing everyone a peaceful day! catrub

#884420 - 04/30/13 06:06 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10256
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A busy day today. A bank trip, then Sam's, lunch out, and to Mail and Pack to send a part for the pool salt system back for the 4th time. Sis will be here tomorrow afternoon. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Tuesday. Danish, Omelets, and Muffins in the NC. spring

#884424 - 04/30/13 06:15 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7732
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great Tuesday, everyone. spring
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#884426 - 04/30/13 06:22 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22792
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Connie and venus. Connie enjoy your visit with your sister tomorrow. Venus enjoy your day too. Catch you all later. wave

#884447 - 04/30/13 07:49 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the funnies.

Haroula, a happy day wished for you also.

Cailyn, I'm so ready for that coffee. woozy

Gerry, good day to you.

Connie, enjoy your sister visit. Hope your pool gets straightened out.

Venus, wishing you a good workday.

Dog walking this morning. Nothing planned for the rest of the day as yet. Good day wishes to all! catrub

#884462 - 04/30/13 08:41 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27726
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning gang laugh

Thanks Joe for officially starting the week (well, each day in fact) for us and we'll do our best to make the most of every day .. work, exercise, relaxing, gaming, drinking coffee, eating diner treats, listening to whale music, et cetera!

Have a wonderful day everyone wave

hearts L4L when you're up and at em


To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#884467 - 04/30/13 08:57 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: soot]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2315
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning friends kissy

Thanks Joe for the laugh!

Ana: shake your bootie eh?! If I would do that, my bootie would fall clean off... I admire your energy, girl¨!

Nan: congrats to yesterday's win. Yeeaaahhhh..

Connie: I wish you a wonderful day with sis tomorrow. Enjoy!

And I wish everyboomie a fantastic day with lots of sunshine and warmth and T-Shirt and shorts and..... Oooops, reality is more like shiver ah well....

I'am sending warm hugs instead!

"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

#884485 - 04/30/13 10:01 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: Gimli]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the Diner openers and hope your Tuesday is terrific!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#884496 - 04/30/13 10:45 AM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 9029
Loc: the dusty desert
joe , as usual ,thanks for the jokes and much needed coffee !

hope you all have a fantastic day today to start your week off right !

my day is gonna be a busy one with laundry ,and housecleaning ,some international mail to get out ,and i think it will be warm enough for shorts and a t-shirt again !

see you all later ,i hope !

#884521 - 04/30/13 12:16 PM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
It's collect RENT day for me, thank goodness. I had to roll coins to buy lunch yesterday. They frown on that at the restaurants. rotfl
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#884522 - 04/30/13 12:18 PM Re: Tuesday [Re: niteowl07]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2315
Loc: Switzerland
Hi Darlene and niteowl07 and Sorta and everybody coming after me. Still very rainy and very cold outside, so I will go down to the kitchen now to cook something good for hubby and me and then it's cuddly time with warm feet and warm tea... wink

Happy day and a wonderful evening!


Edited by Gimli (04/30/13 12:18 PM)
Edit Reason: Sorta sneaked in..
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

#884533 - 04/30/13 12:38 PM Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47571
Loc: Alabama
Terriffic Tuesday ya'll

If I type quickly I can still say Good Morning! Bopping out to walk doggies as soon as I inhale another cup of coffee. puppy
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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