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#884700 - 05/01/13 12:00 AM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30157
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
- David Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied..

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians...' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. urock

A two day weekend. Finally, finally FINALLY!! penguin

I'ma sooooo hoppy. chocobunny




I'm so happy I could.........................................think
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'ma sooooo hoppy. grin



I wonder what I'll do today.

Probably as little as possible, which rules out just about everything but breathing. razz


I hope your day is a breath of fresh air. yes

Have a happy day everyone. dance

I've gotta go put more band-aids on my bum. blush

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (05/01/13 12:02 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#884708 - 05/01/13 02:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8112
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,time to go,have all a nice day wave happydance
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#884711 - 05/01/13 03:25 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6096
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula waveJoe glad you got a 2 day weekend off rahThe campground is opened today which means the dogs are back on the leashes they won't be happy campers! puppyNan that sounds like some crazy weather headed your way eek Coffee is a brewing a happy day wished for all spring
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#884721 - 05/01/13 04:43 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: cailyn]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomers

Joe: I hope your 2 days off will go by soooooo slow that you will have time to sleep, eat, play games, go hiking with baby, go head hunting and so on (an endless list of happy things to do)!
Have fun!

Haroula: safe travels and have fun too

Sue: happy day and give the leashed dogs a hug

Ana: and a big bear hug to your sis from me please kissy

Niteowl: I'd love living in the desert! My zodiac sign is scorpion. Glad you can profit from neighbour's car to buy supplies for the new work area. Will we see pictures of the finished work area some day? happydance

Nan: Abbi-Roze is soooo cute!! yes

Here in Switzerland and also in Germany and Austria is a holiday today. 1st of May is always Labor-Day. I must work today just the same: have to do Mum's taxes before we drive to Italy. So pencil is behind my ear, eraser in my pocket, calculator on the desk... let's start with the fun... sleep...

See you later. Happy day to all of you.

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#884725 - 05/01/13 05:25 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17626
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and Gimli. Joe have fun today! dance Haroula what are you up to today? smile Cailyn your busy season is here already! woozy Wishing all a wonderful day! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#884742 - 05/01/13 06:36 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14786
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Yay for you. Enjoy your days off. Are you planning to head hunt today?

Haroula, happy day to you.

Cailyn, enjoy the camp opening I know the dogs won't.

Evelyne, happy holiday!

Gerry, good day to you.

Nice dog-walking morning here. Will sit out and do some reading this afternoon. Church tonight.

Happy May Day to all! spring
_________________________
Gail

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#884745 - 05/01/13 07:15 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8201
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Sis will be here later this afternoon. She will probably stay until Saturday. Ana, hugs for your sis. Nan, your great granddaughter is a real cutie. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast and Muffins in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#884766 - 05/01/13 08:39 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21511
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe Haroula Sue Evelyne Gerry Gail Connie and the rest of the Diner Gang when you are up and at em for Wednesday

Joe, whatever you do today .. have fun

Connie, have a great day with your sister

Have a great walk Gail .. I enjoy my walks with L4L and our dogs on the weekends

Enjoy the day Gerry Sue and Haroula

Evelyne, not to worry as I am working too today .. hopefully work will be brisk and the day will go quickly

I'm off to garden and then it will be time to head for work .. take care everyone

L4L hearts

Whoosh...

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#884769 - 05/01/13 08:43 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11422
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning friends.

Got to go to Tar-jay and other places this morning. Then have to work on a photo I scanned and also some music I put on Finale. Busy day, me thinks.

Gotta go.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#884792 - 05/01/13 09:40 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5682
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning, everyone. wave I'm off today, but this is still going to be a quick post since I have errands to run and singing to do before fiance gets home. smile Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to stop and breathe a bit more. lol

Hope everyone here has a fantastic Wednesday! spring

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#884805 - 05/01/13 10:02 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: venus]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9481
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers, and I hope your Hump Day is hoppy too! chocobunny

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#884814 - 05/01/13 10:26 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13808
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your time off and just do the things you want to do!! Thanks for the laughs!

Haroula have a lovely time today at hubby's village!! happydance

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I see you will be busy now for awhile. May the dogs adjust quickly!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Evelyne enjoy the holiday but sorry you have to work. Hope your mom's taxes aren't as complicated as ours can be. She sure is a little cutie!! hearts

Gail enjoy a nice walk with the dogs and a good book for afternoon reading!!

Connie have a lovely visit!! Thanks, she sure is. Hope the weather is nice for the visit. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Soot may work fly and go well. Have a nice day!

Bets sounds like a busy day.....have fun!!

Darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly! Have a nice day!

I am off to the surgeons office! If all goes well I'll see ya later. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#884818 - 05/01/13 10:41 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42646
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Tis supposed to be raining here, so not sure if I can time it right and get us all walked in between drops. I know there is laundry and bookkeeping in my future. Not sure what else will happen but for sure something will. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#884819 - 05/01/13 10:46 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65793
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Off to go hiking with Peter and sis. Rough night, a coyote killed a neighbors dog that roamed free and the sounds still haunt me. I hope I can shake it off today.

Nan, this is not the time to see the park. 3/4 of the park is still closed due to damage and flooding. Good luck at the surgeon! hearts Abbi Roze is a a doll!

Gotta run, happy day everyone!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#884824 - 05/01/13 11:42 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello again wave

Mum's taxes done (Nan: taxes here are difficult enough woozy).. and now it's supper time here and then I'am off to bed early.

Nan: all the best with surgeon appt. HUGS and kissy

Ana: I'am sorry you had to listen to such cruel sounds. Poor doggy too. I wish you and sis and Peter a nice walk! kissy

And I wish everyboomie a wonderful day and a relaxing evening with puppy and cat

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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