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#885834 - 05/06/13 01:00 AM Monday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30037
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line..
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car and opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, because there ain't no way I can pass that test."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm just in from a trip to Timbuktu.

The jet-lag is a killer. tired

I feel like I've been up for 17 hours straight. smirk



think


No wait. I HAVE been up 17 hours. shocked


headscratch


Maybe I didn't go to Timbuktu. blush


If not, then I don't have a clue why my mind is on Timbucktu.


Do you? wink


Have a happy day everyone, and I will too.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#885841 - 05/06/13 03:01 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7718
Loc: Greece
Have a great day all wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#885843 - 05/06/13 03:08 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BobH Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 1735
Loc: 47.79N, 122.24W
Happy Monday Joe and Haroula and all to follow. I hope your week starts off well. wave
_________________________
Bob
I've learned that if you're too busy to help a friend, you're too busy.

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#885849 - 05/06/13 04:03 AM Re: Monday [Re: BobH]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,BobH,and all who come in later wave Coffee is ready! Have a great day puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#885852 - 05/06/13 05:15 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17212
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning and Happy Monday Joe, Haroula, BobH, Cailyn and all on the way to the Diner! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#885859 - 05/06/13 06:03 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5445
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Time for yet another work whoosh. wave Have a great Monday, everyone. spring

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#885860 - 05/06/13 06:04 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14651
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have a split shift today. I'll just say hello and have my very large cuppa tea and say have a great Monday everyone. See you later. Bye wave

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#885864 - 05/06/13 06:27 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8083
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to the clock repairman is in the cards today. Hubby's wall clock stopped chiming. Bell South gave it to him for his 25th Anniversary. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Waffles, Pancakes, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#885866 - 05/06/13 06:36 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14479
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Ana, don't see you here yet. Did you fall asleep in the corner?

Haroula, happy day.

Bob, good morning.

Cailyn, coffee please to start a new week.

Gerry, have a good one.

Venus, easy work day wishes.

Midge, wishing you an easy workday.

Connie, good morning when you come in.

Nan, how's your weather lately?

To all who enter I'm wishing you all a wonderful Monday. Got a routine doctor's visit this morning. Be back later.
_________________________
Gail

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#885894 - 05/06/13 09:56 AM Re: Monday [Re: GBC]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15183
Loc: Unionville
Good morning all. Hope everyone has a great Monday to start their week wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#885896 - 05/06/13 09:58 AM Re: Monday [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9375
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and opening up the Diner once again. You are a gem! Hope your Monday is exactly as you'd like it to be!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Rain here this morning...

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#885898 - 05/06/13 10:09 AM Re: Monday [Re: Darlene]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30037
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. yay

It is a gorgeous day in this neck of the woods. Arms and legs too. wink

Still freezing in the house though. frown

I guess that means I need to get out and go on walk about. zombie

Don't have anything special planned for my weekend. I'd just like to go head hunt for a while. happydance

I wish everyone a super special day. bravo

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#885920 - 05/06/13 11:16 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13659
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe have fun for your weekend and I hope the weather is nice for head hunting!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Bob enjoy the day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a good day!

venus happy whooshing!! grin May work be fun and go fast!

Gail it has been cold and foggy and rainy here but this morning the sun is shining and it is already 50F!! Me and Sassy have done two miles already too. lol

Best of luck with your doc appointment!!! HUGS!

Connie I khope it is a quick fix for hubbys clock!! Have a lovely day and thanks for the danish! I might make it to Florida this Jine but time will tell. happydance

Darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly!!

Midge have a fun day at work!!

Manxman have a lovely day!!

Ana hope you aren't getting too worn out over there in the corner. HUGS!!!

Off to run a couple errands.

wave
Nan

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#885922 - 05/06/13 11:27 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Today is clean-the-den day. Not sure what else will happen with the day. A lot depends on how noisy my back gets and if daughter leaves tonight or tomorrow.

Son is working a double today and tomorrow, so other than cleaning, it will be a quiet day. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#885925 - 05/06/13 11:44 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7252
Loc: San Diego, CA
Rainy day. Strange weather. First cold and blustery, then HOT in the 80's and 90's for 2 days, then back to blustery and then a smattering of rain. Perfect earthquake weather and my indoorsie and outdoorsies are all acting weird. Crossing fingers nothing happens.

Today is 'change the front porch security light' day. I tried to reposition the old one and it's frozen so I can't move the sensor. Tried, neighbor guy tried, it's hopeless. Of course it's been up there a looooong time, but the new, LED one will be so much better. Can hardly wait. It's my 3rd replacement of the security lights. After that, only 2 more old ones to do. They have improved them so much it's really great to have a better light. This one is gonna spotlight that 'potty' area. The old one was supposed to go off if anyone entered the driveway to a certain point, but it's stopped being reliable.

Glued to my TV all day today waiting to see if my 'trial' I've been watching will end. Either a jury verdict today or it's a long wait until we get some resolution. This trial has been going for FOUR months. I'm so ready to have it over.

Programming my FIRST cell phone (TracFone) with all the important emergency numbers I might need while out of the house. Only friends and family and police will be called. This is only for mega emergency use. Love the pay as you go (buy minutes that won't expire if you renew within the time period). No ups, no extras, no charges for long distance, or international, nothing sneaky. Great phone for my needs, at half the price of anything else I looked at and no confusing contracts or 'rules'. Love it.

A great Monday to all! dance
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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