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#886208 - 05/07/13 08:11 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30026
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
One of the check-out counters had a sign that said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
Author unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one quarter."
"One quarter?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blond and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blond jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blond finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"
The blond says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realize that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his teacher every day, when he came to school, "I'm getting a brother."
One day his mom allowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didn't say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happened to his brother.
He replied, "I think mommy ate him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you idiot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


You know, spell check does NOT like Italian words for some reason.


Every one of those Italian words are misspelled. lol


So is "everyboomie" for that matter.



I guess that's Italian too. Who knew? snicker


MaMa Mia!! blush



My days off are over, so I'm back on today.


Waa Hoo! I go back on at 5:00am, so I'll be up at 3:30am, so I'll be down just as soon as I can get there. sleep


The BIG problem is that I can't get the sun to go down any sooner, and it's staying up later and later as we get into Summer.



He's a veritable night owl.




I am a night sparrow.



Sorry about the cheep joke.


Have a happy day everyone.


All this up and down is tiring me out.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (05/07/13 08:19 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#886213 - 05/07/13 09:08 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9527
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Thanks for the jokes Joe. lol
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#886222 - 05/07/13 09:57 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64938
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, sorry your weekend is over. I hope that your Monday is a pleasant one.

SpaceQ, have a wonderful day.

I have a vet appt for both pups to get their yearly bloodwork and then I should be back in the corner.

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
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#886242 - 05/08/13 02:10 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7668
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,SpaceQ,Ana and all who come in later wave
Have all a happy day happydance spring
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#886246 - 05/08/13 03:36 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,SpaceQ,Haroula,and all who follow wave Coffee is ready,have a great day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#886259 - 05/08/13 05:31 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17161
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn and all coming to the Diner. Joe I hope your work day flies by. Ana good luck with the pups at the vet. Haroula have a nice day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Hope all is well with you. Happy Day wished for everyone! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#886267 - 05/08/13 06:26 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8073
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A Walmart trip is on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. L4L, I hope Miss Seagen is OK. puppy Danish, BB Pancakes, and Biscuits with Sausage Gravy in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#886268 - 05/08/13 06:35 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17161
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Connie! Enjoy your your day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#886280 - 05/08/13 07:45 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14432
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Space, good day to you.

Ana, good luck at the Vets.

Haroula, happy day is wished.

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, how are you doing?

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Think it's going to be a rainy day today. Looks like a good day for gaming. bunny
_________________________
Gail

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#886303 - 05/08/13 10:01 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#886315 - 05/08/13 11:19 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13642
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Sorry Joe that all good things must come to an end. But on the bright side........only three till the next weekend!! lol Thanks for the laughs!

Space may you have a wonderful day!

Ana best of luck at the Vet!! Another project?? May it move right along for ya!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn how's the campground...busy?? Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a lovely day and hope the knee is better.

Connie have fun at Walmart and hope something fun hops into the cart! Thanks for the danish!

Gail rainy weather is always good for gaming. Enjoy!!

Darlene may everything go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

No plans yet but I know there will be more walking as long as the rain holds out. They talking thunderboomers later.

Oh ya and no taxi tonight as they decided not to go out!!

wave
Nan

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#886317 - 05/08/13 11:37 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7226
Loc: San Diego, CA
Today is Thai restaurant day with my old school pals. We drive 15 minutes to the beach area and eat yummy stuff while catching up on all the good gossip. Can hardly wait.

Indoorsie cat, Bubba is getting weird. Well, weirder than usual. He used to get a small can of wet food in the morning, then he started begging for another in the afternoon (after his brother died). Now he wants 3 meals a day! Might be he's having trouble with the dry food and his toothless state.

All the cats from that lineage have eventually lost all their teeth. I have pretty much figured which cats belonged to which original parents going back 30 years.

Seems to hit the indoorsies and outdoorsies alike. Other bloodlines, are just fine. Same food, same everything. Doc said it was probably a genetic defect. They eat well, even dry food (just swallow it) and live normal lifespans but all their teeth just start falling out at about age 5-7 years. So strange. Makes it fun when you play though, because they can only 'gum' you and you don't have to worry about sharp teeth. catrub
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WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#886349 - 05/08/13 02:35 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13642
Loc: northern Wisconsin
I just love change.......not. lol But it is the only thing you can count on. lol Guess the taxi is running after all. But first I am going to go to my nieces son's band concert!!

Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all.

wave
Nan

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#886363 - 05/08/13 03:39 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42273
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Daughter and SO and Chief and Vader and Keoki and Skywalker and Lil Soot and Seagy and I are just back from the park. Beautiful day out there!

Vet said Miss Seagy has a skin melanoma. Thankfully, it is benign. Doc said we could just watch it as long as it doesn't change. Then if she gets her teeth cleaned or something else needs to be done, it can be taken off. Of course, if it gets red or inflamed or grows or weeps, it will have to come off pronto.

Time for some watermelon. We will be grilling steaks tonight and making some fried green tomatoes if green tomatoes can be found. tomato
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#886369 - 05/08/13 03:54 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64938
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I took off running today and haven't stopped yet. I took the dogs for as long hike at the old stomping grounds where crazy lady walks and of course who do we run into? That's right...crazy lady! Anyways, Shadow did the fish dance on a large stinky fish so we had to come home and shower the dogs and me. Then a trip to the vet with both and I finally came home and just finished eating. I was ready to collapse with no food.

Now I am in the corner for a little bit and then off to for a couple errands.
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