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#887262 - 05/12/13 07:48 PM End of the World
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
AKA Monday


Bore: one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

We have enough "youth".
How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party

When blondes have more fun,do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.


LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto:

At least we're not Mississippi

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green,
then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."

"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."

The reason Politicians try so
hard to get re-elected is that they
would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paraprosdokians

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I am neither for nor against apathy.

25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

28. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

29. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

31. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

33. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

34. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For all the ladies who have asked, "What is marketing?", the following analogies will help clear it up...

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I have an announcement to make.

It's with deep sadness and much regret that I have to tell you that......it's Monday.......and I am NOT happy about it!! mad

One of these days the powers that be are going to take my suggestion and eliminate this infernal day. rolleyes

I think they're afraid that if they eliminate Monday then their lives will be cut short by 1/7th. snicker

So my sister says, "If they eliminate Monday, wouldn't Tuesday just take it's place?"


WHUT???


shocked An intelligent thought? shocked


Should have recorded the moment with Memorex. slapforehead

Oh well,the only good thing about today is that I get off at 2:00, which means I get on at 5:00, which means I get up at 3:30. 'woot woot'

Well actually think I'm pretty happy to be alive today too.

Have a happy Monday (BLAAA) everyone.

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (05/12/13 07:52 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#887268 - 05/12/13 08:19 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63353
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, just think, after today it will be one day closer to Friday! When is Your Friday this week?

Have a happy day everyone! I should be back in the corner and it's a Salsa Funk night. yay

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#887270 - 05/12/13 08:21 PM Re: End of the World [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Saturday is my Friday Ana. woot
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#887272 - 05/12/13 08:26 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63353
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Ahhhh...a long week, I see! I hope it goes quickly for you. hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#887273 - 05/12/13 08:43 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Well, I'm gonna say "Good Morning" tonight. Does that make any sense?

I think I am going to go read for the rest of the morning/evening, whatever!!!!

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#887288 - 05/12/13 09:37 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 20586
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Ah .. happy Monday Joe .. just think, if we didn't have Mondays then Tuesday would be just horrible and Wednesday's wouldn't be half way .. oh my! lol

Hmmm, a long week for me too Ana .. last week was chock full of early days and I have another adventure this week .. I will sleep good this Saturday .. and then Sunday, well that's a story for another day wink

Morning Bets and sleep tight .. I'll be headed that way too in a bit yes

Good morning gang! Enjoy the day, relax when you can and smile as much as possible thumbsup

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#887290 - 05/12/13 10:00 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14466
Loc: Massachusetts
What??? Monday already? Oh my. Well, I have another split shift today. See you on the flip side. Have a good day, when I get up.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#887292 - 05/12/13 10:24 PM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Gameboomers!

Monday, Monday, Monday!!! I go home today! yay rah chocobunny dance cat bravo hearts insane

Only 10 more hours and I will be on my way!

I hope you all have exciting wonderful days too!

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#887308 - 05/13/13 02:57 AM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6896
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Bets,Soot,Sharon and all who come in later. wave
Have all a great day spring
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#887311 - 05/13/13 03:54 AM Re: End of the World [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Soot,Haroula,Bets,Sharon waveSharon glad you get to go home today!Joe I hope your week is a fly by,coffee is on have a great day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#887318 - 05/13/13 04:57 AM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Bets, soot, Midgie, SharonB, Haroula and Cailyn. Hope you all enjoyed mothers Day! Have a great Monday! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#887328 - 05/13/13 06:08 AM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Ha, it took me a minute to realize this was Monday's diner. lol Great title today, Joe. grin

Okay, time for another work whoosh. wave Have a terrific Monday, everyone. spring

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#887329 - 05/13/13 06:13 AM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7808
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Sharon, I'm very happy you get to go home today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the new week. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#887336 - 05/13/13 07:30 AM Re: End of the World [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Busy diner this morning. Hello to everyone. wave

Chilly here this morning. I have my heat on. shiver

Need coffee! woozy
_________________________
Gail

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#887356 - 05/13/13 09:59 AM Re: End of the World [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9146
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! I'm pretty happy to be alive as well, Joe! happydance Have a great Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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