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#887457 - 05/13/13 08:18 PM Day After the End
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29784
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Booze Quotes
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
- Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doctor Notes
These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legal Truisms
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Please don't hit me - my lawyer's in jail.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Justice: A decision in your favor.

Lawyer says client is not that guilty.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.

It's better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.

Laws are like cobwebs which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

On a bill from lawyer, typed by his secretary: Bull rendered: $500.

Grand Jury: One that say, "Not Guilty."

Lawyer: A cat who settles disputes between mice.

Man minus ear waives hearing.

Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back.

Judge Not Convinced Murder Victim is Still Alive

Lawyer Calls Soul As Witness

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

"Your Honor, you're crazy!" said Tom judgmentally.

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up.

Testimoney: Fees paid to expert witnesses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This just in; The world didn't end yesterday, but I have it on very good authority that it definitely will end within the next 100 billion years. Give or take a year. wink

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Say, if the bottom of your foot itches, does that mean your coming into some money, or does it just mean your boss is going to walk over you to get up the corporate ladder? headscratch



Probably just means that I need to scratch it. rolleyes

oops It may be a really good day, or a really bad day.

My other foot itches now. razz


It's another 5:00am start for me today, so...... headscratch ummm...



My sleeping pills are starting to sing a lullaby in my head. tired



I hope you all have a happy day. happydance

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (05/13/13 08:23 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#887473 - 05/13/13 09:58 PM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63361
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for starting the day out right for us Joe. hearts I hope you and everyone else to follow has a happy day.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#887480 - 05/13/13 10:29 PM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14467
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Joe and Ana. I hope everyone has a good day.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#887496 - 05/14/13 02:18 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6903
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Midgie and all wave
Have all a nice day happydance


Edited by Haroula (05/14/13 02:18 AM)
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#887498 - 05/14/13 03:35 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Midge,Haroula wave Wishing a happy day to everyone! Coffee is hot and ready! Another chilly morning here shiver
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#887510 - 05/14/13 05:23 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16310
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, Haroula, Cailyn and all those on the way to the Diner. It's a frosty morning here - about 30 degrees! It will be a chilly walk this morning. Have a great day everyone! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#887519 - 05/14/13 06:08 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great Tuesday, everyone. spring

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#887521 - 05/14/13 06:53 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to the Grocery store is on the agenda. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Muffins, and Waffles in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#887526 - 05/14/13 07:24 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the openers.

Ana, have a great day!

Midgie, are you working today?

Haroula, happy day to you!

Cailyn, coffee sounds good on this chilly morning.

Gerry, enjoy your day!

Venus, hi and bye.

Connie, enjoy your grocery trip.

Routine Doc visit this morning. Church Board Meeting tonight. Gaming in between. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#887552 - 05/14/13 09:59 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9147
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day is great!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#887569 - 05/14/13 11:17 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13272
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles!! Hope work goes well and you sell those mowers!!!

Ana glad you had a free day yesterday though you sounds like you were quite busy. lol No howlering last night.

I am leaving Winter and heading out for Summer today! It is 40 and raining here and where I am going it will be sunny and 96! happydance Daughter is taking me to a Twins/White Sox game in Minneapolis!!! Should be fun, fun, fun!! We'll spend the night at my nephews place tonight since it is a night game. I think we are in the outfield seats so maybe I can catch a homerun!!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee, it hits the spot. lol

Gerry have a lovely day!

Sharon hope you are loving being home and all is going well.

venus may work be fun and time fly!

Gail best of luck with the doc appointment!! HUGS! I like you daily plans!!

Connie have fun grocery shopping!! Thanks for the danish!!

Darlene may all go smoothly at work today! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#887571 - 05/14/13 11:21 AM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41479
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day in Al. I'm doing laundry and getting ready to gear us all up and get out for a walk.

Skywalker has pulled all the hair out of a spot on his side. I'm watching it and we shall see if we need to get to the vet.

This evening we will hopefully get in to the Per's soccer game and then zap from there to Bible Study. At some point before that, I will most likey toss some spices at our books and see what happens.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#887620 - 05/14/13 04:09 PM Re: Day After the End [Re: looney4labs]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29784
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hey there gang. wave

I am home home home. broccoli

It's a balmy 93 degrees here......in the shade. smirk

Good reason for me to say ah shucks, I think I'll stay inside and schlep around where it's cooler. yes

Maybe I'll sleep around instead. tired



grin joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#887622 - 05/14/13 04:18 PM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63361
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, it's 90 here and I'm loving it! woot This is my kind of weather.

Nan, have loads of fun! Woohoo! Peter got 4 tickets for the Cubs game tomorrow night from hubby's boss. Be careful of those fly balls!

I am in the corner again but I ran to the river with the dogs and got them a nice run and swim in. They are sleeping now and content.

Be back...
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#887623 - 05/14/13 04:22 PM Re: Day After the End [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6903
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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