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#888746 - 05/20/13 12:14 AM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29788
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About Women
Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
Women think all beer is the same.
Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women brush their hair before bed.
Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.
Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)
Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me out of here!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Acme Companies
Acme Rope, Inc. -
Knot your ordinary company.

Acme Mine Shafts -
Drop in any time

Acme Lollipops -
One lick and you'll stick with us.

Acme Light Company -
We have lots of bright ideas.

Acme Clown Make-up -
Let us put a smile on your face.

Acme Perfume Corp. -
We love it when business stinks.

Acme Air Conditioning -
We show people how to chill out.

Acme Toy Company -
Our work is kids' play.

Acme Perfume Company -
Our work is all dollars and scents.

Acme Almond Company -
We're nuts!

Acme Sheep Farm -
Our mind is on ewe.

Acme Calculators -
We help you solve your problems.

Acme Flower Bulbs -
We root for you.

Acme Psychologists -
Visit us and you won't go away mad!

Acme Poultry Management -
Let us count your chickens before they hatch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

A nuther week is upon us.

Time to take a deep breath and turn my shoulder toward work. rolleyes

"Lean into it my boy!"

"Put some muscle behind it."

This year for Christmas I'm asking for some roller skates, so I can skate around at work.....instead of waltzing around.

I love it when customers ask me if I "work in this department".

I say, "Actually I try and avoid doing any work at all, but I do help customers." "If I can't avoid that too." cool

Sixty one is no age to retrain my brain to be diligent. shame

I'm all about economy of motion.

I might have made a good great gigolo.....except for the bad back thing. blush

Can I say that here????? think

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#888754 - 05/20/13 02:21 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6912
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have all a hapy day. smile wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#888767 - 05/20/13 04:42 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
cat Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope work flies by. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn coffee is ready. Wishing All a Happy Day! cat
_________________________
Gerry

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#888781 - 05/20/13 05:36 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry wave I slept late rahnow I'm headed to the gym!Gerry thanks for getting the coffee ready wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#888788 - 05/20/13 06:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13765
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Haroula, a happy day is wished.

Gerry, good day to you.

Cailyn, I slept later than usual this morning too.

A wonderful day is wished to all who enter. A trip to the grocery market this morning then a catch up on some gaming. chocobunny
_________________________
Gail

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#888791 - 05/20/13 06:03 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning Cailyn and Gail. Your welcome Cailyn. Enjoy your time at the gym. Gail have fun gaming! Happy Day wished for everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#888792 - 05/20/13 06:04 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, it's time for another work whoosh. wave Have a great Monday, everyone. spring

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#888797 - 05/20/13 07:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7812
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We got up a bit later this morning too. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#888801 - 05/20/13 07:24 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14469
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. How is everyone today? I hope everybody and the four legged members of their familys are good. Thanks Connie for the pancakes. They are delicious. Morning Joe, Haroula, Gerry, Sue, Gail, venus, and all who stop in the diner today. I'm off to work tra la. See you later. Please find some time to exercise.smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#888824 - 05/20/13 10:06 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Midge]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9153
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You crack me up! Have a great Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#888825 - 05/20/13 10:10 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63382
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It's a long corner day and of course it's dance night so I'll be out later to get my exercise in.

Joe, I'm not sure what it was but your comments "Time to take a deep breath and turn my shoulder toward work. rolleyes

"Lean into it my boy!"

"Put some muscle behind it." " gave me a vision that just had me laughing out loud sitting here. You make me smile. grin

Okay..time's up for me. I have to get to work. Have an awesome day everyone! Life is good!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#888839 - 05/20/13 10:48 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13279
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ah Joe thanks for the laughs!! May work fly and those mowers sell!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for getting the coffee started! Have a lovely day!

Cailyn nice you were able to sleep in a little. Have fun at the gym and a lovely day!

Gail have fun grocery shopping and Happy Gaming!! It is still cloudy and windy and rainy here and has been for at least since Thursday so sounds like gaming here too.

venus have a fun day at work and......you know what!!!!

Connie have fun what ever you find to do! Thanks for the treats.

Midge may work be fun! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

Ana may the corner be kind. May the puzzles be kinder. Have fun at class tonight!!

wave
Nan

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#888848 - 05/20/13 11:26 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: auntiegram]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2309
Loc: Switzerland
Hello my Boomer friends wave

Internet came back yesterday evening after a storm and a lightning near our house, went out again after a few minutes and came back only 5 minutes ago, so I will make this short, not knowing when the line is vanishing again... rolleyes

We are well here in Italy, hubby and I, the weather is nasty most of the time but we have a lot of good books with us, so no problemo. We will drive back to Switzerland coming Sunday.

How are you all doing? I hope everything is fine with you all and that spring arrived in your corner of the world. Spring? It's almost summer time, and we had only a small glimpse of spring as yet. We heard that Tornado season started early in the States?! I hope all of you can stay out of the way of those heavy winds.

It's a holiday here today called Pentecost Monday. Hubby and I wanted to go to church this morning (it's a 30 minute walk down the hill) and were already 15 minutes on our way when we saw a huge rain wall (water curtain?) above the sea in the near distance (from an advancing storm). We turned around quickly and hurried UP the hill again (boy I was wheezing!) but, alas, after 10 minutes up-hill-scrambling to hurry home before the great water came upon us, the rain wall hit us fully from behind and we were wet to the underwear in the blink of an eye. Adventurous times! thumbsdown

Happy Monday-Funday to you all. Hope the line is behaving for the rest of our stay.

Love!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#888854 - 05/20/13 01:01 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6778
Loc: San Diego, CA
Excitement last night!

Fireworks again being shot off across the street, BUT unhappily, some of them were coming from the front yard of my favorite Roofer guy's property. His daughter and son-in-law (sorta) and their 6 kids live in the front house. So every night they barbeque and all the kids run around, etc. Sooo last night, darn them, the SIL was shooting off some sort of rocket. He lit it and pointed it at the street and off it went. Just a huge bang (like a gunshot) and then no big poof or anything.

So now we have someone who I trusted, doing something stupid. BUT the fun part was after he shot off about 5 of those, the kids from across the street (the real, continuous culprits) started with the heavy stuff. Rockets in the sky and one HUGE boom near ground level with a major show of sparks.

THEN happily as I stewed and resisted calling the cops (I am always the one to call), a FIRE TRUCK, came in very quietly (no lights no sirens) and parked directly in front of the house where those kids live! Then they spotlighted the house and 4 firemen got out and walked to the house, went down their driveway to the lots in back. They used flashlights on the street, sidewalk and in neighbor's yards looking for 'stuff' and especially for fires. Our lawns and back areas are dead and tinder dry just waiting for a spark.

THEN 3 of the firemen walked directly to the Roofer's kids house! They talked to the guy for a few minutes and then one went across and down the street lighting up 3 more houses (where the fireworks appear behind). They talked to one family and then back to the truck.

THEN the firetruck turned around and drove on the wrong side of the rode and stopped directly in front of the Roofer's kids place. Wow. They chatted again and off they went.

THEN 2 police cars exited the street (probably were there all the time but I didn't see them). Now I'm wondering WHO called the fire dept? If it was the Roofer's kid, HE was also shooting off stuff. Wonder if he admitted it? OR if it was a house down the block where one fireman chatted, maybe it was them and the told the fireman about the Roofer's kid shooting off those rockets too.

Wonder wonder. Just waiting for whatever happens next. We usually have a HUGE display from the kiddos on July 4th. Maybe it won't happen this year. Crossing fingers and toes. So annoying and so scary with all the dry brush. scared
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#888892 - 05/20/13 05:06 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9084
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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