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#890847 - 05/29/13 11:04 PM Thursday's
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30025
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Mae West
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tooth Fairy


Dear _________________,

Thank you for leaving [ ] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found

( ) it was not a human tooth

( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor

( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you

( ) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails

( ) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action

( ) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy

( ) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received

( ) the tooth is still in your mouth

( ) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit

( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit

( ) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing

( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

[ ] string

[ ] pliers

[ ] gunpowder

[ ] hammer marks

[ ] chisel

[ ] part of skull attached to tooth

[ ] no dental care

( ) other reason

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,



The Tooth Fairy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blind Date Ditch

Blind dates are just plain scary, but it gets a lot worse when you meet them and discover they are far from even the most meager of hopes you had for them to be what you wanted. Here's some tips on how to get rid of them, fast!

Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself.

When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.

Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."

Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/ hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask them "What took you so long in the bathroom?"

Recite graphic limericks to the people at the table next to you.

Ask the people at neighboring tables for food from their plates.

Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal.

Order a bucket of lard.

Ask for crayons to color the placemat. You'll need to be extra persuasive in fancier restaurants with linen tablecloths.

Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.

Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets and relatives.

Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, w with a good view of all exits, and where your back will be facing a wall. Act nervous.

Lick your plate. Offer to lick your date's.

Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

Stare at your date's neck and grind your teeth audibly.

Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.

Drool.

Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

Sacrifice French fries to a Pagon god.

Discretely fill your pockets with sugar packets, napkins, salt shakers, silverware, floral arrangements, etc...

Hold a debate. Take both sides.

Undress your date verbally.

Attempt to auction your date off to people nearby.

After getting your food slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

Order a baked potato. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato, have the first one back on your plate.

Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments about it.

Get your date drunk. Talk about their philosophy and tape the conversation. Later use good judgment in editing to twist their words around.

Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.

Occasionally speak in Pig Latin throughout the meal.

Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Tell your date, "They need to air out."

Order for your date. Order more food then he/she can possible eat. Tell them they "must eat it all or suffer the consequences."

If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite, pretend like the food is disgusting and say, "Man, did you get ripped off!"

Bring twenty candles with you to the restaurant. During the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Chant.

Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.

Ask your date how much money they have with them.

Refuse to speak to your date. Request that they mime the conversation instead.

During dinner guard your plate with your fork and steak knife. Give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, reaching for it.

Collect all of the salt shakers from tables surrounding yours. Use them to build a tower on your table.

Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

Repeat every third third word you say say.

Proudly explain to your date that you were voted "Most Festerous" in your high school yearbook. Give examples of why it was appropriate.

Read a newspaper, book or listen to a book on tape during the meal.

Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt.

Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces.

Insist that the waiter take one bite from everything served to you. Explain that you need to make sure no one has poisoned your food.

Accuse your date of espionage. Pretend you have a secret microphone hidden on your body and you are talking the CIA.

Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's day two of two, or 2 of 2 if you prefer.

I prefer day 2 of 10 but oh well. grin

Yesterday we went to a new location to hunt, and it turned out to be a not so good hunting ground. duh

I came back home, and went to the creek with Baby, and found nothing but heartache and disappointment, and three snakes. scared

One snake was dead and being eaten by another one, which disappeared in deep water when I tried to hit it.

I think I must have walked right over it getting down to the water. slapforehead

The other snake was dead, after I left. cool

I may not go to the creek again for a while. shame

Then again I may go today. wink

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (05/29/13 11:06 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#890851 - 05/29/13 11:28 PM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64927
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
eek Joe. Be careful out there! I didn't think a snake would eat another snake. Do you have leather boots so you can't get bit? And armor for Baby! lol

Have a happy day everyone! I'll be in the corner.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#890864 - 05/30/13 02:30 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,and allwho follow me in waveI had a lousy night sleeping been awake on and off,finally decided at 1:45 might as well get up and start the coffee tiredWishing every one a happy Thursday! spring
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#890868 - 05/30/13 03:00 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7664
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Sue and all who follow in later. wave
Have a nice day. smile happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#890881 - 05/30/13 05:11 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17156
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe maybe you'll have better luck hunting today, but be careful of those snakes! eek Ana hope you have a stress free day. yes Cailyn I woke up at 1AM to the sound of thunder. Storm kept me up till 4AM so that coffee is greatly appreciated. wave Haroula have a nice day too. smile Hope everyone enjoys the day. broccoli
_________________________
Gerry

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#890892 - 05/30/13 05:55 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14429
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, unless you were hunting snakes it sounds like the hunt didn't go so well. Hope you have better luck today.

Ana, hope whatever is on your schedule for the day is good.

Cailyn, had the same night. On and off restless sleep. Coffee please!

Haroula, happy day to you.

Gerry, our storm was earlier but sounds like none of us got too much sleep last night.

Connie, have a wonderful day when you come in. Save me a Danish please.

To all who enter I'm wishing a great and happy day!
_________________________
Gail

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#890898 - 05/30/13 06:12 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17156
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning GBC. We are expecting some passing Thunder Storms later today. Hopefully not tonight! Have a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#890904 - 05/30/13 06:47 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8070
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby is feeling good. He has a Pet scan on Monday. Positive vibes please. A trip to the grocery store sometime today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish, Waffles, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#890910 - 05/30/13 07:50 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14635
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have a trip to Waltham this morning to the Boston Pain Clinic. I'm hoping the traffic won't be too bad. We'll see. I checked on Google and it doesn't seem too bad yet. Connie I'm sending positive vibes your way for your hubby. Morning Joe, Ana, Sue, Haroula, Gerry, Gail, and all who come in after me today. Have a wonderful day. It's gonna be in the 90's later. Whew!

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#890927 - 05/30/13 08:46 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15105
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope Thursday is good to everyone smile Joe, I would have been terrified with those snakes, I HATE snakes scared
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#890942 - 05/30/13 10:00 AM Re: Thursday's [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great Thursday and be safe out there!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#890968 - 05/30/13 12:03 PM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7221
Loc: San Diego, CA
LOVE the date hints Joe! I think a lot of those actually happened to me when I was dating. Ugh.

Off to the park again today to see if the transient guy heeded my 'request' and moved the shopping carts. Not gonna get close, will only look from a distance. I've decided it's not safe at all to go near that area. So annoying, so wrong that 'they' can keep 'us' from using 'our' park.

Trash day. Going to sit on my trash can since last week someone went through it again opening all the neat little plastic bags, and especially my cat litter bag and made a real mess of my can. I'm going to eventually FIX this problem. My can smells horrible today. Will wash it after pick up.

Lovely day again. Great weather.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#890980 - 05/30/13 12:25 PM Re: Thursday's [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello and good morning and good afternoon and good evening to an International Boomers group wave

I was piano-sitting this morning at the school for a teacher who got the flu (in spring!). Students didn't love me very much because I couldn't play the pieces for them (still rheumatic knees)...
Then lunch with Mum and sis and bro and niece.
Then admin and payments for my Mum.
Then bookkeeping at home (for me for a change).
Now it's 6.23 p.m. and I have to go cooking... and pop went the day...

May your day be more relaxed sleep puppy cat

Love!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#890995 - 05/30/13 12:52 PM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13641
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ekk Joe be careful out there. Enjoy your time off doing what ever you would like to do! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana hope the corner is kind to you today! Glad you had fun at class last night. Have a nice run if ya go and take the dogs.

Sorry you could not sleep Cailyn. Thanks for the coffee!! Hope you can fit in a nap!

Gerry and Haroula have a lovely day!

Gail it rained here too last night but I have to admit.....I heard nothing. lol Must have been tired to sleep through it. Have a lovely day!

Connie prayers headed up for hubbys PET scan!! HUGS!! Have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!

Manxman that comment reminded me of a soung where it says....I don't like spiders and snakes, but that ain't what it takes! Have a lovely day!

Midge good luck at the pain clinic. Prayers for the Band around you as you travel!!

Sorta hope that guy listened. If not be sure to take pictures and document things. Guess you have to start a "take back the park" campainge. lol

Darlene may all go smoothly today!! Have a lovely day!

Evelyne I'm worn out just reading all you have done today. lol Think I need a nap and it isn't even noon yet. lol Have a lovely evening!!

wave
Nan

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#891018 - 05/30/13 02:04 PM Re: Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64927
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I'm a little off schedule today but I'll get there eventually. lol

I went for a long run this morning and had two deer stop in the road and stare at me. I think they were chuckling at me saying "is this as fast as she can go?" rotfl

Peter came home last night so we are going grocery shopping together before he heads back to the city.

Connie, prayers and positive thoughts for hubby. hearts

Midgie, good luck!

Sue, sorry you couldn't sleep. sad

Nan, anything fun going on today?

Evelyne, I am so sorry you can no longer play piano. Growing older stinks sometimes doesn't it?

Sorta, Gerry, Darlene, manxman, Haroula have a great day!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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