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#891069 - 05/30/13 07:44 PM Re: TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience."
Miguel de Cervantes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out!"

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: You're stranded in a deserted island with Attila the Hun, Adolf Hitler, and a lawyer. You have a revolver with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 of them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer" "But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer. "Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie! welcome

Did I post enough jokes today?

Actually I was kinda thinking it was the weekend, but it's not.

As you may have already suspected, IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! woot

Did I exclaim that loud enough?

If I didn't you can......well you know, shave my head, cover me in wax, and use me for a surfboard. wink

I keep getting sidetracked from my line of thought. (gee imagine that ) crazy

I was just going to mention that I post more jokes on the weekend because usually people have more time to read them then.

There!

That's all.

Hunky dory. thumbsup

I don't want anyone getting stomach cramps from reading too many jokes, too fast, while drinking coffee at the same time, on the weekdays, when they're rushed. (Deep breath)

They might be deeply disturbed about it, and I know how that feels.

I’m deeply disturbed most of the time. taz

The rest of the time I’m asleep. sleep

Ok go out and have a happy day. yes

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#891072 - 05/30/13 08:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, are you back to work today or off? Happy Friday to you too! kissy

I'll be working in the corner and not sure what else will be added in for fun but I am sure I will find something.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#891099 - 05/30/13 11:55 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7491
Loc: the dusty desert
joe , loved the jokes ,and the comments ,too lol hope you have a wonderful day !

ana , have fun today -it's coming up on the weekend - you must have something good planned ?

midge ,fingers crossed you enjoy the weekend also !

hope you all have a truly wonderful day !

wave

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#891107 - 05/31/13 02:14 AM Re: TGIF [Re: niteowl07]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Niteowl wave Another restless night!it makes it a very long day ahead for me tiredCoffee is ready I'll keep it hot!hope you all enjoy your day puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#891110 - 05/31/13 03:17 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7817
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Niteowl,Sue and all who follow. wave
Have all a great day. dance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#891123 - 05/31/13 04:42 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17308
Loc: Marlborough USA
dance Good Morning Joe, Ana, niteowl,Cailyn, and Haroula. Joe stay happy! Ana don't work to hard. Niteowl where is the dusty desert? Cailyn mabe to much stress with the camp is not letting you sleep? Haroula have a sunny day. Happy Day wished for All! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#891132 - 05/31/13 06:46 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14564
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, a good day is wished for you.

Ana, I think you can find fun in anything you do. Wishing you a fun day!

Niteowl, good morning.

Cailyn, sounds like a "lots of coffee day" for you.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, have a great one.

Early dog walking before it gets too hot here. Church tonight. International supper and Silent Auction tonight for fundraiser for the kids to attend camp.
_________________________
Gail

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#891135 - 05/31/13 06:51 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8119
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to the bank and Sam's is on the agenda for the day. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, French Toast, Fruit Cup, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#891163 - 05/31/13 10:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9403
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your TGIF is terrific!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#891172 - 05/31/13 11:13 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15328
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers wave Joe, the jokes were great again as usual lol Happy Friday to all wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#891181 - 05/31/13 11:45 AM Re: TGIF [Re: manxman]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello -

Joe: thank you for the jokes!

Ana: I've put some "Moscht" (apple cider) on your table in the corner...

Niteowl07: hello there wave Have a happy day!

Sue: sorry you had a restless night. Did you try a mug of hot milk with honey in it? I hope coming night will let you sleep.

Haroula: still very hot in Greece? Rainrainrainrain here...

Gerry: Happy day to you too dance

Gail: too hot? Where are you living? I'am coming over with the next airplane! It's 48F here in Switzerland, snow forcast too... I hope they can collect a lot of money for the kids on the auction. Fingers crossed!

Connie: thank you for the goodies and a happy day to you too. Say hello to hubby for me! How ist daughter and SIL doing? I remember them having a fire in the house?!

Darlene: happy skooshing lol

Manxman: and a great day to you too

To all who follow: carpe diem! Don't forget to smile grin

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#891195 - 05/31/13 12:36 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13695
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope your work day flies by and those mowers sell!! Thanks for the chuckles! Have a great day!

Ana you always find something fun to do! lol May the corner be kind and you have a lovely day! Enjoy your walk with the dogs and may the ticks stay away!!

Cailyn sorry you could not sleep last night again. Prayers that you sleep well tonight. Thanks for the coffee!

niteowl sounds like Mel is enjoying it there. lol Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day! Could you send a little of that heat this way please and thank you!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail that sounds like a fun evening! May the fundraiser go very well. Great cause!! Have a lovely kwalk with the dogs and enjoy the nice day!

Connie have fun shopping!! Thanks for the danish!! Have a lovely day! How did hubbys scan go??

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Evelyne your weather sounds like what we are having here too. Although the temp has reached 51F at the moment but I'm sure that won't last very long cause there is more rain on the way.

Hope you have a lovely day! HUGS!!!

No plans till taxi time and then off to work the last fish fry till September. sad Might take in some accordian music this afternoon but we shall see.

wave
Nan

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#891197 - 05/31/13 12:44 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7287
Loc: San Diego, CA
OK just call me crazy lady again today.

Last night, I carefully changed the signs on my trash cans to SIMPLE English. "Stop, keep out!" Easy huh? This was after last week's trashing of my trash by the transient crew.

So again I carefully bagged everything to keep the cans neat. I even maniacally taped up my compactor bag and wrote in huge letters on its side,"DON'T OPEN!".

So this morning, I'm doing the dishes and I hear noises out front. I see a transient with a huge shopping cart full of stuff who has just lifted my compactor bag and set it on his cart and is starting to tear it open. Arrraaaghhhhh!

I know this guy, he's very recognizable. So I run out the front door, waving my dish towel and screaming no no no no, leave my trash along, stop stop! He looks up and explains he didn't know what was in the compactor bag and was going to take it to 'explore'. Grrrrr!

He had already rooted through the recycle container and things were hanging out. So I said keep out of my trash, don't open anything, leave it alone! AND he said, "I have to make a living".

I almost fell down laughing, but resisted the urge to explain what 'making a living' entailed.

So he shuffled off to my neighbor's cans and then thought better of it and wandered down the side street. He knows where I live, I know where he hangs out (at the corner behind the liquor store, and in the park) so I'm hoping we never meet again if I can help it.

Making a living??? I guess if you if your expectations are getting just enough money for drugs and alcohol for the day is a living, he is probably rich.

Hopefully he will spread the word to the rest of the crew and my cans will remain untouched. I now know that labels, signs, tape, etc will have no impact on the shopping cart brigade. Just makes me mad that they don't ask, and they just make a mess.

Actually there is a city ordinance about taking ANYthing out of a recycle can, but no one enforces it. A guy in the big city of San Diego proper chased a trash picker with a baseball bat after many warnings about not going through the apartment's dumpster. Guess who got arrested? AND guess who got to KEEP all the stuff he took out of the cans?

Life goes on. Hopefully without MY cans getting molested. Today I have to clean the trash can from last week because it smells like something died in it. All because of the trash diggers. mad
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#891221 - 05/31/13 03:40 PM Re: TGIF [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9579
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#891222 - 05/31/13 03:53 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13695
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Off with the taxi and then to work the fish fry! Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all!!

wave
Nan

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