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#891291 - 05/31/13 10:00 PM Waka Waka Weekend
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29985
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Female Stages Of Life
AGE DRINK

17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 - Need to wash my hair
25 - Need to wash and condition my hair
35 - Need to colour my hair
48 - Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 - Need to have Francois colour my wig

FAVORITE SPORT

17 - shopping
25 - shopping
35 - shopping
48 - shopping
66 - shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 - "Burger King"
25 - "Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY

17 - tall, dark and handsome
25 - tall, dark and handsome with money
35 - tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 - a man with hair
66 - a man

HOUSE PET

17 - Muffy the cat
25 - Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 - German Shepherd and Muffy the Cat
48 - Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 - Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muff the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED

17 - 17
25 - 25
35 - 35
48 - 48
66 - 66

IDEAL DATE

17 - He offers to pay
25 - He pays
35 - He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 - He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 - He can chew his breakfast
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Female Laws To Live By
The female always make the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong.

If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The female may change her mind at any time.

The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.

The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all times.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I'm sorry but I didn't recognize you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jack and Jill were getting married.

Jack was talking to his dad about the marriage when his dad says, "I remember when your mom and I got married. I took off my pants, gave them to her, and told her to put them on."

"I can't wear these," she said.

"Darn right," he said, "I wear the pants in this family, and you'd better remember that."

"I think I'll try that on Jill," Jack said.

He went to Jill, took off his pants, and gave them to her.

"Put these on," he said.

Jill replied, "I can't wear these."

"Darn right. I wear the pants in this family and you'd better remember that," he said.

Then Jill took off her pants, gave them to him, and told him to put them on.

"I can't get in to these," he said.

"Darn right," Jill said. "And if you don't change your attitude you never will!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

11 Signs of PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You add chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that reads, "How's my driving--call 1-800-***-****."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

11. Three little letters (M, E, and N) send you into an uncontrollable rage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the weekend! woot

I'm in the middle of a movie with a two year old grandnephew crawling up and down, and up and down.......and up and down off the couch and on the couch next to me. hardwall

Wait wait wait. That was in Feb of 2012 when I first posted this one. oops

That kid has graduated kindergarten by now. snicker

Ever get the feeling some of these jokes are recycled? lol

Now you know why you keep having that nagging feeling of deja vu. wink

Recycled laughs.......Hmm. think

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (05/31/13 10:02 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#891294 - 05/31/13 10:12 PM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64681
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe. I think it's very understandable that you can't come up with new jokes everyday. Recycling is good. grin

Are you staying safe in the storms? I see OK is getting hit again. I think you all really must have agitated mother nature.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#891295 - 05/31/13 10:12 PM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14871
Loc: Unionville
Hello to you Joe, Ana and all boomers to follow. Hope you all have a great weekend taz
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#891296 - 05/31/13 10:13 PM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64681
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hope you have a great one too manxman. yay
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#891301 - 05/31/13 10:30 PM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9462
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great weekend Joe, Ana, and Manx. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#891306 - 05/31/13 11:34 PM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64681
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hope it's a good one for you SpaceQ!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#891320 - 06/01/13 01:40 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2098
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Good Friday evening GBers! And welcome to the weekend!
To answer Nan's question, the cats treat him like an alien from outer space. Should've named him R2D2 or Chewbacca maybe(?). He chases them but not far, they just jump up on something and that takes care of it. The younger cats are far more patient than the 2 older ones. He tries to make friends with the seniors, and they hiss loudly at him.
Ah well, back to house training....
Andrea puppy

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#891326 - 06/01/13 02:42 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7605
Loc: Greece
Have a great weekend Joe, Ana, Manx, SpaceQ, Andrea and all who come in later. smile happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#891332 - 06/01/13 04:34 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17001
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, SpaceQ, Andrea and Haroula. Coffee is on Cailyn. Have a great Saturday everyone! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#891335 - 06/01/13 05:03 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6027
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning everyone waveGerry thanks for getting the coffee going,I just woke up so glad I ggot some sleep last night yayEnjoy your day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#891338 - 06/01/13 05:29 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17001
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Cailyn. Glad to hear you got a good nights sleep! Have a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#891344 - 06/01/13 07:00 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14328
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for all the laughs.

Morning Ana, manxman, Space, Andrea, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry, and all who stop in today.

Evelyne, it's in the 90's again today. Grab a plane and come on over.

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend. Got a birthday party for my grandson this afternoon. woot
_________________________
Gail

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#891345 - 06/01/13 07:09 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8023
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Gail, birthday to your Grandson. Ana and Nan, hubby's Pet scan is Monday. We will get the results on Tuesday. Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, Cinnamon Buns, and Fruit Cups, in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#891346 - 06/01/13 07:18 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14328
Loc: Massachusetts
Connie, good morning! Praying your hubby's Pet Scan will have good results. hearts
_________________________
Gail

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#891390 - 06/01/13 10:26 AM Re: Waka Waka Weekend [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11379
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Hi all.

This has been a rough week for us but everything is looking up now. Had Susie over here for several days but it is looking good now. Sorry, can't go into it. She is on the way to wellness. Thank God.

Rough night last night. Spent some time in the basement. We lucked out again. Got 1.7 inches of rain. SIL got over 6 over the last few days.

Gotta go do some housecleaning.

Take care everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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