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#893590 - 06/10/13 08:19 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30062
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

African Meal

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sending The Bill
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Management Course

Lesson #1:


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.


When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that

It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies.

Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Lesson #2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129?

The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lesson #3:

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, I'll give each of you just one wish.

Me first! Me first! says the administration clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff! She's gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales representative. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Puff! He's gone.


OK, you're up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Lesson #4:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.

Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm sitting here watching the two hour premier of Falling Skies, that I recorded last night, so I could get to bed early, and I'm running late getting there tonight.

I need to be at Taps-Lights Out by zero 20 hundred hours. That's 8:00pm for you civies out there. sleep

It's nice to be able to zip through the commercials.................that's when I remember I can zip through them. think

I really wish I could do like my dad did when he wanted to go to sleep. He had a trick to it. What he did was ......he closed his eyes man and he was OUT like a light. sleep lol

The man would just close his eyes and he was asleep.

I think that's the basic difference between myself, and a man with a clean conscience. evil

They say that ignorance is bliss. think

My sister sure seems to sleep ok. snicker

Hmm that's a tongue twister.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (06/10/13 08:25 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#893600 - 06/10/13 09:59 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14680
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks Joe for your openers. Still Monday night for me. I'm headed for bed now. Been a long day but I'll be here in the AM. I hope you all had a great night's sleep.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#893604 - 06/10/13 10:04 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Midge]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9578
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Tuesday Joe and Midgie. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#893633 - 06/11/13 12:42 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65217
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Midgie and SpaceQ. yay

Not sure what today is bringing but I'm sure whatever it is I'll make the best of it. hearts

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#893639 - 06/11/13 02:33 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7815
Loc: Greece
Have a great Tuesday Joe,Midgie,Ana and all who come in later. happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#893642 - 06/11/13 03:53 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6056
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Midge,Ana,SpaceQ,Haroula waveCoffee is on Gerry for when you come in,more rain here smirkI'm headed back to the gym this morning I think I'm up to it after being sick.Wishing you all a great day puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#893650 - 06/11/13 04:34 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17308
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Midgie, SpaceQ, Ana, Cailyn and Haroula. Joe I love Falling Skies. The new season is off to a great start! Midgie sleep well. SpaceQ enjoy! Ana I hope you have a stress free day. Haroula is the sun shining on your day? We have another rainy day. Cailyn glad you're feeling better, but it might be to soon to get back to the gym. I'm tired this morning. Thanks for the coffee. Take Care. Have a great day All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#893663 - 06/11/13 06:10 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14563
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, does your sister read your comments? lol

Midgie, good morning.

Space, wishing you a good day!

Haroula, happy day!

Ana, hope the day has a lot of fun in store for you.

Cailyn, glad you're feeling better. Enjoy the gym and thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, make the best of yet another rainy day.

Car still in the garage so I guess I'm stuck home today. It's also still raining so it's going to be a great gaming day. woot
_________________________
Gail

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#893669 - 06/11/13 06:58 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8119
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A target trip is in the cards for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#893689 - 06/11/13 08:35 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13694
Loc: northern Wisconsin

wow Joe, thanks for the laughs this morning. Great way to start the day! May work fly and those mowers sell for you.

Midge blueberry pancakes in the corner. Have a lovely day!

Ana no corner yet???? WooHoo!! Have fun at what ever pops up your way!!

Space and Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. I'll have mine to go please as I have a busy day ahead. Teeth cleaning to start it out and then a friend has two doc appointments in Duluth and they don't driver there so I will be taking them and waiting!! Have a lovely day and enjoy the gym.

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail rain and game always go together. lol Happy gaming!!! happydance

Connie have fun at Tarjay and I hope something fun jumps in the cart!! Thanks for the danish!

Off to walk Sassy before the rain drops fall. lol

wave
Nan

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#893697 - 06/11/13 09:53 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9402
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thank you for your openers! Toast to a terrific Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#893708 - 06/11/13 10:40 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42378
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It is soooooooooooooo humid here. You need a chain saw to cut through the air. This morning (6.a.m.) was the roughest walk we've had since we started back. It was walk 1/2 a lap, use the inhaler, walk 1/2 lap, use the inhaler and so one and so forth. For awhile there, I thought maybe it was empty but the counter swore it wasn't. I will for sure be staying in the AC the rest of the day.

Called the vet to ask if the humidity affects the dogs and found out that yes indeed it does. The vet said if the humidity is so high it is making it hard for me to breathe, it is making it hard for the doggies to cool down. I did not know that. But I don't know what else we can do unless we try going at midnight. Wish we had a pool but I can't imagine trying to keep a pool clean with 4 dogs using it. Well, 3...I don't think Seagy would come within a mile of it.

Made a truly smooth smoothie this morning. Hubby left, fed me, fed the dogs. Got the dogs their "treat" and was gathering ingredients for smoothie for son when Lil Soot launched himself at Skywalker cos Skywalker got too close to his treat crumbs. eek

Well, let me tell ya...that is so not going to fly around here. So I pulled Soot off Sky (who was running for cover going MoM! Help me), flipped Lil Soot on his side and he spent the next 20 minutes there while I dropped treats around him and let the other dogs eat them. Miss Seagy very calmly came over and stood next to me watching LiL Soot for the whole time. When I finally let him up, he immmediately growled at Sky so down he went again. When I let him up that time he decided perhaps he didn't want to be the boss, and the kitchen did not really belong to him after all. I think we've been letting him get by with some "grumbling" by rationalyzing that he is just talking. No more....that little one is going to shape up! I am so not having an aggressive dog...sweet babies only in this house.

So, my morning has been eventful to say the least.

Joe, must say I dragged my feet on the DVR forever and now only watch tv that's recorded so I don't have to wait on commercials. rotfl I used to fall asleep like your dad, and then I had kids. Have a great day!

Midgy, how are you?

Quest, what's up for you today?

Ana, I'm sure you will as you always do. How is Merlin?

Haroula, any beach in your day?

Cailyn, how was your gym visit?

Gerry, did you not sleep well?

Happy gaming, Gail!

Connie, have fun at Target wave

Nan, you are an angel bravo

Happy skooshing, Darlene.

Off to make son a smoothie as he is on his way out the door.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#893725 - 06/11/13 12:11 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7286
Loc: San Diego, CA
Gee L4L you have so much fun with your dogs. rotfl I guess it's a bit like herding cats which I am oh so good at.

Today I wait for the yard kid to appear. He came yesterday (you never know when he will show up) and I had a full day away from home planned so I told him to come back today. Any bets on if I ever see him?

Finally caught up on the 'Falling Skies' series 1 and 2. I'd never watched them but got hooked on a marathon over the weekend. So I went out and bought 1 and 2 and watched them BOTH in 2 days. Then I recorded the season 3 opener last night and will watch that today. Lots of 'seat' time around here.

Rags, the Outdoorsie LONG haired mom cat has a corkscrew tail. She curls it twice around instead of letting it just hang out there. It's really adorable. Only seen one other cat around here like that. Dunno if it's a 'breed' thing or just in that bloodline. I gave the other one (a tiny kitten which I really wanted to keep but had way too many already) away to a good home. SHE had the corkscrew tail and was pure white with an actual Question Mark on her back with the curled part by her tail and the 'dot' on her head. Awesome cat. They named her, Enigma. So cute.

So on Rags and her long fur stuff and her tail, consequently, the lower half gets knotted and tangled and occasionally get pooped on by her. What a mess. Her big 'winter' clumps all over are coming out nicely. I find them all over the yard, but that tail is awful. I tried to cut some of the tangle off yesterday, but she's an 'untouchable' so I only got a tiny bit before she screamed and ran just out of reach. I'll try again when my reflexes are tip top and she's hungry enough to ignore me.

No yard kid yet. He will probably arrive while I'm on my morning walk.

_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#893728 - 06/11/13 12:53 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42378
Loc: Alabama
Yep Sorta, ya gotta love it, but they will not win. There is only one big dog at home right now, and it is not Lil Soot!

Rags sounds adorable, but I can imagine cutting the snarls out is hard. Keoki, who is easy to do anything lets us cut out his snarls in his long tail fringe, but he is not happy anytime someone is touching his tail.

I bet you'll only see your yard boy is you didn't pay him yesterday. :lucK:

So, just spent the last 2 hours trying to get the boys to pick up and put away stuff from their floor. We've been doing it all week and they've been really good, but not today. "I'm too tired to clean." "I don't care...just throw it all away." Etc. So after a couple of hours trying to get them to cooperate, I went down and got a 30 gal garbage bag and whatever was on the floor is now in the garbage.

They will "rest" on the couch until their mom arrives and they will not play any form of video entertainment in this house for next weekend for sure, and most likely longer. This is a rebellion that will be squashed quickly or they will be some bored little boys. Interesting how this behavior did not pop up until they knew they were going home today.

I had planned a park trip and some fun things for the day, but can't reward them for such behavior.

My plans for the afternoon are not yet formed...will have to see what inspiration brings. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#893742 - 06/11/13 01:52 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2094
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Gosh L4L, at one time I had 3 doggys -one of which was that 110 pound and most intimidating Alaskan Malamute and never was there a fight because she set the rules and everybody obeyed, cats, dogs and people. It made life much simpler that way.

A beauty morning today so I cut some blood weed in the front and back. My yard(?) is a nightmare but for the kits it is a walk through paradise. And I'm allergic to it.

Video gaming woes -1. Stuck on Halo
2. Stuck on Splatterhouse
3. Kinda tired of Oblivion
4. Stuck on Chicken Invaders, The ultimate omelet Christmas edition
5. Dissapointed in Dragon's Dogma although it might improve later on

Inspite of it all -on to the games!!
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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