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#894367 - 06/14/13 01:32 AM Friday's
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her.

"I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is."

"OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?"

"I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!"

"Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding me?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yes, but you started it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bubba calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today, I'm really sick. I have a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Bubba, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to make love to me. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Bubba calls again: "Boss, did what you said, and I feel great. I'll be at work soon. You've got a nice wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you! said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully, "thankfully, we can all still drive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I think I made it through my first night shift ok last night. thumbsup

Either that or hell is remarkably similar to Oklahoma. razz

I say that because I was kinda hoping the world would end before I had to go to work, and it was so hot outside that I thought my wish had been granted. devil

I've been told, on more than one occasion, that there is a special place reserved for me in hell. shocked

How rude! shame

I keep trying to cancel my reservation, but my email is being returned as "undeliverable." duh

Have a happy, cool day everyone. penguin

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#894369 - 06/14/13 02:26 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6904
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe lol
Have all a great Friday. happydance wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#894372 - 06/14/13 02:37 AM Re: Friday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who arrive later wave Joe glad you survived the night shift!Coffee is ready I know it's early but I couldn't sleep tiredWe have heavy rain here eekI don't know but I think,I hope that summer will comes soon smirkWishing every one a great day puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#894378 - 06/14/13 03:46 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16310
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe keep that smile on! Haroula hope you get time for the beach. Cailyn it's still raining hear too. How are you feeling? Wishing everyone a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#894388 - 06/14/13 05:40 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14467
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers. Morning Haroula, Sue, Gerry, and everyone who comes in after me. I have work this morning, then a CAT scan this afternoon to find out if I have a hernia. Hope I find out soon. See you later.

Midgie hearts Oh...please don't forget to exercise. smile
_________________________
Just do it.

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#894390 - 06/14/13 06:14 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge, prayers and hugs on the way. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#894395 - 06/14/13 06:55 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, At least it's cooler at night than the daytime.

Haroula, happy day!

Cailyn, thanks for the early coffee. I didn't sleep all night as the heavy rain hits on my aluminum awnings all night.

Gerry, stay dry if you can.

Midgie, good luck with the Cat Scan. Hugs!

Connie, enjoy whatever the day holds for you.

Rain rain go away! Supposed to finally ease off this afternoon. Wishing everyone a wonderfully dry day if possible. Wishing all with dry weather some of our rain.
_________________________
Gail

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#894413 - 06/14/13 09:55 AM Re: Friday's [Re: GBC]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9151
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and I hope your day is cooler for you!

Midgie, hope your CAT scan goes well! kissy

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Friday! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#894425 - 06/14/13 10:17 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning all.

Bill is at the dentist getting his permanent bridge. He says he wants steak for dinner tonight.

I gotta go get Cory out and vac the living room carpet. Yikes, Cory is really shedding. Then I have to finish the laundry.

Better scoot. See ya.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#894426 - 06/14/13 10:19 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I have a busy day of painting and more staining and then more wall washing. eek Volunteers welcome. grin

Tomorrow is my Warrior Dash and it looks like we are in for a very wet and excessively muddy run. rotfl Hubby and daughter are going to cheer my niece and I on at the last three obstacles so I'll actually have pictures this year! yay

Joe, did you see the arrowhead I emailed you that I found at the river yesterday? I'm so excited!

Midgie, hearts

Gotta run!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#894430 - 06/14/13 10:34 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hubby came through this morning and got up, so I did too. If he had stayed in bed, I'd have gone back to sleep happily but I really am glad that he didn't. It was pleasant out there so we had a good walk, if a bit slower than normal. My right foot decided to cramp a bit so lots of starts and stops, but we made it happydance

Then home to throw a smoothie together for hubby who had to get out of the house in a hurry. Sadly, did not like this one. Tasted good at first taste but then the bitter aftertaste hit. So that one is off the list. Gonna make a different one when son gets up to go to work.

Boys will be here in just a few minutes. Depending on the weather and their mood, we may go to the park. Time will tell whistle

Joe, did you get switched to night shift? Or is this a rotating thing?

Haroula, have a wonderful day.

Cailyn, how are you feeling?

Gerry, what's up for you today?

Midgy, luck

Connie, bacon sandwiches. Thank you. How are ya?

Gail, sorry you couldn't sleep. I hope the rain stops soon for you guys.

Darlene, happy skooshing.

Bets, sounds like a busy day.

Ana, why are you painting? Prep for the wedding or just wanting a change?

I'm going to go lie down til son gets up or the boys get here. I'm a bit tired today and as my exercise adrenaline wanes, I'm fading fast. Can't have that with the boys coming. Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#894433 - 06/14/13 10:52 AM Re: Friday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

I am very tired this morning, and wanting a nap already. sleep

I was scheduled to 10:00 last night, but I worked till 11:00.

They got word that the district manager would be in our store today, and all the managers we're panicing. None more so than my department manager. rolleyes

I'll leave at 10:00 tonight or tomorrow night, instead f at 11:00. yes

L4L we rotate schedules. Normally after your day off you are scheduled 1 or 2 openers, then mid shift, then closing. thumbsup

Ana no I did not get your email. Please send it to me again. bravo happydance

I hope everyone has a super day. yes

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#894447 - 06/14/13 11:51 AM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Were you up late last night, Joe?

I think that whole rotating schedule has to be hard on the body. I was talking to the girl at Hardee's the other day and she was scheduled to close that night and had to open the next. I know son gets stuck with that too. He closed last night and had to open this morning.

Boys got here just as dad left. They passed in the street. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#894466 - 06/14/13 12:28 PM Re: Friday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6775
Loc: San Diego, CA
Spent yesterday and the day before doing all the 'stuff' my yard kid missed. Raked up 17 piles of leaves and debris from the yard, then put it all in yard waste cans the second day. Took me a total of 1 1/2 hours to do twice what the kiddo did and got paid good money for. Not happy, might just not ever have him do anything again. It's coming, I can tell my good nature is drifting away where he is concerned. AND he said he got all the dead weeds out of the driveway (easy job, just brush with broom or foot and they dissolve into dust). Well he must have a different of ALL since most of them are still there. Sigh.

THEN I find out from neighbor lady (who is also disenchanted) that he 'borrowed' gas for his lawnmower (also borrowed from someone) to do someone else's yard. He is always 'borrowing'. Didn't mind it 2 years ago when he was just starting out, but now he's not borrowing, he's just taking and not returning anything.

I used to let him use my phone (he always has to call someone) but then I started getting hang ups all over the place. I told him no more nada nope. He was a bit taken aback, but he has a cell phone (claims it's not working, no battery, etc). It's always a different phone every time I see him, ditto for his bicycles. I am almost convinced he is stealing those things and then dumping them so as not to be caught. His bicycles seem to get 'stolen' every other week. Uhhuh. Now he has NO bicycle. I didn't ask.

So I'm doing the yard work, praying that my many painful maladies will allow me. Doing pretty well, and surprising myself. Kid turned 21, no longer a kid. I'm sure he will be back in jail soon since I confirmed he isn't going to his mandated DUI and Domestic Violence classes. He seems to think that you can 'miss' classes and make them up when you feel like it. The paperwork clearly says 'two misses and you will have to start over'. Yup, he's not too good at following directions, and then seems surprised when he's called on it. I think I have finally given up. Sad for both of us.

Off to Costly Co today for coupon day. Need stuff. More stuff, lots of stuff. Love stuff. woot
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#894470 - 06/14/13 12:38 PM Re: Friday's [Re: Sorta Blonde]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning Sorta. wave

I was up till 2:00 last night L4L. tired

I don't have to do the close/open thing very often.

Night before last my department manager had to close and got to bed at about 1:30, and had to get back up at 4:00 to open. shocked

That's ridiculous! shame

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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