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#894598 - 06/15/13 12:29 AM TGIS
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30037
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises.

So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go.

Noon comes, no dictator... 10 minutes longer... no dictator.

One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said, "Rest In Peace". The owner was a little peeved,and he called the florist to complain.

After he told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, "Sir I`m really sorry for the mistake,but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations On Your New Location".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally passes gas quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars which I invested IN Apple."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the doctor learned he was about to marry an eighteen-year-old girl.
"Now, Mr. Jenkins", the doctor warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt".
The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies".
~~~~~~~~~~~~


A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

"What? And work in the dark?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, paranas, and many other things that could kill you. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes.

Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that "party thing."

Suddenly, there was this big splash! The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat hell across the tank, and, lo and behold, he made it!

The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright, you made it, WOW!. What are your 3 wishes?" The man replied, "First, you see that shotgun of yours? give me it, Two, see those bullets over there? give me them, 3, find me the dirt bag who pushed me in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning bloomers. welcome

Happy TGIS!! woot

I couldn't thank God for Friday when I have to work Saturday, but I am soooooo off tomorrow. penguin

That thought will keep me smiling all day... grin .....and make all of my bosses wonder what I'm up to.

"We can't go on together, with suspicious minds."

"Thank you! Thank you very much."

Hey kids! Do you know what time it is? yay

It's put Joey to bed time. sleep

AKA put Joey out of his misery time. lol

Have a happy day all. thumbsup

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (06/15/13 12:31 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#894603 - 06/15/13 01:22 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9548
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Saturday Joe. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#894608 - 06/15/13 02:52 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7720
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,SpasceQF and all who follow.
Have a nice Saturday. happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#894609 - 06/15/13 03:04 AM Re: TGIS [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Space,Haroula waveJoe I hope you get to sleep late this morning sleep Enjoy your day off!Coffee is ready I'll kep it hot,wishing everyone a great day! puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#894613 - 06/15/13 04:03 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17218
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Haroula, and Cailyn. Hope you all have a sun shinning Friday! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#894627 - 06/15/13 06:45 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8084
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We did some plant shopping yesterday. It's time to replace the plants that don't like the heat. Today we shall work in the yard until the heat gets us. Then it will be pool time. To all here and all who follow, have a Super Saturday. Danish, Waffles, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#894629 - 06/15/13 07:08 AM Re: TGIS [Re: Haroula]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9548
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning Haroula, Sue, Gerry, and Connie. The bacon smells great Connie. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#894643 - 06/15/13 09:24 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14481
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers,

Joe, have a great great day!

Sue, slept in this morning for a change. Need coffee desperately!

Space, good morning.

Haroula, happy day.

Gerry, is your sun finally out?

Connie, have fun planting and cooling off in the pool.

Weather is finally beautiful here. Sun is shining and all is well! yay
_________________________
Gail

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#894646 - 06/15/13 09:42 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21258
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Diner laugh

The boys are up with me and the rest of the house is quiet as a mouse. Looking forward to this weekend as this past week and next couple of weeks at work will continue to be very busy.

Joe, grin .. thanks for the smile today, hope your work day is a good one

Sue & Connie .. Woot! Thanks for the coffee and munchies, will be snacking and sipping all morning while gardening, surfing and listening to my music

SpaceQF, Haroula, Gerry, Gail and to all who follow, have a wonderful Saturday .. we have another warm day ahead of us, the sun is shining here to and life is good!

Take care everyone penguin
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#894662 - 06/15/13 10:36 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11408
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Vacuuming done, just dusting left. Yuck. Cory has been on his morning walk. Nothing planned for the day. Sale at Big Fish. Gonna go fishin me thinks.

I surely do hope that everyone has a wonderful day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#894663 - 06/15/13 10:47 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65047
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It's pouring rain and I will be heading to run the warrior dash rain or shine this afternoon. I'll be the one singing in the rain! lol

Nan,hope all is well in your corner of the world.

be back...have to run the dogs at the river. They don't care it's raining either. puppy
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#894664 - 06/15/13 10:54 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll wave

Feeling kind of yukky today, so think I'll go back to bed. Son is planning to take the boys to the zoo for a bit today. Have fun Ana wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#894672 - 06/15/13 11:25 AM Re: TGIS [Re: looney4labs]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30037
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

We have a cloudy rumbley day going here. I'm hoping it gives us some good rain. happydance

The high is supposed to stay around 89. bravo

Today is the last leg of my long week. woot

I feel like I'm on my last leg too. shocked lol

Ana good luck on your obstacle run. hearts

Have a great day SpaceQuest, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Connie, Gail, Soot, Bets, L4L, and all Boomies out there. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#894676 - 06/15/13 11:33 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Well, made smoothies for everyone and now feeling awake so think we will gear up and go walk the doglets....albeit, we will walk slowly I imagine. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#894681 - 06/15/13 11:48 AM Re: TGIS [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2084
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Hey Joe -what's your new doggy up to now anyway

Laaazzzy day. It just occurred that 2013 is half over already. That was fast. Could the earth be rotating faster but still the seasons would have to be shortening. Too brainey for me. And earth would be revolving around the sun faster. And I'm getting slower and slower.

My kits picky/minced their breakfast this AM after I opened up cans 3 times for them and that snotty Bengal finally ate a hotdog. Now they are all stretched out on top of various pieces of furniture -with the dust bunnies. And the fridge is stuffed with small dishes of c'food. Puppy has no prob eating in the summer time.

Well, on to Sudoku

Happy Saturday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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