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#894787 - 06/16/13 01:12 AM The Diner Sunday Edition
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.

"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.

"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, 'I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.'

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, 'Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"

The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YEE HAW good morning everyboomie. penguin

Day one of my weekend has begun. yay

It's only a one day weekend, but I'll cross that draw bridge when it starts up. Uh huh... thumbsup

Today I am swinging through the jungle down the Amazon river with my trusty side kick Baby. dance

It sounds better than walking through the woods down the Rock Creek doesn't it? wink

You've heard of Jungle Jim?

I'm Jungle Joe.......his younger, but handsomer brother. snicker

Jungle Joe is starting to smell like jungle rot, so he is going to post this diatribe and head for the waterfall. taz

Well it's more of a rambling than a diatribe, and I'm headed for the shower, but that just doesn't sound as romantic now does it? grin

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#894788 - 06/16/13 02:21 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6904
Loc: Greece
Have a great Sunday everyone happydance wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#894789 - 06/16/13 03:41 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16310
Loc: Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe we should call you "Mighty Joe Young"! Haroula enjoy your Sunday. Cailyn the coffee's on! A peaceful Sunday wished for everyone! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#894799 - 06/16/13 05:40 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry wave Thanks for getting the coffee going Gerry, fatherto you Joe! Enjoy the day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#894802 - 06/16/13 06:32 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a trip to Sam's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. father to Joe and all our Diner Dad's. Danish, Bacon, Eggs, Hash Browns, and Toast in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#894804 - 06/16/13 07:05 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day swinging through the trees.

Haroula, happy day!

Sue, enjoy whatever the day brings today.

Gerry, coffee is needed here.

Connie, enjoy Sam's. Thanks for the Danish.

Church this morning then a nice quiet day.

father to all the Boomer Fathers.
_________________________
Gail

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#894809 - 06/16/13 08:13 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: GBC]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9077
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning Joe, Sue, Gerry, Connie, Haroula and Gail.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#894819 - 06/16/13 10:03 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Been raining off and on here.

Susie called yesterday afternoon and invited us to dinner today. I think Vince is grilling ribs. Yum. Not much else going on today otherwise so guess I'll go play something for a bit.

Have a wonderful day everyone and Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#894829 - 06/16/13 10:38 AM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Bets, SpaceQ, Gail, Connie, Sue, Gerry and Haroula.

It's a bright and beautiful day here and I am slugging until it's time for Insanity class. Then I may run the dogs and do some more work in the house.

I hope you all have a fantastic fathers day! yay
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#894866 - 06/16/13 12:49 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13275
Loc: northern Wisconsin
father To all you dads out there!!!

Joe glad you didn't fall asleep under the waterfalls! lol Have a happy hunting day down the Amason River with Baby!!! Thanks for the laughs.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry you were up early. eek Thanks for the coffee. Have a nice day!

Cailyn glad you could sleep in some. Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast and have fun at Sam's!! Thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gailenjoy church and have a lovely relaxing day. Hope you are still feeling good. HUGS!

Space have a lovely day!!

Bets a BBQ sounds nice, enjoy. How is Susie feeling?? Happy Gaming!!

Ana how DO you keep going and going and going??? lol Some how I just can NOT picture you slugging. lol Have a great class and a wonderful day!

father
Nan

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#894881 - 06/16/13 02:03 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

I slept in a bit (but not as late as yesterday) and then Soot and I headed out to walk the doggies. The park was pretty deserted but a few folks came out while we were there. As we were finishing up some folks brought a darling curly-haired little girl...maybe a year to 18 months old. She loved dogs so each time we'd pass she'd get a big "oh" face on and they'd start taking pics. On our last lap we stopped so they could finish up their pictures. Doggies were hot and tired and glad of the break. It is a nice day, though of course it's hot. Soot and I came home soaked to the skin and the doggies were all ready to rest.

After we cleaned us up, we cleaned up the kitchen....twice. Then made smoothies for everyone. Talked to Va son who called to wish his dad a happy Father's Day. Now I need to clean the kitchen yet again. Then I'm not going in there again til time to cook supper.

Son and friend and all the kids are watching Goonies. Such a good movie. We are trying to find a time to go to the new Superman, but it's hard coordinating son's and hubby's schedule. This is hubby's busy time and his schedule is not flexible.

I do not think that "slug" is in Ana's vocabulary. That means I have to slug twice as much as I normally would to keep the world in balance rotfl

Everyone have a wonderful day. Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#894885 - 06/16/13 02:23 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, next run for me is the 9 mile Spartan Race in a month. Super Spartan Race I have to get out of my comfort zone and do something that will test my limits. lol
How are you feeling? hearts

Off to the river with the dogs now.

EDIT: Sorry L4L, when I refreshed the page you were there. Shows how long I took to write the post. rotfl
Hope you can get your schedules coordinated to get in your movie!


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (06/16/13 02:27 PM)
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#894916 - 06/16/13 03:59 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6775
Loc: San Diego, CA
Woke up to the sump pump on the rentals running constantly. Supposed to only empty when full and runs for 7 seconds.

Checked circuit breaker and then went down to tenant's house. Found son in yard and told him I needed to check the pump (it was constantly on).

He took off the heavy cover and I listened. Empty tank, motor running constantly. So I unplugged it and it stopped. Tried a few times hoping it would stop on its own. No luck.

KNEW that the problem was a stuck 'float' in the down position. Tried wiggling wires, got a long pole and tried to dislodge it (not easy since you can't see IN the tank). Had no luck there.

Called plumber. Still waiting after 2 1/2 hours when they said 1 hour. I know it's a holiday and busy so I'm not worried.

Went to tenant mom and asked about kleenex in the toilet. Nope. We had this discussion last time it clogged. Then she said the toilet got clogged last night but they cleared it. Uhhuh.

So I mentioned Baby Wipes. THIS time she admitted that they used Baby Wipes! All the times before she said no nope not nada. So now I know the stuck float has been Baby Wipes all along (suggested by the plumber twice now).

So I have to go down every 10 minutes or so to plug in the pump so it won't overflow the tank. If it does, it will be a nasty soggy mess for the plumber. Can't afford that. So I ask the son to run it after running any water.

I go to check, I find the pump RUNNING and plugged in. I ask the son, he says he did that 5 minutes ago. Arrrraaaghhh! I tell him again how to plug and unplug AFTER water is run, and it takes only 7 seconds. Don't leave it plugged in. He seems to understand. I'm still not sure.

This lovely family just doesn't seem to understand things, but they are nice people, been here 30 years (me 35) so we are friends and neighbors, almost like family.

Gonna keep checking while waiting for the plumber to save me.

OH, and they are going to have a Father's Day party any minute now. This should be fun since they will have to make sure nothing runs down the drain/toilet while the plumber is working in the tank.

Any bets on that going right? rotfl help insane
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#894918 - 06/16/13 04:00 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6904
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#894925 - 06/16/13 04:24 PM Re: The Diner Sunday Edition [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 1888
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Sorta, how do you do it? You have alot of patience. My daughter in Tulsa, OK has 2 rental houses so 2 sets of tenants however her husband is big and muscular -ex fireman- so I bet they listen to him when he barks.

All prepared to make a frittata yankee clipper style and alas ShemerBaby is sound asleep on the stove, of all places. Can try it tomorrow.

Laundry all done and foldedfoldedfolded and put away...I did pets' beds and my clothes and can do my bed maybe tomorrow. And did some housework but no cooking today, it's too hot anyway.

Sleepy now... nap attack
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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