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#895477 - 06/19/13 12:08 AM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30117
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Mark Russell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A guy with a Doberman pinscher asks his friend who has a Chihuahua if he wants to grab a bite to eat.

The man with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go into a restaurant. We've got dogs with us."

"Just follow my lead," assures the other man.

They walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses before entering.

When he gets inside, the doorman says, "Sorry sir, no pets allowed."

To which the man replies, "It's OK, this is my seeing eye dog."

"A Doberman?" the confused host asks.

"Yes, they're using them now. They're really quite good."

The host shrugs and says, "Come on in."

Next, the guy with the Chihuahua decides to give it a try, so he puts on his sunglasses and walks in.

The host stops him immediately and says, "Sorry guy, no pets allowed."

"You don't understand. This is my seeing eye dog," the man replies.

The host says, "Oh, come on, a Chihuahua?"

At which point the man yells, "They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moment's hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed and told him: "Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me".
The grandson replies: "But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead".
The don, angry, answers: "You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'TIMES UP'"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. "What have I done wrong, officer?" the driver asks.
"You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that," the officer says to the driver. "You must go at least 50mph."
"But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!" the driver replies.
"HA HA HA!" The officer laughs out loud. "That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn't the speed limit!"
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
"What happened to her?" the officer asks.
"I don't know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he`s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ?an`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving His son`s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's a new day here in Oklahoma. yay

Is it a new day where ya'll are, or is it still yesterday? razz

It looks just the same here as yesterday morning did, but I know it's a new day because yesterday my sister was here, and today she's not. penguin

I thought maybe mom had found her a new home, and gave her away, but no, her friend got married, and my sister is house sitting for her. sad

I hope she doesn't fall off in her sleep. woot

You see? I really do care for her. wink

Have a super new day everyone. yes

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (06/19/13 12:09 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#895478 - 06/19/13 12:26 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BobH Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 1911
Loc: 47.79N, 122.24W
Hi Joe and all that come. It's still yesterday here. I feel so behind the times! laugh

Thanks for the jokes. I especially liked the one about the 3 children.
_________________________
Bob
I've learned that if you're too busy to help a friend, you're too busy.

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#895480 - 06/19/13 12:40 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65554
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you could write a book on your sister. rotfl Have a happy day my friend! hearts

BobH, have a great day!

I have a Dexa scan early followed by a ridiculous amount of chores and then Insanity class at night.

I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#895489 - 06/19/13 02:54 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8008
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Bob,Ana and all who come in later. wave
Have a nice day.
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#895490 - 06/19/13 03:20 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6078
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Bob,Haroula waveIt's a new day for me Joe,the campground is very quiet a lot of schools haven't gotten out yet.Coffee is ready enjoy the day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#895495 - 06/19/13 04:11 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17500
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, BobH, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Love the funnys Joe. lol Enjoy your "tomorrow" BobH. grin Ana hope all is well. Good Luck with the bone density scan. luck Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn Ive been waking up and getting up around 3AM too. It must be something in the air! sherlock Thanks for the coffee. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#895516 - 06/19/13 07:13 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8165
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We had a 15 minute hurricane night before last. It sure looked and felt like one. Hubby will be fixing the damage today. It snapped 3 of the 4 posts holding the shade cover over our orchids. We also lost a palm tree, snapped it right in half. Our tables, a bar, and umbrellas where all in the middle of the pond. Trash everywhere, WoW. eek To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and French Toast in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#895525 - 06/19/13 08:27 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14710
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, good luck with the scan.

Bob see you in the morning.

Haroula, good day!

Sue, Coffee....please and thank you!

Gerry, have a great day.

Connie, enjoy whatever your plans are today. So glad you were safe. Hope the damage was minimal.

Dog walking this morning. Not sure what's on the agenda for the rest of the day. Everyone have a great day!


Edited by GBC (06/19/13 08:29 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#895558 - 06/19/13 09:51 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9448
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Hump Day is a happy one!

Connie eek how scary! Glad you are all OK.

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Dinner at daughter's tonight! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#895564 - 06/19/13 10:03 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13759
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs!! Hope work flies and goes well.

Bob have a lovely day, when it gets there. lol

Ana may all be well with the scan! Have fun at Insanity class.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day! Enjoy the quiet while you can as soon they will al be out. lol

Gerry have a lovely day! Sorry you wake so early!

Oh Connie so glad that you and hubby are safe. eek That had to have been something. Good luck to hubby for putting it all back together. Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk with the dogs. Enjoy the rest of the day!

Darlene may all go smoothly at work and the time fly! Have a lovely day and enjoy dinner at daughters!

No plans till taxi time.

wave
NAn

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#895568 - 06/19/13 10:31 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42539
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Hubby successfully motivated me so we were up and at 'em early. It was spitting when we left the house and for the first couple of laps. That cool rain felt wonderful! Then it stopped and it just felt really really really humid. Nonetheless, we hung in there and got it done.

Then home to smoothie everyone and then feed me and feed dogs and give them their monthly heartworm/flea meds. Now it's time to sit, surf, and sip. I have a routine doctor's appointment this afternoon, and will have to remember to take an umbrella with me.

Had to coax my Keoki to go with us this morning. Once we got him up, moving, and there he was fine but he was not the first dog out the door like he usually is.

Hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed Man of Steel last night. Super fun movie. bravo

Joe, enjoy your sister free time. thumbsup

Bob, I liked that one too.

Ana, is your scan routine or are they looking for the source of a problem. As active as you are and as healthy as your diet is, I would expect your bones to be rock solid. Have fun at Insanity.

Making Fried Dill Pickles is really easy. Some folks use spears; others use pickle chips. Then you dip them in something to get them wet...last night's recipe used an egg/milk mixture....looking at another one that uses buttermilk. Then you dredge them in a coating. Last night I used fish fry. Next time I'm going to try a mix of cornmeal and flour and a few spices. Then pop them in med hot oil and cook them to a nice color. Take them out with a slotted spoon and let them drain. I won't make them often cos they are fried, but every now and again I get a craving. And it's much cheaper to make them at home than to buy baseball tickets and go to the game so I can buy some from the vendors. lol

Haroula, what's up for you today?

Cailyn,enjoy the quiet!

Gerry, have a wonderful day.

Connie, that sounds like quite a 15 minutes. Hope you get it all restored quickly.

Gail, have fun with the dogs. Do you walk around where you live or go somewhere?

Darlene, happy skooshing!

Nan, has summer found you yet?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#895572 - 06/19/13 11:46 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7366
Loc: San Diego, CA
Yard kid nowhere to be seen since last Monday. He's usually around working every day somewhere in the neighborhood. The warrant for his arrest is still out there and he's not in jail so I think he's just being 'cautious'. They will eventually catch him. Poor guy. This time he's looking at another month probably or more in 'Big Boy's Jail'. Since he turned 21 in May, it won't be the coddling he's used to in lock up. Just doesn't learn that if you mess up, you do what they tell you to do. All so simple, attend some classes, pay a small fine, and he'd be good to go. As soon as they 'get' him this time, he's going directly to jail, not passing go, not collecting 200 dollars. This is his THIRD time going to jail. Does anyone else see a pattern? So far it's all misdemeanors but I 'see' where this is going. Sigh. cry
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#895576 - 06/19/13 12:04 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42539
Loc: Alabama
Sorta, that is sad and frustrating when people keep repeating a self-destructive pattern. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#895585 - 06/19/13 01:03 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65554
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
L4L, I have osteopenia and it hasn't been checked in two years so I needed to know if it is getting better, stayed the same or hopefully not, progressed into osteoporosis. I am hoping it got better so I have my fingers crossed.

Hubby is sealing the deck so I am going to run the dogs so they can go potty. No yard for a bit.

Hope you all are enjoying the day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#895586 - 06/19/13 01:17 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42539
Loc: Alabama
Finger's crossed for a great result. My sister had osteopina, but she successfully rehabbed and is now "normal." luck

Hubby can come seal our deck if he gets bored whistle
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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