My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing will begin in five minutes.
US president during radio microphone test.
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name wait for it is www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company. www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com
9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com
Yes, they are real.
A mighty fire had been raging at a Texas oil refinery. Fire engines from all around had tried in vain to get close enough to the fierce blaze to put it out, but the heat was so intense that no one could even get near the burning oil and gas. Hundreds of fire trucks from far and wide had been called and now they all just sat wondering what to do.
Suddenly, an old fire engine from a tiny fire company appeared in the distance. It was the only truck from a tiny town and had been driving all night in response to this alarm. To the amazement of all of the firemen, the tiny truck sped right past the other fire engines and came to a leisurely halt right at the base of the fire. The men in the tiny truck leaped out, doused themselves with water from their own hoses, and proceeded to extinguish the fire.
The next dat at an awards ceremony for the 6 heoic men of the tiny fire company, the Governor presented the fire chief with a check for $20,000.
"What do you think your fire company will do with such a large amount of money?", asked the Governor.
"Well," replied the old fire chief, "the first thing we're gonna do with it is fix the brakes on that old truck!"
A handsome young man and a beautiful girl met and it was love at first sight. They immediately got married and went on their honeymoon. On their wedding night, the bride went into the bathroom to freshen up.
Unfortunately, she had a case of bad breath so severe she had to take a powerful drug to control it. She was about to take the drug when she decided it would be best to let her husband in on her secret since they would be spending the rest of their lives together.
So she returned to bed without taking the drug.
Her husband then went into the bathroom to freshen up. He also had a problem with foot odor so offensive it required a special preparation to keep it under control. He was about to apply the preparation when he decided it would be better to let his wife know about his problem because she would find out about it sooner or later anyway.
He skipped applying the preparation, returned to bed, grabbed his wife and gave her a big kiss.
She said, "Honey, there's something I have to tell you."
"OK," he said, "but I think I know what it is ... you ate my socks."
The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at
thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope
out of the corner of her mouth, "I bet you a tenner that I can make
every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand."
The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that."
The Queen says, "Watch this."
So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes
crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering,
basically going ballistic.
So the Pope is standing there thinking, "Uh oh, what am I going to do?
I never thought she'd be able to do it."
So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,
"I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just
now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head."
The Queen goes, "No way, it can't be done."
So the Pope headbutts her.
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scount. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what???s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go roof." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scount, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "He must be a DiMaggio fan.?"
Good morning everyboomie.
My days off seem like Christmas. They take forever to get here, and then gone in a flash.
I'm beginning to realize, (after 2 years), that I'm hopelessly addicted to the narcotic effect finding arrowheads.
Yesterday it donned on me that 313 chores is not only impossible for me to get done on 1 day off, but it is also a very unlucky number.
So......can you say pro-cras-tin-a-tion?
I invoked my right as a card carrying member of
of the World Order of the Fraternal Brotherhood of Procrastinators United. WOOTFBOPU for short.
I spent a couple of hours at the creek.
It was a complete waste of time.........and energy.
I'll never do that again.
I did do one chore though. I bought a new freezer at Lowe's yesterday. It was a special order that a customer didn't want because it has a little dent in it from shipping or delivery.
It was almost $700 retail, and I got it for only $200.
It's a chest freezer, and I had it in the back of my truck, so I unloaded it, and transferred the food from a smaller freezer into the new one.
It was hard work.
It took me minutes to get done.
It's so hot that I was tempted to put it in my bedroom, and sleep in it.
Gotta run now.
Have a happy day everyone.