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#896573 - 06/23/13 11:44 PM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30037
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen (1903 - 1978), (Charlie McCarthy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad Days

Ever have a really bad day? You may want to rethink how bad it was after reading these.


1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...


6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"

"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"

"The light was on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk tells him, ''No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it.''

The duck says, ''Okay'' and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk says, ''I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor.''

The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ''Got any nails?''

''No,'' comes the reply.

''Got any duck feed?''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."

"Ya, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."

The German replies, " ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A butcher in his shop, and he's real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads "Can I have
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."

The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten pound note there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it's close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.

Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts yelling at the dog and swearing at him.

The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heaven's sake!", to which the guy responds... "Genius my butt - this is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Can't believe it's another Monday. razz

I know it's been 7 days since last Monday, but what I don't know is what happened to the other six days. shocked

Especially my days off. smirk

I think they got sucked into that black hole called work, where nothing can escape, not even a day off. smile

That's the gravity of the situation. dance

It's me fondest hope however, that in the coming days the gravity of it all, will be bested by the levity of two whole days off being liberated from the beast by golly........and by me of course. wink

I've gotta get me rest for now though.

I'm gettin sucked in at 1:00 and that'll make for a very long day.

One of two at that. razz

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (06/23/13 11:53 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#896577 - 06/24/13 02:08 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65047
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and happy Monday!

I'm not trying to be prejudiced, but the wedding was the the best ever! I'm too sleepy to find a picture, but I will later. I'm a happy mom.

Have a great day everyone!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#896579 - 06/24/13 02:12 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7721
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later. wave
Ana bravo smile
Have all a nice day. summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#896586 - 06/24/13 03:46 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who follow me in waveAna I'm sure the wedding was beautiful can't wait to see some pics! Coffee is on wishing you all a great day! puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#896598 - 06/24/13 05:25 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17218
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope the work day whooshes by! Ana, I can't wait to see the wedding pictures! I'm sure you will sleep well now that it's over! Haroula enjoy your sunshine. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a great day All! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#896604 - 06/24/13 06:25 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14481
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday goes by quickly.

Ana, so glad it went so well. Looking forward to pics.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Sue, coffee is appreciated.

Gerry, have a great day.

Connie, enjoy whatever your plans are.

To all I'm wishing a wonderful day. puppy
_________________________
Gail

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#896609 - 06/24/13 06:50 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8084
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge, I hope you are feeling better today. Ana, I'm looking forward to seeing pics of the wedding. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Fruit Cups in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#896629 - 06/24/13 09:06 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13660
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and may work fly and go well.

Ana happy that all went well at the wedding. Looking forward to the pictures.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail any fun plans today?? Have a lovely day!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

A sad day here but that too shall hopefully be moving on out the door quickly, I hope.

wave
Nan

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#896645 - 06/24/13 10:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9376
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Monday is mahvelous!

Ana, sounds like everything went perfectly! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#896650 - 06/24/13 10:29 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I and the doggies headed out early for the park. We've been overcast for a few days now. No complaints here as that keeps it from being quite as hot. Then home for the morning routine. I think I have discovered that I might be cross-reactive to pineapple sad What's up with that? I love pineapple!

Today is book cooking. I think I'll use the slow cooker, but that means it will take most of the day.

Ana, woohoo and I'm willing to bet it was perfect!

Morning Haroula wave

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. Boys just showed up so I'm gonna need it.

Gerry, busy day for you?

Gail, what are the girls up to today?

Connie, bacon sandwiches sound yummy. What's up for you today?

Nan, hugs to you!

Darlene, happy skooshing!
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896667 - 06/24/13 11:32 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11408
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Susie and Vince were over for dinner last night. Susie is doing much better but is still on medication which makes her tired.

Nothing planned for the day. Made an early trip to Wally World, nothing exciting.

What's up Nan?

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#896684 - 06/24/13 12:38 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: flutist]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies, hope live is good to you all!

Another busy day here, but the head is much better. Have a lot to do still till hubby and I will drive to Italy again.

Nan: I hope nothing sad happened to you my dear! Hugs and more hugs kissy

Ana: so happy for you and family hearts

I'am thinking of you my friends flowers

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#896688 - 06/24/13 12:58 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Bets, hope Susie feels herself again soon.

Evelyne, how is your headache?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896696 - 06/24/13 01:08 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: looney4labs]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2109
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
L4L, did you see my answer to you yesterday? What is cross-reactive?
Andrea puppy

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#896716 - 06/24/13 03:01 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Andrea, are you crate training?

Cross Reactive means that because I am allergic to ragweed, my silly body reacts to cantaloupe and honey dew as if they were ragweed. There is a big list of foods that you can react to, but the good news is that one may not be reactive to all of the foods in the list.

Off to nap a bit wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896723 - 06/24/13 03:25 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9548
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#896742 - 06/24/13 04:22 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7721
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#896757 - 06/24/13 05:35 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13191
Loc: Palouse country
Afternoon; not sure where the day went but it went..
Woke to more rain; of course the weeds needed the water. Think it's time to go on the defensive.

Ana, forgot to mention; Couer d'Alene had their Ironman triathlon Sun. Only 140 miles round trip... rah
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#896769 - 06/24/13 06:15 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13660
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well I am off to play some BINGO!!! It should keep my mind occupied. lol Course that is if there is one there cause you have to have a mind to be able to occupy it. lol

Have a lovely evening all.

Oh Summer came for a day and it is like 84 out there. Twice what it was yesterday. lol Good thing I was up early and got a nice loooong walk in before 7am.

wave
Nan

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#896771 - 06/24/13 06:25 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65047
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, why a sad day? Big Hugs! hearts

WE have a houseful from Jersey here today but everyone is sacked out and sleepy watching TV. Tornado sirens are going off to the south and storms will be here soon. I took the dogs for a swim and hike at the river and they are happy. We will be going out to dinner later and then I think it will be an early night.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#896778 - 06/24/13 07:23 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42310
Loc: Alabama
Kids fed, son fed, hubby still at work, too early to feed dogs, so I'm going upstairs and read. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896783 - 06/24/13 08:09 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7252
Loc: San Diego, CA
Is it still Monday?! It will never end.

Spent all last night trying to clear my kitchen sink drain. It was fine until I poured the enzyme cleaner treatment stuff down it that the plumber highly recommended. Never again!

2 days after I did the treatment, the sink clogged up tight. Nothing drained. I poured Draino Gel down it every half hour and it finally drained a little then clogged again.

So this morning I finally gave up and called the plumber. Two guys showed up and the 'leader' wasn't feeling well. But he did most of the work anyway and tried to tell me the drain pipe 50 feet long was 'compressed'. Ha. I said no way are we replacing the pipe. Just clear the drain which was fine since 1944. He worked inside under the sink, then outside on the cleanout then inside again, groaning and grumpy.

He eventually said it wasn't going to work, and at that point, I said, "the clog is about 7-10 inches past the drain, where the pipe bends at a 45 degree angle, here's an 8x10 glossy of the piping in the wall so you know where you have to clear it". At that he looked at the pic, looked at me, went right back to the sink and in 2 seconds it was clear.

I really think he was trying to get more 'work' and convince me that it was a big big job. Ha. The picture got him. I KNOW my house. I take pictures of all repairs and work done. Comes in handy.

So I was quoted $165. at the start and waited till he wrote up the bill, then produced the ad that said, '$20.00 off with this ad'. Again he wasn't pleased, but did take off the 20 and I'm a happy camper.

I shudder to think what would have happened if I wasn't familiar with my house and it's construction and it's problems.

As they left the 'helper' turned to me and said, 'you really know something about plumbing'. I'm laughing. If I didn't I would have been in the hole for about $2300. rough estimate for what he wanted to do. Uhhuh. Happy Me! rotfl

Only bad part is that there is again something dead under my house. Probably under the kitchen floor and it was close to the vent where we had to work on the clean out hole. Yuk! Probably one of the baby possums or something bigger. Dunno. It will go away in a week or a few days later. The possums will eat it and the ants will help.

OH and the guy wanted to go under my house to 'look', probably to tell me things were falling apart, but they weren't and no water was puddling under there AND I asked about the shower area where I have been 'quickfixing' it to stop the massive leaking through the floor AND it was DRY except for some moisture on the beams under it. Wheeeee! Glad he went under there since I can't anymore. Old is not fun.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#896784 - 06/24/13 08:23 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2084
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Yesterday I made that pear pie and yes it was very good. After eating almost half at one setting and most pie stuffed I decided to give the rest to my neighbor and she accepted it with a great big smile. She lives with her daughter and sister and I live alone and we all enjoyed that Sunday afternoon.

Nan, why so sad? Is Sassy OK?

I'm itching to start Metro last light likeright now

Bye bye



Edited by Yankee Clipper (06/24/13 08:24 PM)
Edit Reason: dummy head
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#896788 - 06/24/13 09:03 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14651
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi friends. I'm hearing pretty loud thunder boomers so I'll be quick. Ana I'm so glad you had a great day. Please stay safe with what you're hearing with the tornado sirens. That's got to be scary. Nan big hugs coming your way. kissy

Wow! That was a very big thnder boom! I'm signing off now.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#896790 - 06/24/13 09:31 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Midge]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9548
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good night Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#896797 - 06/24/13 10:39 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9376
Loc: Southern California
wave

Home, fed, AGT'd....

Big hugs to you, Nan... hearts

Off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#896798 - 06/24/13 10:59 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65047
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hawks Win!! woot So excited!!!

We just got home from dinner, we spent a lot of time chatting. Kinda sad to see all the families going back home. It's been quite a week. hearts
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#896810 - 06/25/13 12:24 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13660
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Ana be safe in the storms! We are suppose to have some tonight also but not doing anything right now.

Sad is....my youngest granddaughter, the mother of Abbi and Jude, up and took off early this mornng with her present boyfriend for Atlanta. sad She is so nieve that I hope Atlanta doesn't swallow her up.

She says she needs to get her head straight and her stuff together. duh I'm hoping that it's not for long or Abbi will forget about her, poor thing. All I can do is pray and leave her in His hands.

Well time to call it a day! Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep
Nan

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