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#897928 - 06/29/13 11:21 PM Sip-&-Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30024
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
If you want to make people weep, you must weep yourself. If you want to make people laugh, your face must remain serious. cool
Giovanni Jacopo Casanova
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A blonde had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too [blip] close" embroidered on her panties and bra.

"Yes Madame," said the clerk. "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"

"Braille," she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 best excuses when you get caught falling
asleep on your desk:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.

He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third."

The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.

Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.

After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for every thing".

Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy.

A few months later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything".

It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.

A month later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes".
~~~~~~~~~~~

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning Good morning Good morning! welcome

It is officially the day after the day before today. penguin

That's the one I've been waiting for. think

Well actually it's not.

The one I've been waiting for is the day after the day before tomorrow. dance Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo

Sorry, I get confused. crazy

Sometimes I forget to take my meds. oops My bad

Please don't tell anyone. It took me a very long time to shake the guys in the white lab coats. cool

I don't want them to find me. shame

Then again.......

I might not mind it if they would let me out on weekends to head hunt.

Have a happy day everybody.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers


Edited by gymcandy1 (06/29/13 11:29 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#897930 - 06/29/13 11:27 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64924
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe. I am looking forward to next weekend. I do not believe I will have time for much of anything this week. I feel bad because hubby has the week off. Oh well, he has a few golf dates scheduled with my BIL and that will keep him happy.

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#897939 - 06/30/13 12:38 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Joe and Ana. Is it still hot there Joe?? Ana, normal summer temps here are in the sixties and low seventies. And yesterday, still today, was 86* and it lasted!! Once in awhile it will get pretty hot, even been known to be 100 plus but that only lasts a few minutes and then it drops back down to what we are used to. It is very hot inland too and usually that will suck the fog onto the Coast but not this time. I can't believe I am saying this, but I will take the fog thank you. Hope everyone has a great day and Happy Gaming!! wave Belgian waffles and Vermont maple syrup in the corner...oh, and a big bowl of fresh fruit!!
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#897946 - 06/30/13 03:56 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: Lotus777]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Lotusand all who stop by later waveCoffee is on I'll keep it fresh!Taking a trip to New Hampshire today,shopping with my Gr.daughters crazyWishing you all a Sunny Happy day! summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#897950 - 06/30/13 04:45 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17152
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Lotus, Cailyn. Hope everyone can find time to relax today. I sure need a worry free day! Take care All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#897951 - 06/30/13 04:46 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7660
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Lotusand,Sue and all who come in later. wave
Have all a nice day happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#897957 - 06/30/13 05:10 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5417
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#897963 - 06/30/13 05:30 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17152
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning to you Haroula and venus. wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#897966 - 06/30/13 06:08 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8070
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a Sam's trip today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#897967 - 06/30/13 07:18 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14429
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, ahh, hope you can squeeze in a little time with Hubby.

Lotus, good morning. wishing you a good weather day.

Sue, enjoy your trip to NH. Thanks for the coffee!

Gerry, a worry free day sounds good.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Venus, good morning. Are you working today?

Connie, enjoy your breakfast out.

Church this morning. Not sure what the weather plans on doing today so no plans as yet.
_________________________
Gail

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#898003 - 06/30/13 10:42 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30024
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning gang. wave

I'm awaiting my last work day to start in a couple of hours. yes

Very much looking forward to my days off. happydance

The best thing about the next couple of days is that the temperature is supposed to be in the 80's instead of the 90's. penguin

Still hot, but more bearable. thumbsup

I hope you all enjoy your Sunday. yes

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#898007 - 06/30/13 11:11 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13640
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and I hope your last day goes fast for ya!!

Ana hope you can find a little time for hubby. Maybe one project will move right along and grant you some free time. HUGS!

Haroula have a lovely day! Cailyn take the Band with you as you travel. Have fun shopping with granddaughters!! Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry may today be a worry free day for you. HUGS!!

venus good to see you. Missed that whoooooshing!! lol

Gail enjoy church and may the weather clear and it be a nice day!!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and happy shopping!! Thanks for the danish!!

wave
Nan

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#898010 - 06/30/13 11:23 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: auntiegram]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9521
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Sunday everyone. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#898012 - 06/30/13 11:28 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you have a Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo Sunday! smile

Hey, Ana! You were feeling under the weather recently, yes? Hope you are feeling much better! I am soooooo looking forward to next weekend, as well! Woohoo!

Hey, Lotus! Sounds like you are having some beautiful weather. It is triple-digit weather here currently.... rolleyes

Hi, Cailyn! Good morning!

Howdy, Haroula! Hope your Sunday has been going well!

Hey, venus! Good to see you here again!

Hi, Connie! Enjoy your day!

'Morning, Gail! Happy Sunday!

Hey, Nan! Good morning! Hope your day goes easy peasy!

Howdy, SQFan! Have a great day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's SittingheredoingexactlyasJoesayssippingandsurfingandenjoyingthepostsbeforestartingthisbeautiful Sip-&-Surf Sunday!

Church this morning, and then Hubby wants to barbecue. Easy peasy day!

Enjoy your day, sweet 'Boomies!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#898020 - 06/30/13 12:14 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7221
Loc: San Diego, CA
Joe I love your day before tomorrow or after or whatever. It reminded me of the quote from "Peggy Sue Got Married", where she says 'It's like I'm remembering the Future'. Love that quote.

So today the weatherman is trying to get even with me. He's been predicting HOT temps and we are not nearly there, like 20 degrees less than he says. BUT today, they predict, get this, 101 degrees for us at the coast! I'll believe it when I feel it, but for now, it's 79 in the sun and maybe, just maybe he will be right? Naw! Letcha know if I melt.

Dreaded Apartments had a party last night. I knew something was up when some of the cars which park in the back there, were suddenly all in front of MY house from early morning on. Then I heard the distinct sound of a bouncy house motor. So the party started about 5pm with kids all over, then at 7 they cranked up the LOUD music, and the singing and laughing and drinking was in full bloom. Boom boom stuff. Actually pretty good IF you didn't care about hearing your TV, or leaving windows/door open to get air, or having any chance of sleeping until 2 am. Yup, the whole house shook, windows rattled, cars came and went and kept beeping their 'alarms' right in front of my open front door. Arrraaaghhhh!

One of my tenants came up (they were directly in the path of the party) with no house or trees to buffer the sounds. I gave them the house number there and they said they might call the police with a noise complaint. I guess they never did since this went on all night and into the wee hours of the morning.

AND along with that, we had neighborhood fireworks AGAIN. They will never stop. 2 huge booms, scared me big time, and later 2 Roman Candles from probably the kids across the way. I just couldn't get out of bed fast enough to see where, but I'm pretty sure.

Guess the 4th is going to be BIG display all over here. I don't know whether to complain or just grit my teeth as usual. I'm so afraid something will catch on fire especially the empty house. Wish the kiddies and my 'used to be nice' neighbor would learn or at least get caught and fined. No concern for neighbors. Guess it's pretty much the same all over unless you get very lucky and have model citizens in all the houses around you. hardwall
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#898030 - 06/30/13 12:36 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42268
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Sweet hubby woke me at 8 and we headed out to walk the dogs. It was pleasant out there, but for some reason, my leg was being a turkey. However, we perservered and after about 40 minutes the pain went away and I was able to speed up. Wish I knew what causes the problem and how to make it go away more quickly.

Then home to make our morning smoothie, shower, feed dogs, etc. Now it's time to sit and sure for a bit. Boys will be here tomorrow and stay for 8 days.

I'm planning to work on my recipe file today and winnow out some cookbooks. I love cookbooks, but they are overrunning my kitchen. And since I just ordered a couple more, something has to go whistle

Hubby and I watched Bicentennial Man last night. I had forgotten how good that movie was.

Ana, I hope whatever is keeping you busy allows a little time for fun.

Lotus, remember to hydrate hydrate hydrate in that heat. I think I'd love summer temps in the 60's and 70's now, though I wouldn't have liked them when I was younger as we just lived at the pool in the summer.

Cailyn, happy shoppity shopping wave

Gerry, hope that worry free day finds you soon.

Haroula, are you guys having unusually hot weather in Greece?

Venus, happy swooshing.

Connie, Sam's is a dangerous place. Have fun!

Gail, hope the plans are for something fun no matter the weather.

Joe, hope the day flies and you are soon relaxing. Is the water down far enough for head hunting?

Nan, what is up for you and Sassy today?

Space, have fun whatever you do today?

Darlene, sounds like a wonderful day.

Yep Sorta, it is the same all over. I'll be glad when the 4th is over as folks will be popping fireworks for this entire week.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#898042 - 06/30/13 01:20 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64924
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I keep going up and down with feeling good and then feeling very poorly. Today is not a good day. This too shall pass.

I need to get some fresh air so maybe I can breathe so I am going out to take the dogs swimming at the river. I am hoping I will feel better and my brain will work better after that.

Gerry, hugs to you and hope it is a good day for you.

L4L, I have two projects due this week, one not nearly done and the other not started. No pressure. rotfl Hope you can find out what is causing your leg to hurt.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#898043 - 06/30/13 01:20 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2084
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Got up at 6:30 this morning and went to front porch and to the southwest was a gorgeous rainbow. It would have been perfect except for a bit of clouds obscuring the apex. That rainbow had a beginning and probably a perfect ending but my woods hid that. So no pot of gold. Just witnessing something like that is gold in itself. And it's cooler today -double goody.

I'm starting a list of no-cook meals for hot weather. Today it's canned red salmon with chopped onions and Bragg's vinegar, chilled. Tomorrow's a blank.

Nan, I don't have a well. There is an ancient one in the pasture but is dried up and covered. Some newer houses have drilled wells but due to the drought here they might be risky. We get our water from The Corrizo-Wilcox aquifer. Also there are underground springs here and there. I had a small one but never used it =let the wildlife enjoy it. They dig around it.

On to the games
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#898056 - 06/30/13 02:03 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7660
Loc: Greece
L4L I just saw that you have a heat weave in USA. summer
Suprisely here is not so hot,they say that this will be the cooler summer ever yes wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#898074 - 06/30/13 04:45 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42268
Loc: Alabama
Ahhh, been cleaning out recipes and chatting with sister. Now time to clean up the kitchen. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#898093 - 06/30/13 07:59 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9521
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
See you tomorrow Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#898111 - 06/30/13 09:53 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14634
Loc: Massachusetts
Night all.

Midgie sleep
_________________________
Just do it.

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#898135 - 06/30/13 11:46 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13640
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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#898141 - 07/01/13 12:26 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64924
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams to those off to bed. I have a pitiful pup here who either got bit on his foot or poked himself with something at the river, but it swelled up and became infected within hours and I have been changing bandages every few hours. Luckily I had the antibiotic pills and drops here from there multiple escapades so I have done all I can for now. I am hoping that it will be better tomorrow and I won't have to try and squeeze in a vet appt. I swear it's always something with our furry friends.

I hope you all had a wonderful day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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