Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.
John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, "You look terrible. What's the problem?".
"My mother died in June", he said, "and left me $10,000".
"Gee, that's tough", he replied.
"Then in July", the driend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000".
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder your'e depressed".
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000".
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad".
"Then this month", continued the friend, "Nothing!"
A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
"I'm afraid," said the heart surgeon, "that you're going to need a bypass operation."
The patient squirmed uneasily in the seat.
"I-I'd like a second opinion, if you don't mind."
"Not at all," replied the surgeon. "You're also ugly as sin."
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now is considered to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays soundness of the mind."
"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. When can I go home?"
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup, "I got in the backseat by mistake."
Two Indians and a Cajun were walking in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. He hollered into the cave, "Wooooo! Wooooo!Woooooo!" and then listened until he heard the answer......."Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He then proceeded to tear his clothes off and run into the cave.
The Cajun was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was the Indian crazy or something? "No," said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!", and get an answer back it means that she is in there waiting to mate with you."
Just about then, this Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave and hollered, "Woooo! Woooo! Wooooo!" When he heard the return "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!", off came his clothes and into the cave he went.
Well, the Cajun started thinking about all of this and decided to find a cave for himself so off he went running around the desert searching. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw a great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Mon Amie! Look at zee size of dat cave. Maybe, it's beegerr den de ones dat dose Indi-ons found. Der mus be sometin' really great in dis here cave hole!"
Well, he took off up the hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered, "Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" as loud as he could. He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of "WOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOO!"
Off came his clothes and, with a huge smile on his face, he raced into the cave.....
The next day in the newspaper, the headline read.......
"NAKED CAJUN RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!"
Good morning everyboomie.
Like sands through the old hour glass......so are the days of our lives.
No wonder I'm always so thirsty.
I was wondering why there was always sand in my bed every morning.
Anyway it's a new day in Gameboomer land and in the diner, and I hope it's a happy one for all.