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#898478 - 07/02/13 08:53 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30026
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks: "Who here has seen a ghost?"
Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks: "Who here has spoken with a ghost?"

Half the audience puts up their hands. "And who here has touched a ghost?" Ten percent of the crowd puts up their hands.

He asks: "And who here has made love with a ghost?" One little man in the back row puts up his hand...

The psychiatrist looks down from the podium at the little man and says: "Do you mean to tell me that you have made love with a ghost?"

The man replies, "Oh No! I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you correctly. I thought you said 'goat'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One afternoon a carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," the carpet layer said to himself. So, he got out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my parakeet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A motorist was being bogged down in a muddy road, and had to pay a farmer a undred dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer: "With these prices, you should be pulling people out of the mud night and day!".
"I can't", replied the farmer, "At night I haul water for the hole".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two people are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced "Havaii" or "Hawaii". So they stood there arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask a person that was walking by. They asked the gentelman: "Excuse me sir, is Hawaii pronounced "Havaii" or "Hawaii"?

The gentelman said, "Havaii".

So they both looked at each other, and as the gentelman was leaving, one of the two said to him, "Thank you".

The gentelman replied and said: "Your'e velcome"!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".

Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.

Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He keeps taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man was on holiday in the Caribbean and liking the continual good weather settled down for a day's sunbathing.

He fell asleep and after a whole day his legs were sunburnt beyond belief and he could hardly stand for the pain.

So he goes along to the doctor for treatment.

The doctor looks at his sunburnt legs and said, "well, you realize that this is only a small village surgery and in reality I've really got nothing at all to help you."

"However, try this and gives him one tablet of Viagra."

So the man says "but I've got acute sunburn what's a Viagra tablet going to do?"

The doctor says, "basically, nothing at all for the sunburn but it will help keep the sheets off of your legs tonight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Alright it's been a tough first two days of the week, but we finally made it to Hump day. grin

Just gotta get through three more days to get to the weekend. WOO HOO! dance

I am so ready for a day off. taz

HELP MR WIZZARD! I don't want to be a working adult anymore. help

Y'all all have a happy day, K? thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#898483 - 07/02/13 09:47 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64937
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, if you find the secret to not working aside from being lucky and winning the lottery let me know. I would never be lazy, just tired of clawing my way through. lol

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#898511 - 07/03/13 02:37 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7668
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all. wave
Have a nice day. happydance summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#898517 - 07/03/13 03:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6044
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveAna how are you feeling? Better I hope! Nan the campground is hopping we,re expecting 161 campers to arrive today!Happy 4th to everyone,coffee is ready enjoy the day everyone USA
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#898523 - 07/03/13 04:52 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17161
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and Sue. Sounds like you all need some quiet time. Enjoy the day everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#898528 - 07/03/13 05:38 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11740
Loc: Scotland
Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry and all who stop by later!

Finally got a quiet period and can relax a bit before it all kicks off again in a couple of weeks! I'm currently working on a Wedding collection of cupcakes and cookies, so exciting...will show some pics when I'm done!

Hope everyone is well! We're having some weird "summer" weather here, feels more like Autumn with temps hovering around 55...definitely not summer! We still have our heating on but the good thing is it's been dry for the most part.

Our Grandson Kieran, Diana's boy, will be 18 in a couple of weeks...where has the time gone???

Take care guys, see you later!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#898535 - 07/03/13 06:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5421
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great day, everyone. summer

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#898541 - 07/03/13 06:29 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14431
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope another day off arrives quickly.

Ana, enjoy whatever life brings today!

Haroula, happy day!

Sue, sounds like it's going to be a very busy time for you.

Gerry, have a great day!

Mary, sounds like the baking is going well.

Venus, good morning.

Got a Doc appointment this morning. Be back later. Sun is going to shine here today. Yay!Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#898543 - 07/03/13 06:41 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8072
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Mary, it's good to see you. birthday to Kiern. Ana, I hope you are feeling better today. We need to take some things to SIL today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump Day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Fruit Cups in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#898558 - 07/03/13 08:57 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Online   happy
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14639
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have the day off today. I'm planning on going to see my Mom today. It's been way too long since I've made the trip. Hello to everyone. I hope you all have a good day. See you when I get back. smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#898562 - 07/03/13 09:51 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Midge]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Hump Day toooooooo yooooouuuuuu!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Soooooooooo looking forward to a loooooonnnnnggg
weekend. woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#898574 - 07/03/13 10:33 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 3342
Loc: kansas
good morning everyone. still hanging around. been some nice cool days here lately so have enjoyed sitting out side while hubby works in the yard. don't do much except take granddaughter back and forth to work on her days. she is waiting for her other grandparents to get her car to her that they gave her. need to take hubby across the street so we can pay for his truck that we had some work done on it. have a nice day all

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#898577 - 07/03/13 10:42 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42273
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I were up and at 'em bright and early which is a good thing as it let us beat the rain. Silly leg hurt for the first 2+ miles, but finally stopped and we finished on a good pace.

Son is working today, tomorrow, and Friday from "can to can't". That is from open to close for the non-southerners among us. wink

Boys are playing Fire. Cully is using mine and Per is using his own. A bit ago he decided that the game on mine was much more fun so approached me with the plan to share. Cully could play til he died and then it would be Per's turn. So not happening as Per can play for very long periods w/o dying and Cully can't.

Ongoing: Per has now convince Cully that he should play with Per's fire, thinking he will now get mine in return. Again, not happening. He is not used to having his will thwarted. I keep telling him I've seen all these tricks, but he doesn't get it yet. lol

My10, hoping your day is super special birthday

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#898596 - 07/03/13 01:40 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13642
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe I hope work goes well and time flies!! Thanks for the chuckles. I am sooooo glad that Baby found you and that you both made it home safely!!

Ana hope that you are feeling better today! HUGS! May the corner be kind and Shadow's paw be better. Have a lovely day!

Haroula, Gerry, venus, and Mary have a lovely day!

Gail best of luck at the doc today! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Cailyn that's a lot of people there lcamping. Have fun. lol

Connie hope sil is continuing to improve. How long till she may go home?? Have a lovely day!

Midge prayers for the Band around you as you travel. It's amazing how They can be where ever They are needed. Have a lovely visit with your mom!!

Darlene may all go smoothly today! Then you may start your long weekend!! have a lovely day!

My10 birthday Any fun plans for the day?? Have a lovely day!

L4l glad the leg finally straightened out before the walk was over. Too funny about the boys. lol How they learn all that when so young is beyond me. lol

No plans till taxi time.

wave
Nan

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#898611 - 07/03/13 02:31 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42273
Loc: Alabama
Nan, it amazes me too. Be safe and have fun with the taxi. puppy

edit: Woo Hoo Fireworks! Thanks MaG wave


Edited by looney4labs (07/03/13 03:32 PM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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