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#898708 - 07/03/13 09:50 PM Yankee Doodle Diner Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
We fight not to enslave, but to set a country free, and to make room upon the earth for honest men to live in.
Thomas Paine (1737 - 1809), The Crisis, no. 4, September 11, 1777
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Illinois lady left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. Her husband was on a business trip and was planning to meet her there the next day.

When she reached her hotel, she decided to send her husband a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which she had written his email address, she did her best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, she missed one letter and her note was directed instead to an elderly widow, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST HONEY: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three elderly ladies were discussing the trials of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," she raps her knuckles on the table, then says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a message to one and all that he was searching for one. A year passes and only 3 people show up, a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asks the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opens a match box and out>pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asks the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The Chinese Samurai opens a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces. "That is really impressive."

The emperor then has the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai thinks, if it works for the other two, why not try. Whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor says in disappointment, "why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish Samurai replies, "If you look closely, the fly has been circumcised!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

"I outlived them all."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00. George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back, that's what I want to do." The Consul says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price". "No, it's not that," says George.
"You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I am NOT taking any chances!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation, but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the General panting and he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical, but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too.

A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Welcome to the Independent Diner. yay

I'm FREEEEEE! penguin

Too Bad I have to work today. think

I'M NOT FREEEE! steamed


Coincidentally, it's as hot as the 4th of July here. penguin


I hope, however, that your holiday is a cool one. 4th

Happy snap crackle and ***{{POP}}*** everyone. USA

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#898711 - 07/03/13 10:08 PM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14681
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks Joe for your funny openers. And Happy Fourth to you. I'm working but it's gonna be fun. A lot of the Blisses family will be there. USA 4th

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#898716 - 07/04/13 01:33 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
If you want cool, come to my house. I am sick of spring and want summer. We are still in early May temps here and I want shorts weather! Send heat. lol

Still up working but giving in to heavy eyelids so will try and get up as early as I can to finish. I am hoping to go to a concert in the park tonight to see our favorite band with hubby, sis, BIL and her family. Fingers crossed.

Have a happy day Joe, Midgie and all....
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#898717 - 07/04/13 01:42 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BobH Online   content
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 1795
Loc: 47.79N, 122.24W
Happy Fourth to all that are that are celebrating it. 4th

I will be with friends for barbecue and fireworks. I would prefer to be with family but that will come later this summer.

And a belated happy Canada Day, Guy Fawkes Day, St. Patrick's Day, St. Andrews Day, Bastille Day, Eikostí-pémti Martíou and anyone I might have missed. We are all brothers and sisters of the world.

_________________________
Bob
I've learned that if you're too busy to help a friend, you're too busy.

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#898719 - 07/04/13 02:34 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7817
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Midgie,Ana,Bob and all who come in later. wave
Have all a great day and 4th smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#898725 - 07/04/13 04:21 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Bob,Haroula and all who come by later wave Ana it's a little to hot here it's been in the 90's with humidity eekA little to hot for me even the dogs don't want to go walking puppyCoffee is ready wishing you all a 4th wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#898726 - 07/04/13 05:03 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17314
Loc: Marlborough USA
4th Good Morning Joe, Midgie, Ana, BobH, Haroula, and Sue. It's like a jungle here this morning. Duepoint over 70 and the temperture will be in the 90s. Enjoy the 4th all who celebrate! 4th
_________________________
Gerry

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#898730 - 07/04/13 05:53 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14567
Loc: Massachusetts
4th Good Morning Boomers 4th

Happy 4th to everyone! USA

Going to a family cookout and pool party. Weather is on its way to 90 so we all may be cooked along with the food. lol

Wishing everyone a super wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#898733 - 07/04/13 06:25 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8121
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, I'm sending some of our heat your way. summer 4th to all my Diner buddies who celebrate it. We're having a Bar B Q with Granddaughter, her boyfriend, and a few others. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful 4th. Danish, Pancakes, French Toast, and Donuts in the NC. Crunchy Donut Holes for L4L. USA
_________________________
Connie

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#898740 - 07/04/13 08:49 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9579
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
4th USA

Have a great day everyone. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#898746 - 07/04/13 09:43 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: Space Quest Fan]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Happy 4th everybody. 4th

Enjoy your holiday. USA

I'll be leaving for work shortly.

See ya after 7:00 when I'll be rushing to get to bed so I can get up at 3:30 tomorrow. lol

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#898747 - 07/04/13 09:55 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42379
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday and Happy Independence Day ya'll puppy

Son was home for about 15 minutes and now back out the door to work. It's raining buckets here and is supposed to be all weekend, so we won't have to worry so much about fireworks and the dogs.

Hubby is starting the ribs and I'll go up and get the slaw done once I post so it can blend flavors for a couple of hours. Some corn on the cob and we will be done.

As son was going out the door he said to Cully, "Tell Perrin bye for me (Per is still sleeping) and not to sleep so late next time when he gets up" Son walks out the door and Cully strolls for the upstairs. I thought he was heading to the restroom but not. Took his dad literally and was heading up to tell his brother bye for dad. lol

Time to cook....Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#898753 - 07/04/13 10:16 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Online   happy
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21323
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
4th

Happy 4th of July everyone! Stay safe and enjoy!

USA
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#898771 - 07/04/13 10:49 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning to everyone.

Happy 4th. We are going to lay low today. Cory does not like boom booms so will give him lots of love tonight. It is going to be a beautiful day here. Last year they cancelled fireworks because of the heat and drought. High predicted in the mid 80's today.

Got Cory out for his walk today and it was nice a quiet out. No traffic noise. Sweet.

Will just goof off today. Bill will grill out burgers for lunch and will have leftover Mexican casserole for dinner.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

USA

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#898772 - 07/04/13 10:53 AM Re: Yankee Doodle Diner Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5507
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
4th, everyone. USA I'm just stopping in for a quick hello, as I have to make sure I get in my singing practice before Thorsgoats gets home. He's getting off early today.

Hope everyone here has a terrific day! rah

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