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#902417 - 07/19/13 11:12 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I'm baaaack..... evil
~~~~~~~~~~

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two guys were talking at work.

"I've got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?"

Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . .

After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made.


The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: "Now there are two!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A businessman walks into a bar after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a drink. He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he takes his first sip, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? The women must love you."

Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he finishes his drink & peanuts and orders another.

Next he hears a voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look grrrreat."

He whirls around to again see no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool. A little wierded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts and orders a third drink. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks fantastic. Is it an Armani? You are *SO* G.Q.!"

He immediately calls the bartender over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look -- What's up with that? Am I going crazy?"

"Oh," the bartender, nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."

"The peanuts?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yeah," replies the bartender, "...they're complimentary."
~~~~~~~~~~~

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It feels like a month of Sundays since I posted a diner. shocked

I guess it was that, and more, since there's only 4 Sundays in a month. snicker

I was trying to save Ana from more gray hairs. wink

No telling how many "F" words I might have used. grin

Like Fun, and Fantastic, and Frivolous, and Fruity tootie. snicker

That last one is the one my sister uses on me all the time. She has a thing for fruits and nuts. crazy

You should see MY gray hair. eek

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#902418 - 07/19/13 11:28 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63373
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
hearts Joe! It's so good to see you back. I have enough gray hair. It's only in the front though. rotfl

I guess it's back to work for you today, huh? I hope it's not too early of one.

Today is a corner day...

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#902421 - 07/20/13 12:00 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9081
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
welcome back Joe. We missed you. bravo
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#902422 - 07/20/13 12:12 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63373
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Have a great day SpaceQ!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#902431 - 07/20/13 02:52 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6908
Loc: Greece
Welcome back Joe smile
Good morning everyone,have all a nice day. wave happydance
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#902432 - 07/20/13 03:29 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5954
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning everyone,Joe glad to see you back waveTemp is 78 right now,hopefully it breaks today and starts to cool off!Coffee is on wishing everyone a happy day summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#902440 - 07/20/13 06:33 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7810
Loc: winter springs fl.
Welcome back Joe. Today we're going on a Pontoon boat ride with Granddaughter and her boyfriend, then to lunch. It's her Birthday present from her boyfriend. I hope we don't see any Gators, just lots of other wildlife. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and French Toast in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#902443 - 07/20/13 07:54 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 20603
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe, it's great to see you. Looks like we'll have a nice day in the mid-80s. I've got some maintenance on the dishwasher and refrigerator to tinker with today so that should keep me off the streets. But before I can get to that I've got to work in the Garden, listen to my music and enjoy the coffee, have a cinnamon bun and some french toast to get me going.

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana SpaceQF Haroula Sue Connie and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em.

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#902450 - 07/20/13 08:49 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: soot]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9081
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Loved the jokes Joe. The birthday present was my favorite.

thanks to Ana for keeping the diner going while you were gone Joe. praise
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#902455 - 07/20/13 09:25 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
welcome back, Joe!

Hope your corner project goes well, Ana.

Enjoy your day, Space Quest.

Have a nice day as well, Haroula.

Cailyn, it's been in the nineties here, so 78 sounds nice and cool to me. lol Hope you get the weather you want soon.

Have fun on the Pontoon ride, and birthday to your granddaughter, Connie.

Have fun in your garden, and hope the dishwasher and refrigerator maintenance go well, soot.

I'm off today. Thorsgoats and I are going to have breakfast, and then I think I'll find a nice game to play. grin Possibly my new Face Noir. thumbsup

Have a great Saturday, everyone. summer

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#902458 - 07/20/13 09:42 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13762
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe welcome back. You were missed!

Ana, hope your corner day goes smoothly.

Haroula, good day to you also.

Sue, coffee sounds great. It's way too hot here but I have to have my hot coffee.

Connie, have fun. I love Pontoons.

Soot, enjoy being Mr. Fix It today.

Space, have a great day!

Venus, enjoy your day off.

Still in the 90's here. Hoping it changes today. It's been too hot for too long. woozy
_________________________
Gail

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#902463 - 07/20/13 09:57 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 20603
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
I agree SQF thanks Ana

woot Enjoy your day off Venus; I always do wink

Yes Gail, I hope you get a break in the heat too as it appears the SummerHotWeatherIsUponUsHeatedly wink

wave

L4L hearts
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#902465 - 07/20/13 10:02 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Slept like a log last night but seemed to have picked up a sore throat, a sore back, and a sore shoulder sometime while I was sleeping. I don't know what I did, but I sure hope I had fun doing it.

Hubby and I watched Red (the original one) last night. Such a fun movie. Now we are chomping at the bit to see the new one, but I expect we will see it when it comes out on dvd.

Mr. Keoki is doing great. Took him off his pain meds as he has gotten very frisky wanting to take off running when the kitchen gate is open. I wish I could explain to him Why we want him to stay down.

My chore of the day is to go through the myriad piles of stuff in the den (from the laundry room) so we can put the laundry room back together and reclaim the den. I do need to cook the books but can't do that until my brain joins my body in being awake.

But, before I start chores, I'm gonna sit and sip and surf for a sec. wave

Soot kissy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#902471 - 07/20/13 10:29 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13922
Loc: Unionville
Welcome back Joe woot
Hope everyone has a great Saturday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#902482 - 07/20/13 10:55 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13276
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Welcome back Joe!!! Missed you! May work go well and the time fly! Thanks for the laughs, you're the best!! thumbsup

Ana may the corner be kind and may it move right along. Sorry you had to cancel your date night but glad that you are all safe! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn, Gerry, venus, L4l, Soot, Gail, and Connie, if I knew how to send our lake breeze, that has come up today, to all of you, I would. It is a nice 60 out there this morning. One nice thing about living so close to Lake Superior!!! lol

Cailyn have a lovely day and stay cool.

Connie have loads of fun on the pontoon ride and prayers no gators there. birthday to granddaughter. BTW did she get the pontoon or just a ride?? duh Thanks for the treats!

Soot hope the "mister fix it" projects go well and are simple and easy!! Have a lovely day!

L4l have fun sorting the keep and the throw items! Wonder what you were doing in your dreamland. lol I remember a movie from years ago about this guy and what he thought was his dream world was his actual world and what he thought was his actual world was his dream world. Both were so real. I think it stared Lloyd Bridges. Anyway prayers that the throat, back and shoulder fell better soonest!

Gail me hopes it cools down there for you. We had three days in the 90's this week and that hasn't happened in over 12 years. We get those type of days but not in a row like this so it is a pleasure when the wind decides to switch and come in off Lake Superior, like today!!! Have a lovely day!

No plans for the day yet. Granddaughter might be stopping by a little later and then I know daughter is stopping after work!

Have a lovely day all.

wave
Nan

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