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#902559 - 07/20/13 10:46 PM Chat & Chew Sunday Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30152
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

And the man said, "I was looking for my father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This little fella joins the lazaratian Monks order and takes a vow of silence. However, he's promised by the head Monk that he can speak two words per year.

After the first year the head Monk asks him his two words for the year.
He replies ... "More Blankets"

After his second year the head Monk asks him again his two words for the year.
He replies ... "More Food"

After the third year the head Monk asks him his two words for the year.
He replies ... "I'm Leaving"

The Head Monk says ... "Thank God...you've done nothing but moan since you got here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two cannibals in the jungle are standing over a fire with a large boiling pot, stirring the soup with wooden spoons. One cannibal says to the other, "I hate my mother in law, I really don't like her at all, she really makes me sick". The other cannibal says "So just eat the noodles".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.

He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.

"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly...
"My butt itches, and I can't scratch it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Colonel Sanders walks up to the Pope one day and says, I'll give you $5,000 if you change the words in the bible 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chicken'".

The Pope replys, "Sorry, I cannot change the words of the Bible". Sanders says, "How about $7,000?". "Sorry, I cannot", The Pope replys. "$8,000"?, Sanders tries again. The Pope thinks about it and says, "Well, alright".

Later he goes to the cardinals and says, "I have good news and bad news. The good is we're $8,000 richer. The bad is that we lost our endorsement with Wonder Bread."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The lookout aboard a clipper ship spots a pirate ship approaching, and yells down to the captain. The captain orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain puts on his red shirt, and successfully leads his crew in fighting off the pirates. The next day, the lookout spots TWO pirate ships approaching. He yells to the captain, who again orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain again wears the red shirt as they successfully repel the pirates. After the battle the bosun asks, "Captain, why do you always wear the red shirt in battle?" The captain replies, "Because, if I am wounded, the crew will not see the blood and lose their courage." The next day the lookout spots SIX pirate ships approaching and yells to the captain. Anticipating the order, the bosun immediately brings the red shirt. "To heck with that!" says the captain. "Bring me my brown pants!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?", the man asks.
"10..." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10...9...8...7..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who
had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a
long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall
and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
she approached him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how
long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray
for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in
safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a wall."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Come in and grab a chair and have a bowl of Cheerios. happydance

You can sip & surf, chat & chew, or just sit in Ana's corner and stare at her while she works, until she takes you for a walk in the woods. lol

You may regret that though.

Her walks are extreme. eek

You could come to Lowe's and watch me work, but I warn you it's not very good for your feet. razz

If you just want to relax and do something that takes minimal energy, try my sister's favorite pastime of watching paint dry. slapforehead

But then you need to find someone to put the paint on first.

My sister has a way around that. She takes a water pistol and sprays the wall, and pretends it's "wet paint". dance

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#902561 - 07/20/13 11:20 PM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65776
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I really missed your humor. hearts You make me smile every day.

Today is the big Spartan Super race so I will be gone until evening. Send Peter and I some positive thoughts please and thank you. It's going to be grueling.

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#902576 - 07/21/13 03:11 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8104
Loc: Greece
Joe lol wave
Anna luckfor you and Peter with the race yes
Wishing everyone a nice and relaxing Sunday. happydance wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#902582 - 07/21/13 04:47 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6096
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula wave Ana sending positive thoughts for you and Peter today! luck Coffee is ready! Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#902585 - 07/21/13 05:06 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5679
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great Sunday, everyone. summer

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#902587 - 07/21/13 06:07 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14784
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we appreciate you so much. Thanks for making us laugh.

Ana, good vibes out for you and Peter today!

Haroula, enjoy the day!

Sue, coffee is needed desperately. Thanks!

Venus, good morning.

Gerry, have a great day when you come in.

Connie, what are you up to today?

To all who arrive after me I'm wishing a wonderful day. Church this morning then a nice relaxing day. Heatwave has finally diminished. yay
_________________________
Gail

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#902589 - 07/21/13 06:21 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8199
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. We had a Great time yesterday. We saw lots of different birds, turtles, and gators. Nan, she just got a boat ride. We used to own a Pontoon boat, but the upkeep was too expensive. We were on a first name basis with the mobile mechanic. Ana, Good luck to you and Peter. Breakfast out and some shopping today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, and English Muffins, in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#902593 - 07/21/13 07:41 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: connie]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9718
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Sunday everyone. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#902595 - 07/21/13 07:46 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: connie]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies wave

Sorry I couldn't come here yesterday, got a phone call from my Mum. She fell in her kitchen and broke her arm. So instead of calling Emergency, she called me, and I organized everything from faraway Italy woozy
She's at home again, with arm in plaster, and I could use some prayers for her please. Thank you.
I have two more appointments here in Italy, but I will drive home earlier than planed to help Mum with the chores. Sis is on holiday and bro... well.... he is who he is, means not much help from that side... >sigh<

Welcome back Joe! wave

Ana: what is meat tenderizers? You say that is working for mosquito bites too? I have approx. 1 Mio mosquito bites already and I never found anything that helps. So please, enlighten me. Thank you sweetie.

I wish you all a happy Sunday, not too hot, a cool breeze and the frig full of lemonade.

Hugs!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#902612 - 07/21/13 08:51 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21502
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Prayers are enroute Evelyne .. drive safe!

Morning Joe .. have a good day at work and we'll catch you later

Oh my Ana .. good luck with the race, L4L and I will join you in thought for the exercise .. and I'll drink some green tea yes

Wow Connie .. what a great spread .. we are good for the rest of the day

Gail .. drive safe and enjoy the day

Morning Haroula Sue Venus SpaceQF and the rest of the gang when you are up and at em!

One more project on the books for the weekend, tinkering with the dishwasher, so wish me luck

...and have a wonderful Sunday!!

hearts L4L

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#902635 - 07/21/13 09:50 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42636
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

It's another rainy day in Alabama. So, that means a nice quiet day for us.

Ana, luck though I'm sure you will dominate thumbsup

Evelyne, so sorry mum broke her arm. Hugs to you all. Meat tenderizer is a mix of salt and bromelain. Bromelain comes from pineapple.

Sipping, surfing and relaxing....life is good. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#902679 - 07/21/13 11:28 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13805
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs this morning. Hope work goes well and the time fly!

Ana...you and Peter GO!!!! Do be safe though and I'm sure you will have fun, fun, fun!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Tastes goosd this morning since it was 52F out there for our walk! Have a lovely day!

venus Happy Working!!! Have a lovely day!

Oh Connie I bet that was fun while you had one!! Sounds like you had a great time. happydance Granddaughter got a nice present!! Thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and the relaxing afternoon!! Have a lovely day!

Space enjoy what's left of the weekend. Hope the weather is nice!

Aw Evelyne so sorry to hear about your mom's arm. HUGS to you both. Prayers always!! hearts

Soot good luck with the dishwasher project!! Hope you may relax after that! Have a lovely day!

L4l rain is good, right??? Enjoy the quiet day!

wave
Nan

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#902680 - 07/21/13 11:36 AM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning everyone, thought maybe if I post really early, for me that is, the day won't take off with me!! So good to see you in your rare form, Joe. Hugs to you and I hope you have a good day. Ana, here's the best to you and Peter, good luck!! Hi Haroula, Sue and venus, I hope you have a good day respectively! Gail, I hope your weather is not so hot and that the thunderboomers haven't bothered you too much. My cousin in Norwell said they were pretty super-terrific the last couple of days. I know about boats a little bit, Connie, they can nickle and dime you to death.....but so much fun. Hi Space, hope you are enjoying the last half of your time out. Oh Evelyne! I'm so sorry about your poor mum. I hope she isn't in pain. Please drive safely when you leave and let us know how she is. Hugs to you. Hi Soot, have fun with the dishwasher and Hullo to you too L4L, enjoy your S&S! wink 'Morning Nan, I hope you are feeling well and that you have a great day. To all else who come later, Hello!! Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#902691 - 07/21/13 12:19 PM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7413
Loc: San Diego, CA
Overcast, gonna rain so they say. Ha. I'll never see a drop, but those fires burning North and East of me sure could use some 'intervention'. Now they predict flash floods for burned out areas and desert. It never ends.

Cool today, decided to wear shorts. Silly me.

School starts Tomorrow!!! No more kids wreaking havoc in the neighborhood. Dunno why the activity slows when they are back to school. Still have evenings to do it. Ah, and last night, 12:30 am, BANG, another firecracker across the corner. I'm so tired of it all. I think that family (generations of them) just do it as a tradition. One or two kabooms and that's it for the night. So stupid.

Apartment lady drunk whose 'boytoy' moved out a few months back (she said he did it for a job, I figure he got kicked out) now has a new boytoy. She has taken up with another guy from the apartments. He's the one who took over the drug selling business and now she's all cozy with him. Other guy who moved was coming back and forth every few days and staying for an hour or so 'visiting'. THEN one day, the police were all over the neighborhood and the apartments. We had seen his car parked 3 blocks away on our walk and sure enough, after the police left, there he was with her walking to the corner and then he scooted very fast to his car and was gone. We never saw him again. Guess they were after him and he figured it wasn't safe to visit her anymore. Good for the neighborhood.

Off to walk. Gonna freeze my legs in these shorts!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#902716 - 07/21/13 03:51 PM Re: Chat & Chew Sunday Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8104
Loc: Greece
Evelyne hugs to you both hearts wave
sleep wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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